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Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 12:13 pm
Hey guys,
I wasn't exactly sure where to post this particular thread, so I put it here. Most of you know what I do and where I am, so I won't really get into that. However, I am going through what seems to be a conglomeration of personal issues all at once. It took me a while to really work up the courage and effort to talk about it, which is mostly why I have been away and I left the last Mafia game.
My parents are having financial and medical issues, and to top it off, they are discussing divorce. What is hard for me is that I cannot imagine them divorcing...and I am all the way over here without being able to do anything. I know it is their decision to make, but I can't imagine how my younger sister is handling it (since she is in middle school and the only one there).
I would just like some advice if anyone can spare it.
Thanks.
“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”
-Isaac Asimov
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 12:17 pm
Oh man, so sorry to hear that. That's awful.
When will you be back home?
If the divorce does go through, you want to be there for your sister-and for your folks too. Is there any way you could help them out financially?
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 12:40 pm
Geez, Jericho, that's tough to deal with.
The best advice I could give, having not been through this myself, would be to be there as impartial support for your parents, and unilateral support for your sister. She is going to need your presence (not necessarily physical) more than anyone.
Your parents are adults, you can suggest that they maybe talk to someone, but outside of that, you have to let them make their own decisions. The key is not to own their issues. You can be a presence for them. You cannot take this on for yourself. You'll be doing no one a service with that, even if it feels like your instinct.
I'm sorry this is happening, Jack. I hope things work out. If you need a sounding board, you know I'm a PM away.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 12:41 pm
Tough one.
Only thing that pops in my head right away is perhaps you could set up a regular phone call with your sister. It might allay your concern for her and it might help her process it too.
Both my wife and myself come from families where the parents stayed together to the end. In her parents case there was real respect between them. My parents were both pretty damaged goods. Both were in psychiatric wards while my youngest brother was still in High School, my mother with her manic depression and my father after a psychotic break brought on after a disagreement with his pastor led to a sleepless week of bible reading and praying.
That has probably pushed my brother to be more cautious than he might have been otherwise, but he is easily my favorite brother with many wonderful qualities. If you like your sister don't forget that trials that don't break you really do make you stronger, or at least deepen your character.
When I was your age I thought my mother might be better off with a do-over, but her limitations were almost as great as his. Sad when you want your parents to be happy but they just aren't capable. I give them both credit for providing me a childhood that was far removed from the hell each endured in their own, even if it was far from ideal.
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 7:48 pm
Thank you all for the support and advice.
I have actually been helping them financially since I joined the Navy (and those same issues are the main reason why I joined in the first place). It sucks feeling helpless when all of this is going on back home, especially since everything appeared normal when both my brother and I were in the house.
It is going to be hard to deal with, but I will attempt it.
Thanks again guys.
“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”
-Isaac Asimov
“Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”
-Douglas Adams
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 8:19 pm
I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I just wanted to offer love and hugs 
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 8:35 pm
Your sister is probably already feeling the stress. People are no where near as good at hiding stuff as they think they are. Your options are limited by distance to simply providing moral support when possible.
It is unlikely that this is a passing fad. They have probably been bouncing the idea around for a while. Oddly, financial issues are likely to get worse in the aftermath of divorce not better. If you get the chance you might point that out.
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RE: Advice?
May 24, 2015 at 9:31 pm
(May 24, 2015 at 8:35 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Your sister is probably already feeling the stress. People are no where near as good at hiding stuff as they think they are. Your options are limited by distance to simply providing moral support when possible.
It is unlikely that this is a passing fad. They have probably been bouncing the idea around for a while. Oddly, financial issues are likely to get worse in the aftermath of divorce not better. If you get the chance you might point that out.
With posts like that, you are really adding credibility to my posts about you that you hate.
Anyway, you are right, that divorce is likely to make things financially worse. Although the old saying, two can live as cheaply as one, is not true, it is true that two can live much more cheaply together than they can apart.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
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RE: Advice?
May 25, 2015 at 7:01 am
(This post was last modified: May 25, 2015 at 7:02 am by robvalue.)
Very sorry to hear about this  I wish I had some great advice, but I can't think of anything that's not already been said.
One consolation I can offer is that if a strained relationship is producing an unhappy home life (I'm not saying this is necessarily the case with your parents) then a separation may be preferable from the point of view of children living in that house. For example, my parents stayed together despite pretty much hating each other for years, and argueing constantly. This had a massive detrimental and lasting effect on me, and I'd have much preferred they seperate than "sticking it out for the children."
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