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Help with a personal matter
#1
Help with a personal matter
Hi, just found this forum today and a first time poster too. As such I apologise now if this is in the wrong area but I didn't know where else to start this thread.

Im in need of some advice that I feel only Athiests (or like minded people, agnostics, humanists etc) can help me with. It's a long story so bare with me!

In Jan 2009 my dad suffered a brain hemorrhage and my family went through the whole ordeal of dealing with it, stress, panic, grief etc. Thankfully he recovered within a few months and is physically well now (walk, talk etc) but as one would expect, the brain damage had a major impact on him and he suffers with short term memory loss to this day (he does remember things but only vaguely and sometimes not at all).

Anyway this isn't the main issue. The issue is that after a few months from his accident, he was admitted into a rehab centre where he developed some severe psychological problems, the cause of which is unknown (reading into it, it appears to be a trend suffered by many survivors of brain hemorrhage, and their frustration at their memory loss) but I also suspect family, relatives, other people and neglect on the rehab workers side is partially responsible too.

The thing with my family, and particularly my mother, is that they are all very religious, not to the point of praying daily, preaching etc, but they do believe with absolute conviction in their faith and (contradictory to what their religion teaches funnily enough!) can even look down on people without faith (such as myself).

Naturally during such stressful times they have been praying, doing ceremonies etc, and my mother in particular has just about exhausted every possible religious ceremony she can! Our family are primarily Hindu's, however my mother has also tried Christian prayers, preaching, going to churches, miracle seminars etc.

Naturally as I suspected, nothing has worked, however it has, as far as I am concerned, made matters worse. My dad, who before his accident, never denied belief in god but wasn't a devoted follower in any faith either, has become very spiritual. But more so than this, since trying christian prayers, I cant help feel he's been brainwashed.

This is partially my fault too. After his accident he became very spiritual but only out of fear (fearing god had punished him / is punishing him for some reason) and became very depressed that he was not being "forgiven for his sins". Funnily enough my family, who once berated him for not following faith properly and warned him he would be punished, are NOW saying that such talk is silly and that god has forgiven him, or is "testing him" or "works in mysterious ways"... you know, the typical BS you expect from religious followers. The Hindu values taught by my family have always followed a "you must pray to god or you will be punished!" principle, one that says "love god" but warns you to respect god "or else"! As such, combined with a reunion with some family friends (who have become devoted christians), my sister and I tried pushing my dad away from Hinduism as portrayed by my family, and into a more "caring" christian principle as portrayed by these family friends and their church (we did not believe it, but we felt it would be more forgiving, calming for him so we encouraged it).

The result as stated has been very bad. I think he has been brainwashed as he constantly talks about Jesus and christianity etc (he draws the cross in the air literally once a minute when awake and always mutters "Jesus" in just about every sentence at the end!).

So right now we are at a loss as to what to do. He went back into a new rehab (better than the first I might add) and is due to be discharged in May, but honestly there has been no improvement in his behaviour. The key I feel, is that he doesn't make the effort to participate in classes and sessions in his rehab or bother to follow advice because he feels god can heal him in an instant if he chooses to, and so is also stuck in depression, because since god can heal him instantly, and he hasn't been healed yet, god is punishing him by either purposely torturing him or else refusing to heal him. (Ironically, he's got it more put together than the rest of my family because he's right! If god did exist, where is god to help him? Sadly, he refuses to realise that this is proof of god's non-existence!)

Anyway to summarise, my dad has been brainwashed, particularly by the christians (yes I do blame them for making my dad into a religious nut case, but at same time I know they were only trying to help and aside from this, are very supportive and caring people) and my sister and I, who aren't religious, don't know what to do. We can't talk about this stuff and get clear answers/ideas/suggestions from our mum or family because they still believe in god despite all this crap. I have considered speaking to the rehab people about this, but I feel that they probably won't listen since some of the psychologists/doctors are probably religious too and will think of it as "silly" or an "attack on their faith" etc and just ignore it.

So does anyone have any similar experiences (like knowing someone who was brainwashed and getting them out of it)? Any ideas, suggestions? No offense to any religious believers but I really am not looking for "don't worry, god will help eventually" answers.

Thanks, and sorry if this post offends anybody!
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#2
RE: Help with a personal matter
So you pushed your father into Christianity, despite not believing it, and now you think he's been brainwashed?

Not trying to be offensive, as I do feel for your situation, but that seems....rather odd.

It seems to me your father is sick and the sudden religious extremism is a product of that sickness. I would suggest focusing on his health. If you get into religious discussions, be honest. But ultimately if someone is suffering from brain damage, I doubt that they can hold logical debates. If you are really concerned about his sudden religious fervor and the damage it may be causing, seek help from a psychiatrist.

Ultimately it's a tricky situation with no easy answer.
"The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason." Benjamin Franklin

::Blogs:: Boston Atheism Examiner - Boston Atheists Blog | :Tongueodcast:: Boston Atheists Report
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#3
RE: Help with a personal matter
I'm new here, too, but I felt moved to reply. My condolences to you and your family. It sounds like some hard times, indeed. Dealing with religion's effect on these things can be difficult in the best of times.

The reason that your father and the rest of the family have turned so firmly to religion is that they are afraid and desperate. Religion offers them both comfort and the hope of divine intervention. There is nothing you can do but let them pray, unfortunately. However! When it comes to medical attention, I would suggest standing firm. Play into their beliefs if you must. Tell them that perhaps the medical specialist/treatment is the manner in which God is helping. Whatever it takes to get proper medical treatment for your father.

But leave them to their religion. It gives them comfort and hope. Right now, an attempted de-conversion could do more harm than good.

That's my gut reaction, at any rate.
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#4
RE: Help with a personal matter
Indeed it is odd. I was going through a really hard time myself and was not entirely decided as to where I stood in terms of religion. Being raised in a religious family I've been very religious (Hindu) until only the last few years, but even now (yes even today) Im still "searching", hence why I don't label myself as an Athiest (my label as a Rationalist was only recent and may change too).

I guess on some level I had some hope that christianity would prove itself, which was further fuelled by my close friend who went through hard times himself and spoke with such conviction at his "revelation". In truth it was for my sake as much as it was for him, had he been "healed" I probably would have believed it and become christian myself, and on some level I wish it was true as life would be so much easier praying and "knowing" that god would sort out all my problems one way or the other.

Im not sure how "sick" he truly is, sometimes he seems incredibly mentally disturbed, and at other times (right now for instance) he seems perfectly normal! His health is fine and there is nothing physically wrong with him (the doctors have confirmed this), its all psychological. But yes I do agree that attempting to have a logical debate is pointless hence why i'm not trying to convince him or change his mindset anymore (when he says such things I casually divert the topic). There's also no "further damage" being made, and I do believe that after MUCH time he will get mentally better, I just feel that his religious fervor is delaying/prolonging his recovery, which is really hard on myself, sister and mum since we're the ones looking after him during weekends and come May, will be doing it full time.

But anyway thanks for your answer, and no offense taken, there may not be an answer but it does help to just talk about it sometimes.
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#5
RE: Help with a personal matter
Eilonnwy is right, there is no easy answer.

Your Dad's situation is very complex, it would be hard to give advice as I have had no experience with such.

All I can say is that you should look after him the best you can, question his faith, slowly at the start, and build up into more 'aggressive', in argument not in voice, and try your best not to make him stressed, at the first sign of such leave the topic dead.

I am not good at giving advice, you are probably best ignoring mine.
"God is dead" - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Faith is what you have in things that DON'T exist. - Homer J. Simpson
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#6
RE: Help with a personal matter
Thanks Paul the human. Perhaps I portrayed it wrong. My mum was attempting religious intervention rather than medical work a few months back (where she believed sending him back to rehab would do more harm than good) but then finally she submitted to my (and ironically enough the religious people's) advice to send him back to a different rehab. Its not a question of medical help vs religious belief anymore, its the fact that the medical help (psychological sessions and workshops as well as advice by the psychologists such as keeping a diary etc) are not having their full effect (or indeed any effect) cos my dad would rather pray than actually help himself on getting better. His mindset, basically, is wrong. He would rather pray, then go to sleep in the rehab than actually take part in activities.

And why should he? if god did exist he would return his short term memory there and then and the problem would be gone! Of course the christians are saying "sometimes the lord works in strange ways. He can heal there and then but sometimes he wants you to go through science". You would not believe it, but they all said that there was some evil spirit/presence/curse on him and it had to be removed. Supposedly the prayers have removed that "evil" spiritual ailment and now he has to go through the mental ailments too (seriously it felt like a freakin exorcist! they were screaming and shouting in his ear "GO! GO!" in Tamil). Oh and heres the icing on the cake, after like 10 minutes of screaming in his ear he pushed his hands over his ears and they took it as a sign that it was working, saying the "evil spirit" was trying to hold on by making him block his ears. (In my head) "Hmmm yeah, or maybe its cos your all screaming in his ear?"

Anyway sorry, seems like im ranting more than discussing/asking for help. I just wish people could see how stupid it all is!

Haha thanks Shinylight. If I should be ignoring your advice, then im certainly not doing so right now, its basically what im doing, avoiding the topic but every now and again I challenge him very subtly.

PS - I see your a fan of Freidrich Nietzsche too! Amazing guy with amazing philosophy!
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#7
RE: Help with a personal matter
Welcome, Vin.

Your situation reminds me of this comment from H. L. Mencken:

Quote:The Christian church, in its attitude toward science, shows the mind of a more or less enlightened man of the Thirteenth Century. It no longer believes that the earth is flat, but it is still convinced that prayer can cure after medicine fails.


Frankly, it doesn't matter what your family does. Just make sure you have doctors who don't waste their time praying.
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#8
RE: Help with a personal matter
Ah. I see. Thank you for clarifying, Vin047. I am certainly sympathetic to your circumstances and wish that I had helpful advice to offer other than what Minimalist said:

(April 11, 2010 at 1:12 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Frankly, it doesn't matter what your family does. Just make sure you have doctors who don't waste their time praying.

Prayer can help your religious family members feel better, but only treatment will help your father get well. I sincerely hope you can get him to accept that.
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#9
RE: Help with a personal matter
(April 11, 2010 at 1:05 pm)Vin047 Wrote: Haha thanks Shinylight. If I should be ignoring your advice, then im certainly not doing so right now, its basically what im doing, avoiding the topic but every now and again I challenge him very subtly.

PS - I see your a fan of Freidrich Nietzsche too! Amazing guy with amazing philosophy!

Oh..well good luck then.

Nietzsche was a pretty cool dude, his ideas were truly spectacular Smile
"God is dead" - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Faith is what you have in things that DON'T exist. - Homer J. Simpson
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#10
RE: Help with a personal matter
Vin, welcome to the forums. I must admit that I feel for you and your family deeply. This along with other factors was one of the main reasons I became an atheist. Fundamental christianity taught that if you were ill it was for one of several reasons: 1. god was testing you 2. You are not right with god due to some hidden sins etc. 3. you were under some sort of demonic attack due to your not being right with god 4. or you did not have enough faith. In the end it all came down to two reasons, either god was testing you or in some way it was your fault. Towards the end of my ministry I was being pushed by the elders of my church to commence a faith healing ministry, but I refused.

I personally think that your father is in a bad place and it is going to be a process to try to get him out of there. In fact, I don't think it can be done. I was a religious zealot and it took me years to finally be rid of all things religious in my life. Atheism is a growing process and it is something the individual must analyze on his own and decide for himself. No amount of arguing is going to sway his opinion.
There is nothing people will not maintain when they are slaves to superstition

http://chatpilot-godisamyth.blogspot.com/

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