She Keeps Sucking The Life Out of Me

[Alex K]

The question is whether he can, or wants to avert the

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Tiz6INF7I

[Losty]

I just wanted to add in here. I am shocked at the number of people who were against the vacation. I see nothing wrong with a person who is in a stable committed marriage going off for a week with some friends. No matter how much you love someone I can only imagine after several years you need a break to remember that you are not simply so and so's spouse but you are also your own person. Take a break to be just you for a week with old friends you haven't seen since college. In a trusting marriage, you should be able to do that and come home rejuvenated to a spouse who has also had a nice break and is happy to have you home. I feel like so many marriages fail because people think you're supposed to get married and then forevermore be Mr. And Mrs. Couple that never does anything separate. Also, if you can't trust your spouse for a week without you, you probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place.

[Alex K]

Losty, you are absolutely right. However, this only works if this is more than balanced by vacation times together, so the question OP needs to ask himself whether there is a good balance of good times spent together, and individual stuff. Of course, if that is the case, and his wife is still extremely jealous of any solo activities, that is a different issue.

[*Deidre*]

I'm not a marriage advocate but having said that...if you are not happy in yours, you should either work on things, or divorce. Sounds like you both aren't happy, frankly...

A vacation with your buds shouldn't cause an eruption from your wife, so probably more than meets the eye here.
Sometimes, in any relationship, the love just runs out...and you're just keeping things together for reasons that have nothing to do with why you got together in the first place.

I'd examine why you both are in it, if in fact, you're not all that happy. It takes two. Nothing wrong with ending things, if you both aren't fulfilled anymore, together.

But, then again...I suck at relationships so take everything I just said with a HUGE grain of salt.

[John V]

I just wanted to add in here. I am shocked at the number of people who were against the vacation. I see nothing wrong with a person who is in a stable committed marriage going off for a week with some friends. No matter how much you love someone I can only imagine after several years you need a break to remember that you are not simply so and so's spouse but you are also your own person. Take a break to be just you for a week with old friends you haven't seen since college. In a trusting marriage, you should be able to do that and come home rejuvenated to a spouse who has also had a nice break and is happy to have you home. I feel like so many marriages fail because people think you're supposed to get married and then forevermore be Mr. And Mrs. Couple that never does anything separate. Also, if you can't trust your spouse for a week without you, you probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place.

For me it's not a simple yes/no issue.

If I told my wife I wanted to go on a golf trip for a long weekend with some married men from church, she'd be fine with it.

If I told her I wanted to go to Las Vegas with some divorced guys from work, she'd likely object.

For most people, vacation time and money are limited resources. I don't know OP's situation. Maybe he's wealthy and can take as much time off as he likes. But for most people, a week-long international trip will use up significant vacation time and money.

As to trust, no one's perfect, and it's a good idea to limit opportunities for temptation when apart from your spouse no matter how strong the relationship may be.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I just wanted to add in here. I am shocked at the number of people who were against the vacation. I see nothing wrong with a person who is in a stable committed marriage going off for a week with some friends. No matter how much you love someone I can only imagine after several years you need a break to remember that you are not simply so and so's spouse but you are also your own person. Take a break to be just you for a week with old friends you haven't seen since college. In a trusting marriage, you should be able to do that and come home rejuvenated to a spouse who has also had a nice break and is happy to have you home. I feel like so many marriages fail because people think you're supposed to get married and then forevermore be Mr. And Mrs. Couple that never does anything separate. Also, if you can't trust your spouse for a week without you, you probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place.

It's not that I'm against a solo vacation; that's fine ... so long as you don't forget matters, both significant and minor, that your loved one values.

When you go off and have a good times in Sri Lanka or wherever, and then forget something so simple as your wife's birthday, that says something about your priorities.

[Whateverist]

I am shocked at the number of people who were against the vacation. I see nothing wrong with a person who is in a stable committed marriage going off for a week with some friends. No matter how much you love someone I can only imagine after several years you need a break to remember that you are not simply so and so's spouse but you are also your own person. Take a break to be just you for a week with old friends you haven't seen since college. In a trusting marriage, you should be able to do that and come home rejuvenated to a spouse who has also had a nice break and is happy to have you home. I feel like so many marriages fail because people think you're supposed to get married and then forevermore be Mr. And Mrs. Couple that never does anything separate. Also, if you can't trust your spouse for a week without you, you probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place.

Word! One of my favorite aspects of my own marriage is that my wife takes several or more trips a year to give talks, attend openings or go to conferences. I love getting a week to move at my own pace and to notice by its absence what it is I like about having her around.

Beyond that we don't crowd each other even when we're around. We still play cards over every meal we eat together when no one else is here. But I have the freedom to sink hours into the garden or reading and she does the same in her studio. I've got to get regular solitude to feel centered at all.

One thing we both have is a lot of is trust, we both get it. So that just isn't a concern. It is only a matter of comfort. I joke with Lia that if she goes for more than 10 days she should be considerate and arrange for her own temporary replacement to spare me the inconvenience.

[Losty]

If I told her I wanted to go to Las Vegas with some divorced guys from work, she'd likely object.

If your wife doesn't trust you it's something you need to work on. Either you've given her a reason not to trust you, or she has an unhealthy level of jealousy. Whether your friends are married, single, divorced, or widowed has no bearing on how trustworthy you are. If you as an adult feel you cannot handle any amount of peer pressure (that you hopefully wouldn't receive because you're friends aren't teenagers or jackasses, right?) to cheat on your wife, then you as a trustworthy husband would choose on your own not to take such a trip. The idea that a man cannot handle a week away from his wife without fucking every female in sight is ridiculous.

However, I would like to say that I am pleased you would even consider your wife's opinion. Based on previous sexist posts by you I assumed if your wife objected to something you wanted you would proceed to put her in her place.

[Jenny A]

I just wanted to add in here. I am shocked at the number of people who were against the vacation. I see nothing wrong with a person who is in a stable committed marriage going off for a week with some friends. No matter how much you love someone I can only imagine after several years you need a break to remember that you are not simply so and so's spouse but you are also your own person. Take a break to be just you for a week with old friends you haven't seen since college. In a trusting marriage, you should be able to do that and come home rejuvenated to a spouse who has also had a nice break and is happy to have you home. I feel like so many marriages fail because people think you're supposed to get married and then forevermore be Mr. And Mrs. Couple that never does anything separate. Also, if you can't trust your spouse for a week without you, you probably shouldn't be married to them in the first place.

It's not the vacation, it's the separate vacation together with other neglectfulness that suggests the separate vacation is yet more neglectfulness.

[Tonus]

Word! One of my favorite aspects of my own marriage is that my wife takes several or more trips a year to give talks, attend openings or go to conferences. I love getting a week to move at my own pace and to notice by its absence what it is I like about having her around.

Beyond that we don't crowd each other even when we're around. We still play cards over every meal we eat together when no one else is here. But I have the freedom to sink hours into the garden or reading and she does the same in her studio. I've got to get regular solitude to feel centered at all.

One thing we both have is a lot of is trust, we both get it. So that just isn't a concern. It is only a matter of comfort. I joke with Lia that if she goes for more than 10 days she should be considerate and arrange for her own temporary replacement to spare me the inconvenience.

Ummm... how is any of that possible if you're an atheist?