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RE: joke time
June 2, 2020 at 7:59 pm
(June 2, 2020 at 7:26 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: (June 2, 2020 at 7:06 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I’ve never understood the boast, ‘She won’t walk for days after THAT!’
If she can’t walk, how the hell is she supposed to get up and make me a sandwich?
Boru
I'll make you a sandwich.
And a couple of roasts...
And probably a lot of jerky.
The rest I'll feed to the cats and use in the garden.
Heh. I know a retired cop who told me about all the shit I would get in if I killed someone in my house while defending my family. He said that the body is a real problem, and hard to get rid of. I told him I'd go the local feed store and buy a couple bags of lime. In two weeks there won't
be any evidence. I have a CCTV system that I installed after one of my neighbors vandalized our place. That hard drive will suffer an electrical catastrophe if someone tries something and is recorded. $200 bucks for a new system is chump change compared to any trial and (possible) subsequent incarceration.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2020 at 8:05 pm
(June 2, 2020 at 7:39 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: (June 2, 2020 at 7:26 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: I'll make you a sandwich.
And a couple of roasts...
And probably a lot of jerky.
The rest I'll feed to the cats and use in the garden.
Your cats will die and the garden will grow nothing but stingwort.
Boru
I didn't say my cats and my garden would be improved.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2020 at 8:07 pm
(June 2, 2020 at 7:59 pm)Fireball Wrote: (June 2, 2020 at 7:26 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: I'll make you a sandwich.
And a couple of roasts...
And probably a lot of jerky.
The rest I'll feed to the cats and use in the garden.
Heh. I know a retired cop who told me about all the shit I would get in if I killed someone in my house while defending my family. He said that the body is a real problem, and hard to get rid of. I told him I'd go the local feed store and buy a couple bags of lime. In two weeks there won't be any evidence. I have a CCTV system that I installed after one of my neighbors vandalized our place. That hard drive will suffer an electrical catastrophe if someone tries something and is recorded. $200 bucks for a new system is chump change compared to any trial and (possible) subsequent incarceration.
*medical waste*
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2020 at 8:34 pm
(June 2, 2020 at 7:49 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote: I saw a show once where a woman made soap out of her ex, who was suffering from indigestion the whole show. When she tried to use the soap it burned off all her skin which looked much like the art she had been painting during the show. It was super dumb but funny.
There’s a terrific short story by Roald Dahl (the title escapes me) in which an elderly woman call the cops after finding her husband dead on the kitchen floor with his skull smashed. During the course of the investigation, she becomes friendly with the team looking into the death and has them all over for a lamb dinner.
Long story short, she had murdered her husband by beaning him with a frozen leg of lamb and got the cops to eat the murder weapon.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
June 2, 2020 at 10:46 pm
(June 2, 2020 at 8:34 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: (June 2, 2020 at 7:49 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote: I saw a show once where a woman made soap out of her ex, who was suffering from indigestion the whole show. When she tried to use the soap it burned off all her skin which looked much like the art she had been painting during the show. It was super dumb but funny.
There’s a terrific short story by Roald Dahl (the title escapes me) in which an elderly woman call the cops after finding her husband dead on the kitchen floor with his skull smashed. During the course of the investigation, she becomes friendly with the team looking into the death and has them all over for a lamb dinner.
Long story short, she had murdered her husband by beaning him with a frozen leg of lamb and got the cops to eat the murder weapon.
Boru
I'm pretty sure that that was made into a show by Alfred Hitchcock. But I could be wrong.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
June 3, 2020 at 2:08 pm
(June 2, 2020 at 8:34 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: (June 2, 2020 at 7:49 pm)Rhizomorph13 Wrote: I saw a show once where a woman made soap out of her ex, who was suffering from indigestion the whole show. When she tried to use the soap it burned off all her skin which looked much like the art she had been painting during the show. It was super dumb but funny.
There’s a terrific short story by Roald Dahl (the title escapes me) in which an elderly woman call the cops after finding her husband dead on the kitchen floor with his skull smashed. During the course of the investigation, she becomes friendly with the team looking into the death and has them all over for a lamb dinner.
Long story short, she had murdered her husband by beaning him with a frozen leg of lamb and got the cops to eat the murder weapon.
Boru
Tales of the unexpected.
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: joke time
June 3, 2020 at 3:04 pm
Holy fuck did I get some dejavu from that intro. :-)
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RE: joke time
June 3, 2020 at 3:09 pm
(June 3, 2020 at 2:08 pm)downbeatplumb Wrote: (June 2, 2020 at 8:34 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: There’s a terrific short story by Roald Dahl (the title escapes me) in which an elderly woman call the cops after finding her husband dead on the kitchen floor with his skull smashed. During the course of the investigation, she becomes friendly with the team looking into the death and has them all over for a lamb dinner.
Long story short, she had murdered her husband by beaning him with a frozen leg of lamb and got the cops to eat the murder weapon.
Boru
Tales of the unexpected.
That’s it! BRILLIANT catch!!
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
June 3, 2020 at 5:14 pm
Why do cops go to protests early?
To beat the crowds.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
June 6, 2020 at 2:39 am
I emailed a woman at work pictures of daggers.
Suddenly I'm up before HR for sending unsolicited dirk pictures...
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
