Posts: 3395
Threads: 43
Joined: February 8, 2015
Reputation:
33
"The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 3:42 pm
Quote:Are we all slaves to Big Pickle?
I am going to lay out a series of facts. I will then propose a set of conclusions based solely on those facts. There are forces in this world that would prefer I not publish these facts and their related conclusions. But you are free to read them and evaluate them for yourself—because this is the United States of America.
Consider pickles. Cucumbers marinated in vinegar and spices. A popular snack treat. The average American eats nine pounds of pickles each year.
American grocery stores, naturally, stock a wide variety of pickles. The majority of the pickles they stock are dill pickles. This makes sense, because dill pickles are by far the most popular variety of pickle in America. "Sweet" pickles, that have been marinated in a solution containing sugar, are a distant second in popularity.
Consider relish. It is little more than chopped up pickles. A popular condiment for hot dogs, potato salad, tuna fish, and what have you. Like pickles, relish is also available at American grocery stores. And yet—and yet—although dill pickles are easily the most popular kind of pickle, dill relish is frequently unavailable in grocery stores. It plays second fiddle to a form of relish that inexplicably fills the shelves: sweet relish.
Don't believe me? Go into your local grocery store and check. I'll wait. You will see that I am correct. Dill relish is either totally unavailable, or available in less quantity and variety than sweet relish. It is fair to say that sweet relish dominates the offerings of the typical American grocery store.
...
http://blackbag.gawker.com/the-great-relish-mystery-1693818896/+LeahBeckmann
Read the full article for more on the great pickle relish conspiracy, in which Americans are deprived of their right to choose, by large, greedy corporations that foist their less tasty and less healthy relish on us and deprive us of the right to choose what we want.
See also:
http://gawker.com/5976125/the-sweet-vs-dill-relish-imbalance-is-an-outrage
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
Posts: 6120
Threads: 64
Joined: June 5, 2013
Reputation:
65
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 4:01 pm
Teenaged X-Files obsession + Bermuda Triangle episode + Self-led school research project = Atheist.
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation:
92
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 5:44 pm
Just guessing that most relish goes on hot dogs and brats and the sweet variety works better for that.*
*I like dill pickles, but neither kind of relish.
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
Posts: 18544
Threads: 145
Joined: March 18, 2015
Reputation:
100
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 7:41 pm
Mix relish and mayo and you get tartar sauce.
You're welcome.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
Posts: 2985
Threads: 29
Joined: October 26, 2014
Reputation:
31
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 9:10 pm
Ho. Ly. Crap. THIS EXPLAINS THE KRAFT-HEINZ MERGER: two multinational condiment conglomerates joining forces to perpetuate the pickle conspiracy.
How will we know, when the morning comes, we are still human? - 2D
Don't worry, my friend. If this be the end, then so shall it be.
Posts: 18544
Threads: 145
Joined: March 18, 2015
Reputation:
100
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 10:57 pm
(March 30, 2015 at 9:10 pm)TRJF Wrote: Ho. Ly. Crap. THIS EXPLAINS THE KRAFT-HEINZ MERGER: two multinational condiment conglomerates joining forces to perpetuate the pickle conspiracy.
^Kudos^
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
Posts: 15351
Threads: 118
Joined: January 13, 2014
Reputation:
117
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 30, 2015 at 11:17 pm
I can easily demolish a whole jar of Claussen Dill pickles. Any variety. Whole, quartered, sandwich. In my mouth. Don't quote mine that.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
Posts: 56
Threads: 10
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
3
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 31, 2015 at 10:53 am
That is fucked up. I am outraged.
Posts: 12586
Threads: 397
Joined: September 17, 2010
Reputation:
96
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 31, 2015 at 12:26 pm
BECAUSE CHOPPING UP DILL PICKLES AND MAKING YOUR OWN GODDAMN RELISH IS TOO DIFFICULT.
Posts: 18544
Threads: 145
Joined: March 18, 2015
Reputation:
100
RE: "The Great Relish Mystery"
March 31, 2015 at 12:42 pm
It is if you hate cooking. Or are lazy. Or both. Because if you really want to make your own, you have to make your own mayo too.
I prefer to spend five seconds grabbing a jar off the shelf. Less mess that way.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
|
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=media.giphy.com%2Fmedia%2FPmj0LFzTP0gOk%2Fgiphy.gif)
![[Image: Untitled2_zpswaosccbr.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1140.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fn569%2Fthesummerqueen%2FUntitled2_zpswaosccbr.png)
