My dying best friend

[fr0d0]

Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans - John Lennon

[SteelCurtain]

This is so rough. My uncle had ALS. Lou Gherig's disease. He was a gymnast. To watch him slowly, slowly deteriorate... that, to me, is the worst imaginable way to go. I loved that man, and am amazed at his positivity to the end.

P_S, what you do is so important. Being there for this kid, being a positive presence in his life, it is amazing. I cannot even begin to imagine what facing your death is like at age 12. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry. So if believing in god helps him in even the smallest way, I'm all for it.

Respect, P_S.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

We all suffer and we will all die. The guy that shot himself in the head wanted to end his suffering but the do-gooders wanted to inflict more suffering on him so they kept him alive and he's worse off than he was before. So now when the guy does finally die his death experience might be a lot worse than a bullet in the head.

[Aractus]

Ed was wheelchair bound with the less extreme form of muscular dystrophy. He used to skateboard until the age of 14 or 15 when he had to then move to crutches and eventually a wheelchair. It fucked him up, mentally. You could tell his hope in life was diminished. He'd never walk again. The two of us used to make music together (rap) and he lived with me for a short time. He died at the end of 2012, only at the age of 23, from an overdose of prescription drugs (he was also addicted to crack and heroin, which he sold because he couldn't really work--had very little muscle strength, just enough in his arms to get in and out of bed himself and to wheel himself around).

You lived with a drug dealer?? You realize you are guilty of, and could have been charged with conspiracy to distribute since you knowingly facilitated his distribution?

Anyway, when I was 18 years old one of the first people I began working with was a boy who was then twelve years old. We'll call him Lucas (...) He's an absolutely terrific guy. I love him. We goof off, make up silly raps and play games, listen to music (I've gotten him into 2Pac). Lucas will be 19 this April. He'll never get to go for a walk by himself or drive a car. He's missed out on so much and he will miss out on so much more.

He sounds like a much nicer person than this Ed, assuming that he doesn't distribute drugs that is.

And he gets to live until 21-22? Lucky him! Not everyone is that lucky - I mean you would know this, obviously.

Stephen Hawking is also very lucky, although he doesn't have DMD, he does have ALS and just like DMD it was supposed to kill him young, in fact he was given two years when he was 21.

But that aside, you obviously care about your friend a lot. As you know it's not in your power as to whether he lives or dies, and even though it's irrational, it is things that are outside of our power that worries us humans most! He wouldn't want you to pity him, or to believe that his life has less value because of its length. As I said, he is actually very lucky and I know I'm much luckier than him and for that I'm grateful, but I don't think that means I'm better than other people.

My youngest friend died at 17 in late 2000 - he didn't even see the new millennium! He was about 17 and one month, I think. His name was Trevor Michael Clarke. But, he had his life and he lived it, and he didn't know that he was going to die young - it came as a huge shock to everyone, and even the doctors could not work out how he died. He got up one morning to go to work at Hungry Jacks, and collapsed dead as he was leaving the house. Lucas is more fortunate than him. His friends and family are more fortunate too because they know their time is borrowed and can make the most out of it - or whatever they choose out of the time he has left.

[Assimilate]

I applaud you for your type of work, I know how it is to also lose someone to addiction like the friend/some one you worked with. Both of my brothers were addicts, one was able to beat it, the other passed away. It's hard for me to actually even write this because I'm pretty conservative with my feelings, but after reading what you wrote I felt it was worth coming forth with honesty. The main thing you proposed was the whole bit about religion being is it worth it or not. My one brother, at the beginning, found Christ, he went through his fazes, went Jung ho, reformed, is now normal ( I think an atheist in the making.). So, when it comes to this question of religion, maybe I judge from my experience, and maybe my brother at that point and time needed something to grab on too. He isn't religious anymore, and maybe any positive outlook would have done it, I'm just happy he's around.

The truth comes down to this, religion isn't for the best as a civilization, but if it helps a certain person with disabilities (or with out) get by and have some hope in their life then it's ok, at least to me.

[Mudhammam]

You lived with a drug dealer?? You realize you are guilty of, and could have been charged with conspiracy to distribute since you knowingly facilitated his distribution?

He didn't sell drugs when he lived with me... at least that I'm aware of.

[Brakeman]

If perpetuating a lie is comforting to someone, where do you stop?
Do you tell him that they've found a cure and he's going to be running and playing as soon as they get it in pill form?

If you were in his shoes, which would comfort you more, false hope or the truth?
As an atheist, it was comforting to me to know that I don't have to worry about being judged and punished by some god I know little of. I'm happy that I won't be punished for simply being human.

As for me, I've been lied to enough for one lifetime, I want only the truth.

[Jacob(smooth)]

It's bitterly hard to work with kids with terminal illness. I have a few on the books with epidermalysis bulosa. That's some fucked up shit right there.

I don't think it's God's plan. It's just shit that happens.
My Sympathies to everyone in this situation.

---

He believes what his parents have told him (they NEVER talk about death or anything like that with him), that there's a God and a heaven we all go to when we die. You know what? Maybe it's a good thing he does believe that?

I agree.

[KichigaiNeko]

So your friend is dying Pickup, ....what are YOU doing to make his last days/ months/ years on this rock memorable?

[Mudhammam]

If perpetuating a lie is comforting to someone, where do you stop?
Do you tell him that they've found a cure and he's going to be running and playing as soon as they get it in pill form?

If you were in his shoes, which would comfort you more, false hope or the truth?
As an atheist, it was comforting to me to know that I don't have to worry about being judged and punished by some god I know little of. I'm happy that I won't be punished for simply being human.

As for me, I've been lied to enough for one lifetime, I want only the truth.

Huh? I fail to see one statement here that is relevant to the situation I described. I'd say there are a few situations in which it's okay to lie. The classic example of a Nazi at your door asking if Anne Frank is in your attic is one of them. I'd say this is another. I'm guessing if I knew I was going to die and wasn't already pretty certain that God is a human invention, belief in heaven would seem damn sweet.

---

So your friend is dying Pickup, ....what are YOU doing to make his last days/ months/ years on this rock memorable?

I told him that when he turns 21 I'll take him to the titty bar.