Body shaming, and "My Big Fat Fabulous Life"

[Foxaèr]

If the show is about her actually losing weight, then fine.

However, I am not going to forego judgment of someone who remains obese and does nothing to lose the weight.

[CapnAwesome]

The show is not about "celebrating" obesity.  It shows her path to losing weight.  The show is about NOT accepting that a person is "less than" because they are overweight.

I remember standing in line, waiting at my black belt test, when an obese woman walked by.  I poked my friend and said "Eww . . . can you imagine ever letting yourself get that gross?"  I didn't know her name.  I didn't know anything about her.  I just reveled in the obvious fact that I was BETTER than she was. 

A few years later, life happened.  I won't whine about the details.  I gained quite a lot of weight. And yes, I did it to myself.  Walking is difficult now, but I go a little further every day.  People judge you.  I've had cars follow me on my walks with the people inside loudly making animal and retching noises.  One driver threw a soda at me as they passed.  People literally assume that you are stupid - - you are less than human.  You are disgusting.  

It's not about celebrating fat.  It's about celebrating a human being who has their own path and their own story.  It's about combating judgmental attitudes and stereotyping someone because of their looks.

I think on a certain level a lot of this is made up in the minds of fat people who feel bad about themselves. I don't know any of my friends who have ever said anything to the extent of fat people being stupid or less than people. I only hear this from overweight people who are talking about what other people think about them. Since you can't really know what other people are thinking, I infer a little that they feel this way about themselves.

Again, if they show is about losing weight it inherently is not about body acceptance.

[Aroura]

I feel like some people here didn't read my post, but that's ok.  As I said, I understand the defensiveness, and so I expected it.

I DO feel it is about health.  For instance, I do not discus my brothers weight unless he brings it up, but he brings it up fairly often, and then we talk about how he could be healthier.  I have this pic of my little girl being held by her Uncle Rob (my brother) and I swear to you every time I look at that pic, I cry a litle because I worry deeply that he will not live another year and get to see his only niece grow up.  And it hurts me to see my brother, who is only 16 months youngre than me, so we grew up very close, suffer the way he does.

I know smany people are dicks, and that shaming does happen (the story about being followed around and retching noises, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you), but this show is encouraging heavy people to stay heavy. That's all I see coming out of it, anyway.

Yes, the show does talk about her quest to lose weight, but she also actually HAS a medical condition that makes it hard to lose weight.  But that is NOT the focus of the show, the focus of the show is celebrating her life the way it is, too.  And for her, with a medical condition, that is fine, that is FABULOUS.  But like my husband.....he has no medical condition, he is hooked on sugar.  he knows this is his problem, and I do not shame him, because I love him, but I encourage him to make healthier choices, just like he encourages ME to eat healthier.

Ok, the truth:
I have a neighbor who is very friendly, and very morbidly obese.  She also has difficulty moving, but walks a mile or so every day.  She and her husband have been trying to have their 3rd baby for a while, but she had 2 miscarraiges.  Which is AWFUL.  The doctor told her she should not try to get pregnant until she lost 75lbs at least, for her own sake and the baby, and she said to me that THE DOCTOR FAT SHAMED HER.  She was furious.  She ignored all of his advice, found a new doc, one who gave her fertility treatment, and she carried the next baby to term.  Her daughter is now almost a year old, and last week....she had a mild heart attack.  She's 34.  She's effing lucky, as are her 3 very young kids, that she did not die. 

It was her heart attack (I've been friends with her for 4 years now) followed by me seeing this show that made me angry and create this thread.  I'd like my friend to LIVE, and stop making excuses for being obese.  Do I ever shame her? I sure as hell hope not.  But it's not a thing she sees as something she can or should try and change.  

I find the body acceptance movement to be self defeating and depressing.  I see people around me getting heavier and heavier and making excuses to just keep right on doing that.  That's just sad to me.  I truly fear my own husband will die before his daughter is grown, if he won't stop sneaking out of the house and buying 16 oz frozen yogurts topped with 1lb of bobas, or McDonalds burgers and a large shake. It's a fight.  How can I show him I love him, but ask him to change at the same time?  The body acceptance movement is making this much, much harder on the people with weight issues, not easier.  Do you see LESS fat people?  Do you see LESS anorexic women?

No.

When my doctor told me I was too underweight, I do not think she was shaming me, she was legitimately concerned about my health.
Every heavy person I know who watches that watches the show uses it as an excuse to stay how they are, not as an inspiration to get healthier.  They are fabulous as they are (and they are fabulous people!), but it's not inspiring people to be healthier....it's dong the opposite.  That is my problem with the show.

[Foxaèr]

My roommate has seen the show, and he says it is not about her losing weight at all.

[Aroura]

My roommate has seen the show, and he says it is not about her losing weight at all.

This.  It is not about her losing weight, it is about her accepting her medical condition making it hard for her to lose weight even when she tries (and she does try).  
These are not the same thing, they are the opposite thing.

[arewethereyet]

I lost a very dear friend a few years ago whose health was severely compromised by her weight. Most of her body was impacted in some way by the excess weight from her heart to her joints. We both had cancer at the same time...I certainly can't say that weight was the main factor in her dying and my survival but it definitely played a part. Her body was so stressed already that she just couldn't take any more.

My older daughter is overweight and I worry all the time about health issues like her BP. She's not a kid, she's near 40, I would just like to see her manage her weight better since it's starting to have an adverse affect on her.

I certainly don't think everyone should be model thin...but the other extreme isn't healthy either.

[Foxaèr]

Yeah, it's always a medical condition. Even if that was the case, it is not something of which to be proud, to be obese. Only in 'Murica.

[Athene]

I was skinny. I was fat after having 2 children and for several years after, when they were young. Eventually, I became skinny again. I can honestly say when I fat, I knew I was fat. I was extremely aware of that fact and did not need anyone to point that out to me. 

Since I lived both sides of the coin, I will say that it is annoying when people feel free to tell me that I'm too skinny or underweight. It's rude. I'm not and that is a medical fact, they can look at the goddamn chart. I think rudeness takes on another element altogether when one is overweight. People view it as personal failure, deep character flaw or lack of self-control and that's just not the case, in most situations. 

People do judge others for being skinny and it's unfair, but people are judged with outright cruelty for being overweight.

[Foxaèr]

but people are judged with outright cruelty for being overweight.

Obesity is unhealthy. Having gained childbirth weight is hardly a proper comparison.

[Catholic_Lady]

I feel like some people here didn't read my post, but that's ok.  As I said, I understand the defensiveness, and so I expected it.

I DO feel it is about health.  For instance, I do not discus my brothers weight unless he brings it up, but he brings it up fairly often, and then we talk about how he could be healthier.  I have this pic of my little girl being held by her Uncle Rob (my brother) and I swear to you every time I look at that pic, I cry a litle because I worry deeply that he will not live another year and get to see his only niece grow up.  And it hurts me to see my brother, who is only 16 months youngre than me, so we grew up very close, suffer the way he does.

I know smany people are dicks, and that shaming does happen (the story about being followed around and retching noises, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you), but this show is encouraging heavy people to stay heavy. That's all I see coming out of it, anyway.

Yes, the show does talk about her quest to lose weight, but she also actually HAS a medical condition that makes it hard to lose weight.  But that is NOT the focus of the show, the focus of the show is celebrating her life the way it is, too.  And for her, with a medical condition, that is fine, that is FABULOUS.  But like my husband.....he has no medical condition, he is hooked on sugar.  he knows this is his problem, and I do not shame him, because I love him, but I encourage him to make healthier choices, just like he encourages ME to eat healthier.

Ok, the truth:
I have a neighbor who is very friendly, and very morbidly obese.  She also has difficulty moving, but walks a mile or so every day.  She and her husband have been trying to have their 3rd baby for a while, but she had 2 miscarraiges.  Which is AWFUL.  The doctor told her she should not try to get pregnant until she lost 75lbs at least, for her own sake and the baby, and she said to me that THE DOCTOR FAT SHAMED HER.  She was furious.  She ignored all of his advice, found a new doc, one who gave her fertility treatment, and she carried the next baby to term.  Her daughter is now almost a year old, and last week....she had a mild heart attack.  She's 34.  She's effing lucky, as are her 3 very young kids, that she did not die. 

It was her heart attack (I've been friends with her for 4 years now) followed by me seeing this show that made me angry and create this thread.  I'd like my friend to LIVE, and stop making excuses for being obese.  Do I ever shame her? I sure as hell hope not.  But it's not a thing she sees as something she can or should try and change.  

I find the body acceptance movement to be self defeating and depressing.  I see people around me getting heavier and heavier and making excuses to just keep right on doing that.  That's just sad to me.  I truly fear my own husband will die before his daughter is grown, if he won't stop sneaking out of the house and buying 16 oz frozen yogurts topped with 1lb of bobas, or McDonalds burgers and a large shake. It's a fight.  How can I show him I love him, but ask him to change at the same time?  The body acceptance movement is making this much, much harder on the people with weight issues, not easier.  Do you see LESS fat people?  Do you see LESS anorexic women?

No.

When my doctor told me I was too underweight, I do not think she was shaming me, she was legitimately concerned about my health.
Every heavy person I know who watches that watches the show uses it as an excuse to stay how they are, not as an inspiration to get healthier.  They are fabulous as they are (and they are fabulous people!), but it's not inspiring people to be healthier....it's dong the opposite.  That is my problem with the show.

Amen, woman. Amen.