Am I being a hypocrite

[Eilonnwy]

All talk of an afterlife is just bollocks. Sympathy isn't talking shit - it's offering realistic comfort... stuff like we remember the good times, note the persons influence, ... focussing on the positives and celebrating the life rather than letting our loss stop us functioning. Pointing out the necessity for grief and tears and the healing properties of that.

And you can do all that without lying about what you believe.

[LEDO]

Hello all and hope you're all well.

Just want to pose a dillema that many of you will have come across.

I don't believe in an afterlife, however a close friend of mines' boyfriend has recently died, and when she asks me what I think, I find myself assuring her that I'm sure he's somewhere where they can both meet up when she dies.

Am I being a hypocrite, a coward or should I stand by and voice my real belief.

Thanks for listening

Chris

You are being polite and comforting the grieving. If you brought out that atheism crap at this point, you would be true to your beliefs, but an asshole.

[Autumnlicious]

Let the living remember the dead, for they exist with us in our memories.

The surest form of immortality is to be remembered by others.

[Violet]

Let the living remember the dead, for they exist with us in our memories.

The surest form of immortality is to be remembered by others.

And then forgotten once they all die

[chris]

Thank you all very much for your support and views.

It has been very helpful to read all the differing comments. I know I'm not being true to my beliefs, but I don't have the heart to disilusion her or anyone else in that position. Should this come up again, I'm sure I'd do the same thing.

All the best


Chris

[fr0d0]

Let the living remember the dead, for they exist with us in our memories.

The surest form of immortality is to be remembered by others.

Uh oh ... double theist kudos = FAIL!!!

[libraryowl]

I know that Darwin once expressed a fear of his theories spreading. "If the masses are brought to believe in evolution, and the falsehood of religion, what should become of the fabric of our society?"

He wasn't saying that religion is the only way to be moral- just that most people weren't ready to live a life without religion- it wasn't the right time for them to hear the truth.

Now for somebody suffering loss, regardless of their education or intelligence, that certainly isn't the right time for them to hear the truth. Death is enough of a cold hard fact, should we pile anything more on top of it?

Yes, you're being a hypocrite. You've gotta be one sometimes, in this world.

[deicide110]

You are being polite and comforting the grieving. If you brought out that atheism crap at this point, you would be true to your beliefs, but an asshole.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, you're being a hypocrite. You've gotta be one sometimes, in this world.

My sentiments exactly

[Autumnlicious]

It matters only to you whether saying what you feel to be false or unsubstantiated against your better judgement. But you did ease another's loss. There is always a fine line between being true to yourself and helping others. Sometimes you gotta cross it, for better or worse.

That is the joy of being human. The ability to make the a choice.

[EggSpurt]

In a situation like that it's tough to be both honest and consoling. A fitting answer could have been "i don't know if there's life after death, but one thing i know for certain is that he lives on in our minds and hearts", but let's be real. Most of us aren't gifted with extemporaneous diplomacy. With no time to think the answer over, I would have probably said something really f'n stupid. All things considered, i think you did fine and shouldn't beat yourself up over it, but if it the thought of being a hypocrite gnaws away at you, do what i do. Make your views known to others early, through conversation, preferably at a boring time, when emotions aren't flying high (like at a funeral).