I wrote a poem

[Fendon]

Yesterday, I spontaneously decided that I was going to write a poem. I've never done this before and it was totally out of the blue, but I thought I'd share the poem with you guys. I'd love some feedback on it, whether you're a veteran poet or as nooby as I am.

Eternal Sacrifice

I can barely hear the passionate proclamations - my pastor in the back pews;
Tucked away in my corner, bibles surround me,
Mine the only one lathered in a thin film of dust;
Ancient words, from ancient people, with ancient values.

Can you hear them?
Poisoned bigots chanting, their placards held high:
"God hates gays, God hates gays, God hates gays..."
Meanwhile that pastor chants cries of love, awesome power and tolerance.

Somewhere, out there is a scientist,
Furiously jotting down notes,
Research, research, research;
We give no credit to our scientist;
Oh no, that we give to God.

You can sit there Mr Pastor, on your patronizing pedestal, procrastinating,
While millions overseas suffer, starve and shout similar cries of anguish,
While God somehow values our prayers over theirs.

And I could leave, Mr Pastor;
I could abandon a cruel indoctrination, leave all this behind;
I could go on my way, taking what little self-worth I still have;
But I won't - I gave all that to God.

So I sit here, absorbing nothing,
Your monotonous murmur enough to drive me mad;
Skeptically, I ponder - To God I gave my life,
To me, I gave nothing but strife.

[Minimalist]

I wrote a haiku,


It is time to say,
Go blow jesus out your ass.
Min has now spoken.

[robvalue]

Nice work

[Thumpalumpacus]

I do a little poeting on occasion ... a little more impressionistic and less concrete. Not bad.