Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
April 6, 2017 at 5:39 pm
(April 6, 2017 at 5:22 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: A farmer left his house one evening, walked into the middle of a field and stood there, utterly still.
He stood there for days, then a week, then a month.
Finally a neighbour went out to ask him what he's doing?
"I want to get into the Guinness Book of records," the farmer replied.
His neighbour was confused.
"In the category of being outstanding in my field."
I really hate you, ok not really, but I love cornball crap like this, and the bittersweet part of it is my mom is not here because I would call her right now just to tell her this joke over the phone.
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
April 6, 2017 at 7:08 pm
(April 6, 2017 at 5:39 pm)Brian37 Wrote: I really hate you, ok not really, but I love cornball crap like this, and the bittersweet part of it is my mom is not here because I would call her right now just to tell her this joke over the phone.
I feel you, man. My father has been gone a little over three years now and I still feel wistful when I hear something that I know would have made him chuckle. Like when they had a snow storm in upstate NY that was so bad they had to close a ski resort. He would have had a ball with that. "Too much snow to ski?!"
I wish I wish I wish. Damn!
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
April 6, 2017 at 7:14 pm
(April 6, 2017 at 7:08 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: (April 6, 2017 at 5:39 pm)Brian37 Wrote: I really hate you, ok not really, but I love cornball crap like this, and the bittersweet part of it is my mom is not here because I would call her right now just to tell her this joke over the phone.
I feel you, man. My father has been gone a little over three years now and I still feel wistful when I hear something that I know would have made him chuckle. Like when they had a snow storm in upstate NY that was so bad they had to close a ski resort. He would have had a ball with that. "Too much snow to ski?!"
I wish I wish I wish. Damn!
Yea, I don't know him, never met him, but like my mom I could say, "What the fuck with all that snow you could have a snow ball"?
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
April 7, 2017 at 10:22 am
Two clock gears are just put in a clock for the first time. They start talking.
Gear A "So what is your name?"
Gear B, "Cog"
Gear A, "So how does it feel to finally be at work?"
Gear B, "Incogneato".
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
April 8, 2017 at 1:31 pm
(April 7, 2017 at 10:22 am)Brian37 Wrote: Two clock gears are just put in a clock for the first time. They start talking.
Gear A "So what is your name?"
Gear B, "Cog"
Gear A, "So how does it feel to finally be at work?"
Gear B, "Incogneato". What the fuck. With this joke we could have a cornball 
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 46314
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
April 8, 2017 at 9:37 pm
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
April 8, 2017 at 9:54 pm
You ought to be on the stage.
There's one leaving in an hour.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 46314
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
April 8, 2017 at 11:18 pm
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
April 9, 2017 at 3:39 pm
(April 8, 2017 at 9:54 pm)Cyberman Wrote: You ought to be on the stage.
There's one leaving in an hour.
That's similar to one of my lines:
"There's a train leaving in half an hour. Be under it."
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
April 9, 2017 at 3:46 pm
(This post was last modified: April 9, 2017 at 3:49 pm by Brian37.)
(April 8, 2017 at 9:37 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Boru
And people think I deserve the death penalty for my bad jokes. THAT WAS HORRIBLE! 
(April 9, 2017 at 3:39 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: (April 8, 2017 at 9:54 pm)Cyberman Wrote: You ought to be on the stage.
There's one leaving in an hour.
That's similar to one of my lines:
"There's a train leaving in half an hour. Be under it."
That is mean, good Kelso burn, but only use it in a kidding way.
|
