Any advice on coming out to my parents?

[BitchinHitchins]

(Sorry in advance if there is an existing thread about this, I'm new here.)

Hey guys, I just wanted to make a quick thread about the process of revealing atheism to our families. It would help me, and potentially some other members on the thread, to hear some advice about coming out.

I was indoctrinated into the christian faith and was actually a pretty devout follower for quite some time. But, during high school I learned more about evolution, the big bang, quantum mechanics, you name it. My 14 year old brother and I had many discussions when the parents left the house about god and the religion we were raised in. We eventually came to the conclusion that we do not believe there is a god nor was there ever a need for one to explain the mechanics of our universe. However, we are stuck. My mother is very protective, and once she even told me that "all I want is for you to grow up to be a good christian". I think that statement is utterly ridiculous, but that is neither here nor there. My father is quite the intellectual but his catholic upbringing renders him clinging to his childhood faith. As you can see, it going to be hard to break the news to them. However, I do want to tell them eventually. Any advice on how to go about it? I feel like it has the potential to ruin our family's relationship.

[Silver]

Approaching them and stating, "I'm an atheist" works.

[Minimalist]

These situations are always tough because there are too many variables. Will they throw you out of the house?  Will they send your brother to a seminary?  Are you self-supporting? 

Further, you don't have to make a grand announcement.  Just drift away.  Make it a point to always have something else to do when they want to start their jesus crap.  That should not be too hard to arrange.

[Whateverist]

^ What Min said. Seriously, unless you're self sufficient in no need of any support from your parents, it can wait.

They're your parents, they owe you support until your 18 at least .. and not just in case you agree to adopt the beliefs they would wish on you. Even at 18, if you still need their support, go along to get along. Don't volunteer anything. Just work on getting ready to survive without them, then you can level with them.

[luka]

I never felt the need to tell my parents about it straight up. When they asked, I told them. That seemed a lot less confrontational than bringing it to them myself. My mom was disappointed for about an hour then it never came up again.

[BitchinHitchins]

These situations are always tough because there are too many variables. Will they throw you out of the house?  Will they send your brother to a seminary?  Are you self-supporting? 

Further, you don't have to make a grand announcement.  Just drift away.  Make it a point to always have something else to do when they want to start their jesus crap.  That should not be too hard to arrange.

I am moving on to college in two weeks so I will be out of the house thankfully. I am not dependent on their money either because I have a full scholarship to college. So, I do not think I will have much of a problem if they have a really negative reaction.

However, my brother still has to live with them for 4 more years. He has said to me that when I'm gone to college if they try to make him go to church he will refuse. So, I just feel like it is all going to come out at once in the wrong way. 

Thanks for the advice by the way. I guess instead of announcing it ill just distance myself and if it comes out somehow then so be it.

[Minimalist]

He has said to me that when I'm gone to college if they try to make him go to church he will refuse

Well, the good news there is that he's 14 so they may toss it off to simple teenage rebellion.  My kids were fine until they reached 14 and then both were lucky to make it to 15.  But college is a place to learn and grow so they should not be at all surprised if you come back "different."

[Alex K]

I've made the experience myself, and gathered as much from other coming out stories, that many lifetime Christians who haven't encountered other points of view too often have no clear concept of being a good person that is separate from "being a good Christian". It could be that the most important message you should get across to your mom is that even if you can't help but reject the details of the faith she has brought you up with, that does not mean that you've discarded all the values she has probably tried to teach you in that context - family, honesty, you name it. Teaching her that those two can be separate things is not necessarily easy if she's been taught all her life that Christ is the only path to becoming a good person, but probably much easier than convincing her that Jesus is fake and there's no God.

Cheers

[Jackalope]

Frankly, my parents were far more concerned when I became a Christian than when I stopped believing.

[Alex K]

Damn Hippies