advice in dealing with fundamentalist inlaws praying at meals?

[Brian37]

Everything is cost benefit, not either or. If raising it is going to cause so much conflict it affects your marriage, it is probably not worth it. But you also do not have to be a doormat either.

I don't think there is one atheist here that does not or has not dealt with a really religious family member or friend or co-worker. It all still depends on time place and context.

[Raeven]

This dilemma reared its ugly head in my last relationship. The man's family was hugely fundie and though my atheism didn't bother him (too much), his family hated it. They are of the sort who pray when a mouse farts. He moved in with me, so my house, my rules.

Whenever we visited his family members, I participated in the dumb ritual to the extent of hand-holding, but I wouldn't bow my head or close my eyes. More than once, I caught someone checking me out to see what I was up to during the proceedings. My usual response was to smile and wink at them. They always looked shocked.

When they started up with the nonsense at my house, I drew the line. I explained to my SO that they were welcome to pray as that was their habit, but to not include me in it. I would find a convenient way to be away from the table and unavailable for that portion of the program. I thought this was a fair solution, but they always seemed terribly uncomfortable about it. Oh, well. It was the best I could do.

One of the things I really dislike about this praying silliness is how it co-opts the non-participant to, well, participate. From that, there is the usual bootstrapping that this in some way legitimizes their point of view. I won't do it.

We broke up. And yes, religion had everything to do with it.

[Brakeman]

Just snack on these at the table..

[Ravenshire]

When they started up with the nonsense at my house, I drew the line. I explained to my SO that they were welcome to pray as that was their habit, but to not include me in it. I would find a convenient way to be away from the table and unavailable for that portion of the program. I thought this was a fair solution, but they always seemed terribly uncomfortable about it. Oh, well. It was the best I could do.

I've actually asked people if they wouldn't mind doing that in the closet as their "good book" tells them to do. If they question the validity of the claim, I show them the passage.

They've declined the closet every time though I still refused their prayer at my table.

[Zack]

I don't participate in dinner prayers. No closed eyes or bowed head. I show my hosts respect by not interrupting their ritual. After all, it is not my table nor my food. I think leaving the table for the prayer would be rude. Most of the dinner prayers I have heard were very short. You probably wouldn't make it away from the table, let alone out of the room, before it was finished. Pushing back your chair, standing up, turning and exiting stage left sends a clear signal about what you think of that person's beliefs. They are likely to take offense. That being said, if these people know your views on religion and still go out of their way to make the prayers long or name you specifically (pray for matthewcornell to accept Jesus), then I would just wait until they finish before joining them for dinner. Another option might be to eat before you get there and politely decline to join them. It sounds like they don't make good company with the Catholic/black comment. I would not be in a hurry to visit them anytime soon.

As an afterthought, I was wondering if everyone joined hands before the prayer? I am very uncomfortable with this. I never present my hands to those next to me, forcing them to take it. I make no effort to grasp their hand in return so they realize mine will fall if let go. Once again, no bowed head, closed eyes, or disruption. Most people realize by then I don't share their beliefs. I don't know if that is what I should do but it's all I've come up with so far. Without hijacking the OP's thread, I too would like to know about how to respectfully handle (no pun intended) that particular situation. I think I saw a related thread at the bottom concerning this issue so that is where I will start.

[vorlon13]

Just an aside:

If I was mentioned by name during grace to repent or something, I would leave the premises immediately, never to return.