Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: January 3, 2025, 4:00 am
Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
CapnAwesome Offline Donators
Donator
*****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 5436
Threads: 138
Joined: September 6, 2012
Reputation: 58
#21
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 4:42 pm (This post was last modified: February 19, 2015 at 4:42 pm by CapnAwesome.)
It sounds like the people in hell will be having way better sex in the afterlife.
[Image: dcep7c.jpg]
Find
Reply
Exian Offline
Top Member
****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 5492
Threads: 53
Joined: September 4, 2014
Reputation: 55
#22
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 4:50 pm
This came to mind:

Quote:Adam Sandler – My Little Chicken Lyrics
When I'm feeling down
And feeling sad
You come around
And make me glad
I got you
Oh, my little chicken

I love your feet
I love your breasts
I love the way you eat gravel
To help you digest
Oh, my little chicken

People say you're using me
In your heart you're a killer
But I know the worst
I should fear is
A slight case of salmonella
So lie right back
Don't you cry
If an egg can fit in there
Why can't I.....mmmmmmm
Oh my little

Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk,
Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk

You're my love
My little chicken likes
To wear garter belts
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
Find
Reply
vorlon13 Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: agnostic 12 stepper
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation: 92
#23
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 4:54 pm
I have way slow internet so I'm not able to watch the video, but I'm betting he omitted sounding.

And as noted above, what is not forbidden is required.

Wink Shades
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




Find
Reply
Jacob(smooth) Offline Donators
Damn Sword! Damn Field!
*****
Religious Views: Indiscriminate Apologist
Posts: 3432
Threads: 102
Joined: November 13, 2013
Reputation: 59
#24
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:02 pm
(February 19, 2015 at 4:54 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: I have way slow internet so I'm not able to watch the video, but I'm betting he omitted sounding.

And as noted above, what is not forbidden is required.

Wink Shades

I'm sure he'd be fine with that so long as it's a man doing it .

To a woman obviously. ..
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken."
Sith code
Find
Reply
emilynghiem Offline
Banned
Religious Views: Constitutionalist
Posts: 176
Threads: 6
Joined: February 7, 2015
Reputation: 2
#25
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:11 pm
CAN WE DO IT IN A BOX?
IN A THREESOME WITH A FOX?

NOT IN A BOX. NOT WITH A FOX.
NOT IN A HOUSE. NOT WITH A MOUSE.
YOU CANNOT DO THAT HERE OR THERE.
GOD WILL SEE YOU ANYWHERE!
Find
Reply
rexbeccarox Offline
Getting there...
*****
Religious Views: none
Posts: 7085
Threads: 69
Joined: September 11, 2012
Reputation: 84
#26
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:14 pm
This thread is starting to sound like a John Waters movie.

Damn, that pastor is hilarious! I bet his wife hates him, though.
Find
Reply
CapnAwesome Offline Donators
Donator
*****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 5436
Threads: 138
Joined: September 6, 2012
Reputation: 58
#27
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:23 pm
(February 19, 2015 at 5:14 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote: This thread is starting to sound like a John Waters movie.

Damn, that pastor is hilarious! I bet his wife hates him, though.

Maybe she doesn't hate him, but she probably loves the mailman.
[Image: dcep7c.jpg]
Find
Reply
Exian Offline
Top Member
****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 5492
Threads: 53
Joined: September 4, 2014
Reputation: 55
#28
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:27 pm
I've done it cow style a few times. 10/10
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
Find
Reply
Jackalope Away
Elon Musk owes me money
*******
Religious Views: Absent
Posts: 30979
Threads: 204
Joined: July 19, 2011
Reputation: 141
#29
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:31 pm
So, I can't be bothered to watch the video.

I'm assuming piledriver is still on the menu?
Find
Reply
Crossless2.0 Offline
Senior Member
****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 7568
Threads: 20
Joined: July 26, 2013
Reputation: 54
#30
RE: Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!
February 19, 2015 at 5:36 pm
(February 19, 2015 at 5:31 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: So, I can't be bothered to watch the video.

I'm assuming piledriver is still on the menu?

I devoutly hope so. And fisting. I don't think that was prohibited.
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Community › Religion › Christianity v
Finally! The definitive list of sexual positions which will sentence you to Hell!

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Which version of xtianity is most likely to be correct? FrustratedFool 20 2463 December 8, 2023 at 10:21 am
Last Post: Anomalocaris
  SCIENCE FINALLY PROVES.... ronedee 149 13918 September 29, 2023 at 5:53 pm
Last Post: Bucky Ball
  If you knew for certain that you were going to Hell zwanzig 32 3940 March 9, 2021 at 8:48 pm
Last Post: Ryantology
  Church of England 'failed to protect children from sexual abusers' zebo-the-fat 25 2840 October 8, 2020 at 7:11 pm
Last Post: no one
  which version of christianity is correct? Drich 86 11987 March 30, 2020 at 3:34 am
Last Post: Dundee
  Perhaps African Americans Are Finally Catching On Minimalist 81 15364 October 20, 2018 at 5:48 am
Last Post: downbeatplumb
  Sexual abuse in the Catholic church. How widespread is it? Graufreud 26 3175 August 14, 2018 at 1:00 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Which is the cause, which the effect: religious fundamentalism <=> brain impairment Whateverist 31 6225 March 20, 2018 at 3:20 pm
Last Post: The Grand Nudger
  Ex-Christians: How do you lose your fear of hell? KiwiNFLFan 29 6736 November 20, 2017 at 2:07 pm
Last Post: purplepurpose
  Which denominations have you spotted on this forum? Fake Messiah 87 17360 August 19, 2017 at 10:14 am
Last Post: vorlon13



Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)