Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past

[MJ the Skeptical]

These threads are directly related, so yeah, pertinent information in both of them and all that. In case you haven't noticed, we all reference other threads in order to provide context. Otherwise, had I only paid attention to this thread, I'd just assume you were a douchecopter extraordinaire, and not maybe someone I should have even an iota of empathy and compassion for. Thank goodness for that other thread, right?
1) No one said he couldn't have his preference. No one's holding his head down onto her tits and demanding he continue to fuck her.
2) If it's that important, it SHOULD come up before 3 years have passed.
3) Okay, so we probably should have that thread about consent.
4) No, you don't get to come onto a forum and express your preferences or opinions without your motives being questioned.
And don't put words in my mouth. If a girl came on here and was pissed because her boyfriend of 3 years had a bunch of partners before her, I'd tell her to get the fuck over herself.

I guess if you're trying to make a cheap point, go for it. But go ahead and explain how it's related to that separate post elsewhere, bridge the gap sweetie.

1) People like you shamed him for not approving of having a girlfriend with a lot of experience, so what? it doesn't always come up, I guess you mysteriously left that out..
2) That's your fucking opinion darling, but it doesn't mean it should or is required. A lot of times this doesn't get discussed because of the stigma against sex. Reality check.
3) How is sexual consent even comparable to telling a story about your girlfriends sexual experiences? do you not comprehend a slippery slope fallacy? Maybe I should have to inform you that giving consent to sex is far more important than someone telling you someone's sexual past...
4) Noticed how you avoided the question? sweet victory.

Don't put words in your mouth? you compared telling a story to giving sexual consent, that's fucking asinine.

[DeistPaladin]

And don't put words in my mouth. If a girl came on here and was pissed because her boyfriend of 3 years had a bunch of partners before her, I'd tell her to get the fuck over herself.

And I think that last point speaks to another reason why he's being called out. There could well be a double standard at work here. I'm not saying I've done everything on the list offered in the OP but I check off quite a few of the boxes. I'd have been devastated if my now wife had broken it off with me just because I had a life before her. If our gender roles had been reversed, would I have been in greater danger of being dumped?

Now that I reflect on it, and I'm just musing as I type, there was one previous girlfriend that expressed some concern over my past but it was nothing that couldn't be overcome with some reassurance. And no, we didn't end up breaking up over that but another issue. Women worry about issues of fidelity too, so some "concern" is understandable either way. 

Maybe if you (I'm speaking to the OP here) just talked as honestly about what to expect from each other going forward. If you need a committed, monogamous partner, just say so. 

Our society also has a double-standard applied to men as well. While women are subjected to "slut shaming", men are made to feel like their garbage if they're not sexually active or if they don't have an impressive sexual resume. If she's had a history that makes you (the OP) feel envious, it might help to be consciously aware that this is a problem of irrational insecurity for you to work on. Being honest with yourself and her might help you through this. 

[thesummerqueen]

1) Actually, I didn't say anything about experience. I didn't come onto this thread until I had interacted with you.
2) Just because something is the way it is in reality doesn't mean it shouldn't be changed. "Reality checking" me is unnecessary. Racial prejudice is reality. Does that mean we shouldn't try to move past it? We should just let things go because there's a stigma about talking about race? Get fucking real.
3) Consent isn't limited to whether or not you agreed to have sex with someone in a particular situation. Suppose the troll and girlfriend are real - suppose the girlfriend assumed those would be private conversations and now the boyfriend is spreading those conversations onto a public forum. How would you feel if your SO did that?
4) I didn't avoid the question - please go back and read what you wrote for #4, then read my post again. If you need me to quote it, I will.

Don't call me a moron when you're apparently incapable of actually comprehending what was written in response to your post. I try pretty hard to be exquisitely clear.

[MJ the Skeptical]

And don't put words in my mouth. If a girl came on here and was pissed because her boyfriend of 3 years had a bunch of partners before her, I'd tell her to get the fuck over herself.

And I think that last point speaks to another reason why he's being called out. There could well be a double standard at work here. I'm not saying I've done everything on the list offered in the OP but I check off quite a few of the boxes. I'd have been devastated if my now wife had broken it off with me just because I had a life before her. If our gender roles had been reversed, would I have been in greater danger of being dumped?

Now that I reflect on it, and I'm just musing as I type, there was one previous girlfriend that expressed some concern over my past but it was nothing that couldn't be overcome with some reassurance. And no, we didn't end up breaking up over that but another issue. Women worry about issues of fidelity too, so some "concern" is understandable either way. 

Maybe if you (I'm speaking to the OP here) just talked as honestly about what to expect from each other going forward. If you need a committed, monogamous partner, just say so. 

Our society also has a double-standard applied to men as well. While women are subjected to "slut shaming", men are made to feel like their garbage if they're not sexually active or if they don't have an impressive sexual resume. If she's had a history that makes you (the OP) feel envious, it might help to be consciously aware that this is a problem of irrational insecurity for you to work on. Being honest with yourself and her might help you through this. 

Excellent post sir.

[The Valkyrie]

It's her past, and her business.  The fact that she trusted you enough to tell you those things, then you turn around and join a discussion forum just to slut-shame her tells me all I need to know.  Dump her.  She doesn't deserve your revulsion.

And it's his choice to whether he wants to be with a promiscuous girl or not and you shouldn't shame him for that either, don't be a hypocrite.

But I see there are many hypocrites with you who thumbed up your post.

So one of the first things you do is come on and name call everyone who agrees with Rexbecca?

The arrogance in that assessment is ridiculous.

Let me ask: When you meet a girl do you immediately ask her what level of sexual experience she has?

[thesummerqueen]

And don't put words in my mouth. If a girl came on here and was pissed because her boyfriend of 3 years had a bunch of partners before her, I'd tell her to get the fuck over herself.

And I think that last point speaks to another reason why he's being called out. There could well be a double standard at work here. I'm not saying I've done everything on the list offered in the OP but I check off quite a few of the boxes. I'd have been devastated if my now wife had broken it off with me just because I had a life before her. If our gender roles had been reversed, would I have been in greater danger of being dumped?

Now that I reflect on it, and I'm just musing as I type, there was one previous girlfriend that expressed some concern over my past but it was nothing that couldn't be overcome with some reassurance. And no, we didn't end up breaking up over that but another issue. Women worry about issues of fidelity too, so some "concern" is understandable either way. 

Maybe if you (I'm speaking to the OP here) just talked as honestly about what to expect from each other going forward. If you need a committed, monogamous partner, just say so. 

Our society also has a double-standard applied to men as well. While women are subjected to "slut shaming", men are made to feel like their garbage if they're not sexually active or if they don't have an impressive sexual resume. If she's had a history that makes you (the OP) feel envious, it might help to be consciously aware that this is a problem of irrational insecurity for you to work on. Being honest with yourself and her might help you through this. 

The whole point of castigating the OP was the attitude towards her. I've a fairly good feeling that if someone had come on here complaining that her boyfriend didn't have any prior experience, she'd get the same treatment - that is to say, "um, hello, maybe start talking to them about it if it's that important to you?" The people on this forum are, in general, good people who think you should at least make a passable attempt at treating your partners with respect and honesty, double standards be damned.

[MJ the Skeptical]

1) Actually, I didn't say anything about experience. I didn't come onto this thread until I had interacted with you.
2) Just because something is the way it is in reality doesn't mean it shouldn't be changed. "Reality checking" me is unnecessary. Racial prejudice is reality. Does that mean we shouldn't try to move past it? We should just let things go because there's a stigma about talking about race? Get fucking real.
3) Consent isn't limited to whether or not you agreed to have sex with someone in a particular situation. Suppose the troll and girlfriend are real - suppose the girlfriend assumed those would be private conversations and now the boyfriend is spreading those conversations onto a public forum. How would you feel if your SO did that?
4) I didn't avoid the question - please go back and read what you wrote for #4, then read my post again. If you need me to quote it, I will.
Don't call me a moron when you're apparently incapable of actually comprehending what was written in response to your post. I try pretty hard to be exquisitely clear.

1) Then why shame him at all, it's his fucking preference what he likes and what stories he tells, you are a moron for not accepting this. It's not comparable to rape (consent) just because you say so, no.
2) So, you're saying we should force people to talk about sex more? what if that girl didn't want to talk about her past until 3 years into it? who the fuck are you to say she should say it sooner? she played her cards the way she wanted to, you're too dense to realize you're criticizing the girl more than the guy for her not being transparent enough.
3) I wouldn't compare my girlfriend telling a personal story about me, to consent for sex from me, you obfuscating weirdo.
4) You did, your answer was shit, thus why called it such. It didn't answer my inquiry. Try again or implicitly concede.
Don't call me a moron for something you're hypocritically attributing to yourself, that you can't understand what I'm saying. I understand you fine.

[thesummerqueen]

1) Because of his terrible attitude about it? Because he's acting like it's something to be ashamed of? If it's his preference, then (if he were real) he could have just broken up with the girl and gone and lived his own miserable life making sure he had a girlfriend with exactly the number of prior dicks as he liked and not come and whined about it.
2)
a. Yes, we should talk about sex more. We don't talk about it enough.
b. Clearly, according to the story presented, she didn't feel the need, and that's fine. But her not wanting to talk about it wasn't part of the narrative - the narrative is that it bothers him A WHOLE LOT but they didn't discuss it until now. That implies that she doesn't think it's a big deal, yet he is acting like it is. If it were really a big deal, he should have discussed it beforehand. If he only realizes it's a big deal now, maybe he should examine why.
c. Erm, no. There are a wide range of topics to discuss during sex. The onus is on the person who has beef with a topic to bring it up. I bring up BDSM at the start of a conversation about having sex with someone I might partner with, because it's important to me. If having a minority of dicks was important to him enough to whine about it now, perhaps he should have brought up sexual history sooner than her proving herself to be capable of bonding with him.
4) Ummmm, no I told you that I wouldn't treat a woman differently for being shitty about her sex partner. End of story. Don't like that I didn't live up to your expectations? Fucking deal with it.

[SteelCurtain]

Oh boy. You just bend reality to fit in your nice little box, huh?
We're not shaming him for not wanting a 'promiscuous' girl. We're shaming him for trying to make this girl out to be a bad person on the internet to a bunch of strangers.
It's a troll post, anyhow.

Well if it's a troll post, my bad. But if he doesn't want to date her because of how many guys she's fucked, who the fuck are you to shame him? it's his preference, and why you people are hypocrites for not realizing that he has as much right to like what he likes as the girl who gets around that you are defending.

Again, Godslayer, you bend what is actually happening here to fit your own narrative.

The guy can want whatever he wants. If he wants a girl with a less colorful sexual history, by all means, good for him. What we were commenting about was the way he portrayed this person on the internet to a bunch of strangers, and how he waited 3 years to ask a question which has an answer that apparently is a deal breaker for him. Whether it comes up naturally or not, if the answer could easily be something you can't live with, you need to ask that question.

[Joods]

1) Then why shame him at all, it's his fucking preference what he likes and what stories he tells, you are a moron for not accepting this.

Because the way he went about it was childish and disrespectful. If he was THAT concerned about what ever past she might have, why wait 3 years into a relationship to get bitter about it? If it was so important to his so-called "values" then I would think the subject of sexual history would have come up within the first three months of dating. If he didn't like the answer at that point, he could easily walk away and end it there. No need to think he wasted three years of either one of their time. Point is - the way he handled it was out of line and apparently his values aren't all that great if he chose to be with a woman for three years before showing any signs of concern over her past.

Like I said before - her past is her past. She doesn't live there anymore. Personally we don't have to "accept" anything. Just as he doesn't have to accept what's being said about it. And no one is a moron for that.

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Let me also add that he has made ONE post. Started ONE thread and hasn't contributed since. 79 comments and nothing from him.

Obvious troll.