Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 15, 2024, 10:50 am
Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
joke time
A. Secular Human Offline
Grand Poobah, Atheist Nerds of the U. S.
***
Religious Views: God who?
Posts: 1605
Threads: 0
Joined: October 2, 2018
Reputation: 11
#4181
RE: joke time
September 4, 2020 at 5:57 pm
(September 2, 2020 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I remember when Mum was first teaching me to cook. She said, ‘First, beat three eggs.’

I said, ‘At what?’

Boru

Getting laid?

Uh, oh.  Too late.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Find
Reply
The Valkyrie Offline
The last smile some will see...
*******
Religious Views: Time to end them
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation: 146
#4182
RE: joke time
September 7, 2020 at 7:05 am
Breaking news:

There has been an explosion at a cheese factory in France.

Da brie is everywhere.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Find
Reply
BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
Power-Drunk Administrator
*******
Religious Views: Headology
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation: 109
#4183
RE: joke time
September 7, 2020 at 7:18 am
Cleaning mirrors might be a difficult job, but it’s one I could see myself doing.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Find
Reply
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
*****
Religious Views: n/a
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation: 111
#4184
RE: joke time
September 7, 2020 at 7:43 am (This post was last modified: September 7, 2020 at 7:43 am by ignoramus.)
I was amazed to listen to a particle physicist speak about the small but real possibility of time travel.
I complimented him on his highly granular cutting edge knowledge of the universe and jokingly asked him what would he do if he created it.

He said he'd love to go back in time and speak with Adam and Eve.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Find
Reply
polymath257 Offline
Member
***
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 2412
Threads: 5
Joined: January 3, 2018
Reputation: 22
#4185
RE: joke time
September 7, 2020 at 9:13 am
Mountain oysters: the original sack lunch.
Find
Reply
The Valkyrie Offline
The last smile some will see...
*******
Religious Views: Time to end them
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation: 146
#4186
RE: joke time
September 7, 2020 at 11:08 pm
A few days ago I was walking through a car park and noticed a man's shirt protruding from the boot (trunk for you strange foreign devils from Trumpmania) of a large black car.

Upon further inspection I heard movement.

So, carefully I forced the boot open and, sure enough, there was a man in it.

"Please!", he said desperately, "I have children!"

"It's okay," I replied, "I'm trying to rescue you!"

"Please," he repeated, "just let me sleep for a few more hours!"

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Find
Reply
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
*****
Religious Views: n/a
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation: 111
#4187
RE: joke time
September 8, 2020 at 1:02 am
I had to leave/give away a lot of my tools for the move north.

I'm now looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned, who is willing to sell me her husband's garage tools for cheap Dunno
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Find
Reply
The Valkyrie Offline
The last smile some will see...
*******
Religious Views: Time to end them
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation: 146
#4188
RE: joke time
September 8, 2020 at 1:20 am
(September 8, 2020 at 1:02 am)ignoramus Wrote: I had to leave/give away a lot of my tools for the move north.

I'm now looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned, who is willing to sell me her husband's garage tools for cheap Dunno

From what I'm hearing there are fucking idiots marching in Melbourne right now.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Find
Reply
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
*****
Religious Views: n/a
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation: 111
#4189
RE: joke time
September 8, 2020 at 1:34 am
They're all fucked in the head down there. Seriously.
BUT, in their defence, stage 4 is the toughest restrictions in the world!
Curfew at 9pm. All businesses closed except for a few essential services.
Can only leave the house during the day for essential stuff, etc

Expecting 30% of businesses to close permanently and 40% house price falls caused from mortgage defaults (because of no jobs)
Not pretty. So glad I left.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Find
Reply
The Valkyrie Offline
The last smile some will see...
*******
Religious Views: Time to end them
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation: 146
#4190
RE: joke time
September 8, 2020 at 1:37 am
In all seriousness, I'm glad my house is freehold.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2748 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18797 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4844 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 265 Guest(s)