What's Wrong With Me?

[*Deidre*]

Lol "Candy Crush" ...I have a few friends who play that game, and from what I gather, it's addictive.

The last guy I dated played this game but I didn't find out until after we broke up and a friend told me, in passing. He never shared that with me and there were many instances like that, of finding stuff out after the fact. Apparently, between the women and online games, he was quite busy. He has still tried to get back in touch with me, and I've ignored him now.

It sucks to have to be "hard" sometimes, like why can't people just be kind?

I remember you sharing about this guy in another thread Rebecca. I was hoping it would work out for you. Good things will come. The key is to close the door to bad stuff, so you can be aware of when good stuff comes your way. And it will.

[FlyingNarwhal]

It always breaks down to the sex. So, not to sound like a creep.....but what's going on with the sex?

[downbeatplumb]

I noticed one of them left a note saying he loved you, you said he'd expressed that before but you didn't say how you reacted.

The reason I mentioned this is that I have cut off relations with a girl who did not return my feelings.
If I make a big gesture of affection and there is no similar reply I leave to save myself.

Nothing worse than a one sided relationship.

[Justtristo]

I've said before that nobody should ever take relationship advice from me. That hasn't changed. All I can offer is a hug.

Same here

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Men like this, to me...my experience? They have others they're juggling, as well. Basically telling us one thing, 'I love you,' etc...but meanwhile, they have others they 'entertain,' when we're busy, not around, etc. I hate to sound that way, but the last two guys who would at times 'go silent' on me, had other women they were 'entertaining,' I came to find out. So, to me...silence means either a) the person died and that could be b) the person is stuck under a large object, maybe a tree? and can't get to the phone or c) there are others.

Likely choice is c. That's why I move on the MINUTE I'm ignored. I'm an understanding person, but I expect to be treated with the same respect I give. If not, I'm done.

You deserve the very best. Always remember that.

Thanks, sweetie. You're right; I've often thought of the "other entertainment options" thing, but I have no proof. For a couple of days after this recent freeze out, I thought maybe my boyfriend the Marine had been sent somewhere or something until my Facebook newsfeed informed me of his Candy Crush habit. Something tells me you can't be risking your life in battle while giving it up on Candy Crush... I don't play Candy Crush. Does one normally "give up" lives on that game? It's always seemed so benign!

A guy (a psychologist no less) once told me those games are as addictive as cocaine.

[rexbeccarox]

It always breaks down to the sex. So, not to sound like a creep.....but what's going on with the sex?

I honestly thought it was great. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, anyway...

---

I noticed one of them left a note saying he loved you, you said he'd expressed that before but you didn't say how you reacted.

The reason I mentioned this is that I have cut off relations with a girl who did not return my feelings.
If I make a big gesture of affection and there is no similar reply I leave to save myself.

Nothing worse than a one sided relationship.

The note was actually a thing he would do every one in awhile, and it took me a couple of solid ILY's from him for me to reciprocate, but I made very, absolutely positive he knew how much I loved him for the entire year we were a couple. When he dumped me out of the blue, I was completely shocked. I thought our relationship was as close to perfect as it got.

---

Thank you all... and I'm telling you guys: I know this stuff happens all the time, but in these cases, I'm doing something wrong or I'm not doing something right. It's just WAY too much of a coincidence that this happens with every single person I'm interested in since my ex of five years and I broke up six years ago.

[Minimalist]

Back from when I paid attention to such things it seemed to me that most men preferred "the hunt" to "the kill."

A lot of men just plain suck at commitment.

[rexbeccarox]

Back from when I paid attention to such things it seemed to me that most men preferred "the hunt" to "the kill."

A lot of men just plain suck at commitment.

And really good at injuring the people they reel in. It's too bad.

[SteelCurtain]

Rebecca, my advice would be to have the "L" word conversation early on, so there's no surprises. A good time for this, from a guy's perspective, is once you've had the "exclusive" conversation. Not to tell your significant other that you love them, but to tell him how that process works with you, how you develop those feelings. The troubles you have with trust, your history with falling in love (not the complete history, just a few telling examples.) Guys worth a shit value that kind of info. It's also a good barometer for whether a guy is worth your time.

The reason this would be good to know, is that if a guy truly cares for you, develops feelings of love for you, he will try to protect the relationship by giving a shit about how he goes about making those feelings known. I have scared women away by telling them that I love them too early or too abruptly. The feeling of emasculation when you get the equivalent of the "I love you....thanks?" response is unbearable to a young man. It's hard to look a woman in the eye after that. So knowing how to approach it was a phenomenal bit of info for me in my current relationship. It was, for sure, an awkward conversation. No one had ever prepped me for a conversation eighteen months in advance. But, let me tell you, I won big brownie points when I did it the right way!

[rexbeccarox]

Rebecca, my advice would be to have the "L" word conversation early on, so there's no surprises. A good time for this, from a guy's perspective, is once you've had the "exclusive" conversation. Not to tell your significant other that you love them, but to tell him how that process works with you, how you develop those feelings. The troubles you have with trust, your history with falling in love (not the complete history, just a few telling examples.) Guys worth a shit value that kind of info. It's also a good barometer for whether a guy is worth your time.

The reason this would be good to know, is that if a guy truly cares for you, develops feelings of love for you, he will try to protect the relationship by giving a shit about how he goes about making those feelings known. I have scared women away by telling them that I love them too early or too abruptly. The feeling of emasculation when you get the equivalent of the "I love you....thanks?" response is unbearable to a young man. It's hard to look a woman in the eye after that. So knowing how to approach it was a phenomenal bit of info for me in my current relationship. It was, for sure, an awkward conversation. No one had ever prepped me for a conversation eighteen months in advance. But, let me tell you, I won big brownie points when I did it the right way!

Yep, it does seem awkward, but it's probably really god advice, and I will definitely try that if there's a next time. Thanks Steel

[downbeatplumb]

Have you considered that might be attracted to bastards.

I've seen women throw themselves at men who are obviously wronguns.