joke time

[onlinebiker]

It has Carrie Fisher with a rocket launcher.

What more could a guy want?

Ummmm...Carrie Fisher, Jabba-the-Hut slave girl??

That' ll launch your rocket....

[Jackie]

It has Carrie Fisher with a rocket launcher.

What more could a guy want?

Ummmm...Carrie Fisher, Jabba-the-Hut slave girl??

I love the original three, and I most certainly thought she was a powerful actor in the original three. But I prefer Farah Fawcett or Jacklyn Smith.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

At a couples' counselling meeting, the speaker pointed out that couples are so disconnected that 85% of men don't even know their wife's favourite flower.

Mick leaned over to his wife and whispered, 'It's self-raising, right?'

Boru

[Darinda]

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, “This is a special day. I’m celebrating.”

“I’m celebrating, too,” she replied, clinking glasses with him.

“What are you celebrating?” he asked.

“For years I’ve been trying to have a child,” she answered, “Today my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!”

“Congratulations,” the man said, lifting his glass. “As it happens, I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they’re finally fertile.”

“How did it happen?”

“I switched cocks.”

“What a coincidence,” she said, smiling.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Ummmm...Carrie Fisher, Jabba-the-Hut slave girl??

I love the original three, and I most certainly thought she was a powerful actor in the original three. But I prefer Farah Fawcett or Jacklyn Smith.

Of course, makes total sense. Roughly the same chance with them, so go all out in your fantasies. I always have.

I've always had crushes on characters women play, but realised they were not the person.  Jut as well. EG Winona Ryder seems to be a fruit cake in real life. As for that charlatan, the Paltrow female, farrrrck.  Could she truly be that ignorant  or is she simply a greedy, immoral skank?

[Darinda]

“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market.”

“Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you.”

“I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market.”

“Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you.”

“I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”

 That sounds like my first girlfriend, although she didn't manage change me at all.

I ran into her at her mum's funeral, 30 years later. She'd come over from England. I was invited to visit her and her hubby in Cambridge. So I did that. She tied to do it again. Bossy! Within a week I was ready to push her down the stairs. Sooo glad we didn't marry. I went backpacking.  That was great 

[Darinda]

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems. Every time they would do it, she would complain about splinters, so Pinocchio went to Geppetto about the problem.

Geppetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had se x with his girlfriend.

A week later, Geppetto asked Pinocchio, “So how’s it going with your girlfriend?”
Pinocchio said, “Who needs a girlfriend?”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. I find that very humerus.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I just read a joke about Oedipus and Midas. It was motherfucking gold.

Boru