Okay, since you want drunkposting advice, the first thing is to make sure you have more than enough alcohol on hand. One should have enough alcohol to kill an elephant, just to make sure one does not run out before one is really good and drunk. But if you need numbers of things, here goes. If you like wine, have at least a case (twelve 750ml bottles). If it is whisky, at least four completely full 750ml bottles, if beer, at least two full kegs or 100 bottles, etc. This is per person in your home, to make sure some other drunk does not drink it first, before you have had a chance to get enough. If someone might show up while you are doing this, have enough for this to be for each person who might show up. It is best if you have even more on hand, but this should be adequate for someone just starting out. If you are not just starting out and are already a raging alcoholic, you should already know how much more than this you need, and should have at least a 3 day supply on hand, per person. One cannot overemphasize the importance of this, because if you have other drunks drinking up your alcohol, you are not going to be able to properly drunkpost.
Next, stay away from your computer until after you have had enough that you feel a little dizzy and have trouble walking straight. Once you get to that point, you are ready to sit down at your computer. But, and this is important, make sure you have a full glass next to your computer, and preferably an extra bottle or two (depending on what you are drinking).
At this point, you are ready to start posting. Respond to whatever thread/post you feel like, making sure that you go with your initial idea for what to post. You don't want to overthink this and ruin the effect. Also, make sure you are taking another drink every 15 minutes at least.
Never go back and edit things. In fact, if you do that, it is proof that you are doing it wrong. You should not even be rereading what you posted, so how the hell are you going to be editing it? This is just so wrong, it would be best if the edit feature were disabled. But, a little self-discipline can overcome this problem. Just never, ever, under any circumstances, reread anything you have posted. After all, why do you think you have a memory? That is good enough for whatever you posted, and the past is dead and gone anyway. You should not be thinking about such things; you should be thinking about your next drink! Hell, if you can remember how to edit your last post, you need to drink up!
Another important thing to try to remember (but if you are too drunk to remember this, good, you are doing something right!), is to never use emoticons to make it seem like you are joking. (Of course, if you are not joking, then put them in! If other people cannot understand you and are troubled, that is their fault, as they should be drinking more!)
You should also reach deep down into yourself for your true feelings for inspiration for posting. However, under no circumstances should you ever say something like, "I love you guys!" If you do, people will think you are drunk, and that is not good, as they will no longer take you so seriously, and so they will be less confused and less offended by your posts. You do want your posts to be maximally effective, don't you? Seriously, you spent all that money on drink, and all that time drinking it, and then you want to ruin the effect? Never, ever tell anyone that you love them. Unless you absolutely hate and detest them.
Now, for you naysayers who imagine I am writing this without the benefit of drinking, as I type this sentence, I have just finished my first bottle of wine today. I will likely switch to cognac for later on, but that will depend on my mood after finishing this post.
Of course, I started this post before I finished the bottle, but in finishing it while posting this, I am illustrating one of the important points above, and that is, one should keep drinking. If you stop drinking, you should stop posting.
Remember, if you ever post while sober, it is your fault that you said whatever fool thing you said. Now, drink up, and enjoy the proper way to use the internet.
Either that, or you should be at a porn site. Internet forums are no place for people who are sober.
Next, stay away from your computer until after you have had enough that you feel a little dizzy and have trouble walking straight. Once you get to that point, you are ready to sit down at your computer. But, and this is important, make sure you have a full glass next to your computer, and preferably an extra bottle or two (depending on what you are drinking).
At this point, you are ready to start posting. Respond to whatever thread/post you feel like, making sure that you go with your initial idea for what to post. You don't want to overthink this and ruin the effect. Also, make sure you are taking another drink every 15 minutes at least.
Never go back and edit things. In fact, if you do that, it is proof that you are doing it wrong. You should not even be rereading what you posted, so how the hell are you going to be editing it? This is just so wrong, it would be best if the edit feature were disabled. But, a little self-discipline can overcome this problem. Just never, ever, under any circumstances, reread anything you have posted. After all, why do you think you have a memory? That is good enough for whatever you posted, and the past is dead and gone anyway. You should not be thinking about such things; you should be thinking about your next drink! Hell, if you can remember how to edit your last post, you need to drink up!
Another important thing to try to remember (but if you are too drunk to remember this, good, you are doing something right!), is to never use emoticons to make it seem like you are joking. (Of course, if you are not joking, then put them in! If other people cannot understand you and are troubled, that is their fault, as they should be drinking more!)
You should also reach deep down into yourself for your true feelings for inspiration for posting. However, under no circumstances should you ever say something like, "I love you guys!" If you do, people will think you are drunk, and that is not good, as they will no longer take you so seriously, and so they will be less confused and less offended by your posts. You do want your posts to be maximally effective, don't you? Seriously, you spent all that money on drink, and all that time drinking it, and then you want to ruin the effect? Never, ever tell anyone that you love them. Unless you absolutely hate and detest them.
Now, for you naysayers who imagine I am writing this without the benefit of drinking, as I type this sentence, I have just finished my first bottle of wine today. I will likely switch to cognac for later on, but that will depend on my mood after finishing this post.
Of course, I started this post before I finished the bottle, but in finishing it while posting this, I am illustrating one of the important points above, and that is, one should keep drinking. If you stop drinking, you should stop posting.
Remember, if you ever post while sober, it is your fault that you said whatever fool thing you said. Now, drink up, and enjoy the proper way to use the internet.
Either that, or you should be at a porn site. Internet forums are no place for people who are sober.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
