Is promoting virginity harmful to young girls/women?

[Losty]

Hmm when my kids take interest in something I don't know how to do, I look it up and study it and learn how to do it. (That's how I learned to fix a toilet)
It's the same thing I do when they ask me questions I don't know the answer to. Kids just need to be raised by someone who loves them and is actively involved in their lives. Positive influences and such. I never did teach my son to pee standing up....he somehow figured it out on his own.

[DramaQueen]

My dad never taught me anything.I find the way other people have fun and kidding with their father kinda rude.

And my mum's idea of corporal punishment is punching when I was a teen, kicking, kneeing and elbowing.
Before then she hit me with stuff.

[Natachan]

My mom was also the one who hit me (until I got to be bigger and stronger than her, and that stopped it). My dad was mostly absentee so I don't hold to the "father figure" thing.

If I have any stigma left from my religious upbringing it's this. I didn't wait till I was married to have sex, and then I had a couple guys I played with. I'm not intellectually ashamed, but my family has made me feel really shitty about it. And to be frank it's one of the reasons I don't associate with my family much.

[StealthySkeptic]

Teaching that sex or sexuality is in any way wrong is one of the worst things religion does. "Be fruitful and multiply." How the fuck are we supposed to do that if we wind up stuck with someone we're not sexually compatible with?!?

Society will have taken a huge leap forward when sex is finally recognized as the biological function it is instead of treating it as some taboo that must be hidden away.

Instead of putting it on a pedestal, fucking should be considered a sport.

I remember a movie that was a series of skits back in the 70s (no I'm not that old, I just remember watching it on TV) that had one skit where sex actually was a sport with commentators and just laughing my ass off.

---

But anyway, in all seriousness, seeing women as some sort of precious flower not to be plucked until marriage is really harmful to both women AND men in my opinion. For some men, being seen as sexual animals that women must guard themselves against means that for them, masculinity is defined as gathering as many conquests as possible so as to make that external image fit in with their self-image.

For me, however, as for so many others, Christianity led me into a life of fear and discomfort about talking about sexuality at all, and has led to a lack of communication between myself and my girlfriend who holds the paternalistic and wholly antiquated idea of virginity in her head, as I don't want to be seen as going too far or being pushy if I ask for something that is a little bit more intense than what we have done so far, and she seems to have insecurity about her looks.

[Ravenshire]

But to describe sex as 'entertainment' and 'sport', and separate it out from intimacy, certainly would appear to me to lack something vital for any marriage.

Whoa there champ. While I did make the distinction between sex and intimacy, I never said you can't enjoy both at the same time. I'll spell it out. Sex is not intimacy and intimacy is not sex. If it were, you could not have an intimate evening with a loved one without at least getting a blow job. Intimacy is mental and can be found in many places. Sex is physical and while it can be coupled with intimacy, it certainly doesn't have to be. Just as intimacy can be coupled with sex.

The best sex you'll ever have is with a no expectations, no regrets partner. Especially if she/he is a little (or maybe even a lot) on the wild side in the sack.

I recommend everyone have a fuck buddy, at least until they're married and I encourage open relationships within marriage. It takes mature attitudes to handle open relationships, but you shouldn't be getting married without a mature attitude to begin with.

[Jenny A]

Why is it that you think "entertainment" sex and "intimate" sex are mutually exclusive...

I was responding to GalacticBusDriver's response where he(?) drew the distinction: "Intimacy comes from emotional attachment. Sex is entertainment. Conflating sex and intimacy is just the church's teachings coming out."

I would see a Christian view of sex as one that would always hold on to intimacy, and often with entertainment as well. But to describe sex as 'entertainment' and 'sport', and separate it out from intimacy, certainly would appear to me to lack something vital for any marriage.

This is just personal response, but I have two very different kinds of sex with the same man. Prior to marriage I also had both kinds of sex with every partner I've ever had. One is not exactly sport (that implies a competition) but it is a game. And that kind of sex is often off the charts in terms of sexual response. The other is highly intimate and emotionally communicative and very satisfying psychologically but not so much orgasmically. I wouldn't want to give up either one. I don't see why this should be an either/or conversation.

I don't think marriage has much to do with which kind of sex you have either.

I agree with Losty that teaching that loss of virginity equals bad girl, is a bad thing. It limits both kinds of good sex.

Teaching safe sex is a good thing.

---

But to describe sex as 'entertainment' and 'sport', and separate it out from intimacy, certainly would appear to me to lack something vital for any marriage.

Whoa there champ. While I did make the distinction between sex and intimacy, I never said you can't enjoy both at the same time. I'll spell it out. Sex is not intimacy and intimacy is not sex. If it were, you could not have an intimate evening with a loved one without at least getting a blow job. Intimacy is mental and can be found in many places. Sex is physical and while it can be coupled with intimacy, it certainly doesn't have to be. Just as intimacy can be coupled with sex.

The best sex you'll ever have is with a no expectations, no regrets partner. Especially if she/he is a little (or maybe even a lot) on the wild side in the sack.

I recommend everyone have a fuck buddy, at least until they're married and I encourage open relationships within marriage. It takes mature attitudes to handle open relationships, but you shouldn't be getting married without a mature attitude to begin with.

Never had a fuck buddy. But in the event of sudden singleness, I can imagine wanting such a man. Probably still go looking for a partner though.

[downbeatplumb]

But to describe sex as 'entertainment' and 'sport', and separate it out from intimacy, certainly would appear to me to lack something vital for any marriage.

Sex without love is a cold meaningless act.

But as cold meaningless acts go, its one of the best: Woody Allen

[bladevalant546]

I been on the sexually repressed side, and it sucks. I think this is a cruel thing religion has done, not only does it effect them later on in life. It makes starting off late stressful.

[LastPoet]

There is a saying here and forgive me for the rough translation: "It [the vagina] is unsuitable to keep money, as it has the opening upside down, and its way too moist to be a barn. What else a woman is supposed to do with it?"

[Losty]

Lol. Well....that's....hahahaha