joke time

[The Valkyrie]

There a knock on the door one morning and the man answers it and sees a snail sitting on his porch.

His picks up the snail and throws it away as far as he can.

Three years later there's another knock at the door. The man answers it again to find the same snail on his porch.

"What the fuck was that for??" Demands the snail.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A snail (not the same one as in the last joke) slimes his way into the local Volkswagen dealership and picks out the car he wants.

After the usual haggling over the price and options, a deal is agreed to. 'But,' says the snail, 'I have one more request.  I'll buy the car if you removed the VW emblem and replace it with a Superman emblem.'

Puzzled, the salesman asks why on earth the snail would want to do that.

'Well,' answers the snail, 'it's because I want to drive fast.  And when I do, I want people to point at me and say, "Wow! Look at that S car go!" '

Boru

[Brian37]

This is not my joke, just repeating what I just saw on twitter.

" What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens asked for Martiny?"   "Olive or twist."

[Rhizomorph13]

This is not my joke, just repeating what I just saw on twitter.

" What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens asked for Martiny?"   "Olive or twist."

It is actually spelled martini. So, I understand how you are not a good speller, but how/why do you ignore the red squiggly line under words? I see that, of the suggestions for that word, martini is not amongst them. A google search of, "spell Martiny" yields these results:

https://www.google.com/search?q=spell+Ma...e&ie=UTF-8

The top one being the Merriam-Webster entry in the dictionary.

[onlinebiker]

This is not my joke, just repeating what I just saw on twitter.

" What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens asked for Martiny?"   "Olive or twist."

It is actually spelled martini. So, I understand how you are not a good speller, but how/why do you ignore the red squiggly line under words? I see that, of the suggestions for that word, martini is not amongst them. A google search of, "spell Martiny" yields these results:

https://www.google.com/search?q=spell+Ma...e&ie=UTF-8

The top one being the Merriam-Webster entry in the dictionary.

Martiny n: a very small martini. Served in an eyedropper.

[arewethereyet]

Martiny glasses...the perfect accessory.

[Brian37]

This is not my joke, just repeating what I just saw on twitter.

" What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens asked for Martiny?"   "Olive or twist."

It is actually spelled martini. So, I understand how you are not a good speller, but how/why do you ignore the red squiggly line under words? I see that, of the suggestions for that word, martini is not amongst them. A google search of, "spell Martiny" yields these results:

https://www.google.com/search?q=spell+Ma...e&ie=UTF-8

The top one being the Merriam-Webster entry in the dictionary.

Everyone rides me on that, and believe me, I DO TRY.

But I am also not being paid for my posts like a professional news reporter or college professor.  Nor when I post am I posting a PHD dissertation. I do try, but I am not going to kill myself over not  being perfect. If I had the means to pay someone to check my spelling everyday, trust me, I would be far harder on myself then anyone here. But since nobody is getting paid, I cant kill myself over being flawed.

[arewethereyet]

It is actually spelled martini. So, I understand how you are not a good speller, but how/why do you ignore the red squiggly line under words? I see that, of the suggestions for that word, martini is not amongst them. A google search of, "spell Martiny" yields these results:

https://www.google.com/search?q=spell+Ma...e&ie=UTF-8

The top one being the Merriam-Webster entry in the dictionary.

Everyone rides me on that, and believe me, I DO TRY.

But I am also not being paid for my posts like a professional news reporter or college professor.  Nor when I post am I posting a PHD dissertation. I do try, but I am not going to kill myself over not  being perfect. If I had the means to pay someone to check my spelling everyday, trust me, I would be far harder on myself then anyone here. But since nobody is getting paid, I cant kill myself over being flawed.

In the joke you saw on Twitter is martini spelled correctly?  If it is and you were copying it here why change the spelling?

[Rhizomorph13]

It is actually spelled martini. So, I understand how you are not a good speller, but how/why do you ignore the red squiggly line under words? I see that, of the suggestions for that word, martini is not amongst them. A google search of, "spell Martiny" yields these results:

https://www.google.com/search?q=spell+Ma...e&ie=UTF-8

The top one being the Merriam-Webster entry in the dictionary.

Everyone rides me on that, and believe me, I DO TRY.

But I am also not being paid for my posts like a professional news reporter or college professor.  Nor when I post am I posting a PHD dissertation. I do try, but I am not going to kill myself over not  being perfect. If I had the means to pay someone to check my spelling everyday, trust me, I would be far harder on myself then anyone here. But since nobody is getting paid, I cant kill myself over being flawed.

So you're not going to "kill yourself over not being perfect"? Um, it seriously only takes this much effort:

https://lmgtfy.com/?q=spell+martiny

[Little lunch]

bloody grandma nazis