Is promoting virginity harmful to young girls/women?

[DramaQueen]

It isn't being 'slaughtered' that makes them nervous.


(I don't want to have to spell this out for you.)

Am koolis wut

[Michael]

Losty,

Personally I don't like the idea of children pledging virginity. I think the decision must be made by the adult, and it's a decision that adults make day by day rather than as something pledged.

But I do support the ideal of sex within marriage, or at least within a relationship that is willing and able to commit to raise any child resulting from sex. For me that it is because I believe life starts at conception, and so I cannot condone abortion. Sex, being intrinsically linked to pregnancy is therefore best kept within a relationship that is able and prepared to bring up that child. There is also an intimacy of sex that is inevitably devalued by having multiple partners; as someone said earlier it simply becomes 'sport'. I prefer values that hold it as something more special than sport or entertainment. Needless to say there is also an advantage that STDs would have much lower impact if the number of sexual partners were significantly reduced (we now know, for example, that the risk of early preterm birth, a major cause of disability, increases significantly with the number of sexual partners a woman has had, because it is linked to hidden low-grade genital infection).

But the title of your thread made me a wince a little because it does seem to reflect a greater pressure on girls than boys, and I think that reflects the reality. No doubt that is because of where the consequences lie, and girls were wrongly ostracised in the past whereas boys could disappear back into the background. That was very wrong.

Anyway, that's just a view from another place. I appreciate that I'm taking a counter-cultural (at least on this forum) view here, so will go and don my tin hat.

[paulpablo]

This article made me cry.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/samantha-pugsl...h-i-hadnt/
For those who know me you know that I did not wait to have sex for marriage, but instead I was pressured into marrying the man I lost my virginity to. That marriage was a traumatic experience for me, but even before everything else I felt like a whore. Not in a good way. I felt dirty and disgusting and I hated having sex. I liked sex (physically) unlike the woman in this article. My body enjoyed it and I felt so ashamed for that. That's why these virginity pledges make me so sick. Why do people insist on teaching young girls that it is shameful for them to be sexual?

I think in any circumstances a girl taking a dick for the first time might be traumatic. This girl seemed to be under the mistaken assumption that sex in marriage would be angelic and more graceful than sex outside of marriage.
There's the problem that the girl had of having her virginity become her identity and that can happen in lots of situations, like if you're a drug addict when you become that guy who does drugs, another hurdle in giving up the drugs is being under pressure from the reputation you have. I felt that pressure when I took drugs now I feel that pressure because I go to the gym all the time I've become that fitness freak who goes to the gym all the time and now that's my reputation instead.

[Brakeman]

The idea of boys as "virgins" is new. Boys were simply considered "inexperienced."

The paternalistic demand that girls be virgins is because that a man's greatest fear is to be compared poorly to another man.

[Losty]

---

Losty,

Personally I don't like the idea of children pledging virginity. I think the decision must be made by the adult, and it's a decision that adults make day by day rather than as something pledged.

But I do support the ideal of sex within marriage, or at least within a relationship that is willing and able to commit to raise any child resulting from sex. For me that it is because I believe life starts at conception, and so I cannot condone abortion. Sex, being intrinsically linked to pregnancy is therefore best kept within a relationship that is able and prepared to bring up that child. There is also an intimacy of sex that is inevitably devalued by having multiple partners; as someone said earlier it simply becomes 'sport'. I prefer values that hold it as something more special than sport or entertainment. Needless to say there is also an advantage that STDs would have much lower impact if the number of sexual partners were significantly reduced (we now know, for example, that the risk of early preterm birth, a major cause of disability, increases significantly with the number of sexual partners a woman has had, because it is linked to hidden low-grade genital infection).

But the title of your thread made me a wince a little because it does seem to reflect a greater pressure on girls than boys, and I think that reflects the reality. No doubt that is because of where the consequences lie, and girls were wrongly ostracised in the past whereas boys could disappear back into the background. That was very wrong.

Anyway, that's just a view from another place. I appreciate that I'm taking a counter-cultural (at least on this forum) view here, so will go and don my tin hat.

---

If you want to teach your daughter(or son) that she should wait because stds and pregnancy that is fine. That is not the issue that I take. The issue is that people cannot turn thoughts and feelings off just because of a marriage certificate. So if you teach them that sex(sexuality/sexual thoughts) outside of marriage are sinful/wrong/bad/dirty that is wrong. It's a disgusting thing to tell a child that something natural (something they will inevitably feel and/or think about) is something they should be ashamed of.

Ps. I see nothing wrong with sex as a sport. I have my own "demons" (thank you PTSD) mixing sex and love leaves me feeling icky and violated.

[DramaQueen]

How does repressed sexuality is harmful?and define harmful.

[Ravenshire]

There is also an intimacy of sex that is inevitably devalued by having multiple partners; as someone said earlier it simply becomes 'sport'.

Intimacy comes from emotional attachment. Sex is entertainment. Conflating sex and intimacy is just the church's teachings coming out. The most intimate moments I've ever shared have not been sexual. The best, most mind blowingly, holy crap I never knew anything could be that awesome sex I've ever had was with people I had no emotional bond with.

Keep putting sex on some kind of pedestal. You'll likely wind up disappointed.

And please don't mis-quote me. I didn't say it "simply becomes sport," I said it should be "considered a sport."

[Polaris]

The idea of boys as "virgins" is new. Boys were simply considered "inexperienced."

The paternalistic demand that girls be virgins is because that a man's greatest fear is to be compared poorly to another man.

Maybe it is because they did not want to potentially marry a woman who was already pregnant from another man.

Intimacy comes from emotional attachment. Sex is entertainment. Conflating sex and intimacy is just the church's teachings coming out. The most intimate moments I've ever shared have not been sexual. The best, most mind blowingly, holy crap I never knew anything could be that awesome sex I've ever had was with people I had no emotional bond with.

Don't cheaters use that logic that it did not mean anything because there was no emotional connection?

[Ravenshire]

Intimacy comes from emotional attachment. Sex is entertainment. Conflating sex and intimacy is just the church's teachings coming out. The most intimate moments I've ever shared have not been sexual. The best, most mind blowingly, holy crap I never knew anything could be that awesome sex I've ever had was with people I had no emotional bond with.

Don't cheaters use that logic that it did not mean anything because there was no emotional connection?

They may well do so. What's this red herring got to do with the discussion at hand?!?

[Drich]

In the "arab" world you need to have an intact hymen (there has to be blood) to get married. Or else

So our females stay virgins.

Or else what? Their will be blood?