joke time

[A. Secular Human]

Bought a Christmas tree today.

"Will you be putting that up yourself?"

"No, you sick fuck, I'll be putting it up in the living room!"

Putting it up isn't the issue.

Taking it down might be a problem, though...

[The Valkyrie]

Apparently, "one man's trash is another man's treasure" is an "appalling" way to tell kids they're adopted.

[The Valkyrie]

My friend arrived from Sydney yesterday.

"You look different," I said.

"Yes. My doctor has put me on steroids and I've started to grow a penis!"

"Steroids? Anabolic?"

"No, just the penis!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My wife and I are thinking of starting a business where we rent out sea monsters for parties and whatnot.

We’re going to call it, ‘We Lease The Kraken’.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

My friend arrived from Sydney yesterday.

"You look different," I said.

"Yes.  My doctor has put me on steroids and I've started to grow a penis!"

"Steroids?  Anabolic?"

"No, just the penis!"

Which goes to show that male hormones tend to quickly make one stupid.
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LET THE FLAMING BEGIN!

[LinuxGal]

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two elderly friends meet on the streets of Kyiv and, naturally enough, talk about the war.

One says, ‘I’ve been out of touch for some time. What’s been going on?’

His friend answers, ‘Well, in the war between NATO and Russia, the Russians have lost over a hundred thousand soldiers, hundreds of tanks and artillery pieces, dozens of warplanes and helicopters, and even a few ships.’

‘Good news!’, says the first man. ‘And what are NATO’s losses?’

‘Oh, NATO hasn’t gotten here yet.’

Boru

[LinuxGal]

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist sees an oncoming freight train.

The train driver sees three fucking idiots standing on the tracks.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

You know what's fun? When you're at a car dealership, tell the salesperson, 'I really like the car, but tell me if you can hear this', then lock yourself in the boot and start screaming.

Boru

[LinuxGal]