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(Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 19, 2019 at 9:25 pm
I'm trying to come out to a very close friend about losing belief in the supernatural the religion thing is already known, I know you're probably wondering why didn't you address that at the same time? well it's because our friendship formed when we were children over that one particular subject and it's thrived on it. Even though we have many other things in common.
It's been 14 years of me "Pretending" to be the same person who believes the same things and wearing a mask I'm also an aspie and let me tell you I'm very good at wearing masks, it's probably not done this particular problem any good either.
Today I called her on the phone to try and sorta slowly edge my way into, I was asked to do ____ but I don't believe in it and I don't know what to do.
And the closer I got to "I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm an adult and I've changed" The more I could tell she was getting worried and I think she's suspected it but try's and tells herself it's not true and that makes it harder. You see this is a comfort to her and I understand because it used to be the same for me so I have a lot of empathy exspecially given her situation that I can't disclose because it's not my place. I feel like as soon as I heard the concern and fear in her voice I went from removing the mask to putting it back on and for the sake of not creating distress. I know it's wrong to lie, and I know I shouldn't. But is there ever a time where lyings actually okay?
I didn't help any of this growing up.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 12:19 am
If we're talking magic spells, weegie boards, speaking in tongues, trying to contact the dead, going to strange places looking for ghosts, just have fun with it. You already know that none of it is real, so enjoy some time with your friend.
Insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 7:29 am
A true friend accepts you for who you are no matter what. If someone is willing to let you go because of who you are, then you honestly cannot claim the friendship was ever that strong or true. And in the instance of losing such people in your life, I say good riddance. You deserve people who accept you for who you are, after all.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 11:23 am
Yes, lying is sometimes okay. Living a lie is never ok.
I grasp not wanting to hurt your friend or damage your relationship, but you really shouldn't let it impinge on how you live your own life. You have a right to be who you are. If you go through life claiming false beliefs, I don't think you can ever be happy.
I'd suggest telling your friend - as gently as possible - how you feel.
Good luck.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 12:42 pm
I don't think lying is ok; its often a sign that something is wrong. I can see two concerns that your friend may have. The first is that you've been lying to her about what you believe for a while, hence the need for a "coming out." That's going to break the trust she had for you, so don't make it worse by continuing to lie. Secondly, she's going to be concerned for you and try to help; and I don't think that's a sign that she's not accepting. Losing your religion is not like changing political parties to a lot of people, its like wanting a divorce. When people hear that someone close to them is getting a divorce, they naturally want to help prevent it.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 12:52 pm
(October 19, 2019 at 9:25 pm)TristanJ Wrote: I didn't help any of this growing up.
When you do "come out", you might be shocked over how little other individuals care about religion, or, your lack of religious belief.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 1:07 pm
Courage of your convictions.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 5:27 pm
This has been going on for fourteen years? Yo need to have a word with yourself. Tell her everything.
If she accepts it; happy days.
If she doesn't; she can fuck off.
It's amazing 'science' always seems to 'find' whatever it is funded for, and never the oppsite. Drich.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 5:44 pm
(October 20, 2019 at 7:29 am)Fierce Wrote: A true friend accepts you for who you are no matter what. If someone is willing to let you go because of who you are, then you honestly cannot claim the friendship was ever that strong or true. And in the instance of losing such people in your life, I say good riddance. You deserve people who accept you for who you are, after all.
I've heard this before and it might be good advice in this instance, but.
I more often hear this from people who are not willing to change or compromise for anyone, and when their friends slip away through neglect, they say, 'good riddance, you didn't deserve me'.
This isn't anything to do with the thread topic, it's just that piece of advice, that always sounds good, but is so often used as a defence against bad behaviour.
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RE: (Sensitivity required) Coming out to someone
October 20, 2019 at 8:29 pm
(October 20, 2019 at 5:44 pm)Little lunch Wrote: I've heard this before and it might be good advice in this instance, but.
I more often hear this from people who are not willing to change or compromise for anyone, and when their friends slip away through neglect, they say, 'good riddance, you didn't deserve me'.
This isn't anything to do with the thread topic, it's just that piece of advice, that always sounds good, but is so often used as a defence against bad behaviour.
I agree. I'm not a fan of how disposable people and relationships are these days. Particularly since distance forces friendships to exist online, the block button is used too readily and for the mildest inconvenience.
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