Body shaming, and "My Big Fat Fabulous Life"

[Aroura]

Hello AF,

So, I've seen a commercial for this new TV show on TLC (the same people who brought us such wonderful programs such as 19 Kids and Counting, and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo) called "My Big Fat Fabulous Life".  The entire premise of the show upsets me.

First let me say I would never judge a person by their weight.  My brother is, sadly, morbidly obese.  Most people I know are at least heavy set.  ALL of my female friends are heavy or obese, and my hubby has a 40lb spare tire.  I love these people, not despite or because of their bodies, but because I think they are nice, decent, good people.  I would never want to "fat shame" any of them (any more than I like being skinny shamed...and it does happen).  As someone who sometimes has a hard time keeping any weight ON because of my nervous disorder, I understand that our weight is not really 100% under our own control, and can be a constant battle.

That being said, I'm disgusted by the notion of CELEBRATING being obese.  TLC will yet again be showing something in a positive light that really should not be shown that way. I disagree with shows celebrating anorexic models as the epitome of beauty, and I disagree with this show on the same basis.  Acceptance is not the same as encouragement.

As I said, I battle being too skinny.  Not because of anorexia or any other eating disorder, thank heavens, but I do understand what it is like to battle with your weight.  Some people laugh that off, or even get snarky or angry with me.  
"Oh, poor YOU, too skinny and can't keep weight on, whaaa." <-----this hurts!
But that seems a much more accepted behavior than the exact same kind of dismissive or shaming attitude towards bigger people.

So I suppose my question is, do you think we can show acceptance and love for people of all shapes and sizes while avoiding the pitfalls of encouraging them to become an unhealthy weight (on either end) or encouraging them to just give up and accept that weight? Do you think the current movement for acceptance of obesity is going to far, and moving into the realm of encouragement?

I do understand how easy it is to become defensive over something like one's weight, but shouldn't we show love an acceptance while still encouraging people to try and be healthier?  My family is always encouraging me to finish my food, or buying me things like protein shakes for my birthday, lol. 
Sometimes I feel like I'm 3. My husband: "Finish your milk and yogurt, dear, you need the energy."  But I am not upset at them for this, I know they love me and just want to keep me healthy, and help me live a longer, more fulfilling life.

Now when someone laughs off my issues with my weight, that sucks.  But the current obesity movement feels just like that, like we are all just supposed to laugh off their weigh issues.  Is this really ok?  I am afraid to even speak of eating and weight issues to anyone I know, except my close family, because most big people I know (mostly women, but not all women) are getting this weird attitude that even discussing their weight is "shaming" them.

Am I wrong?

[Catholic_Lady]

Hello AF,

So, I've seen a commercial for this new TV show on TLC (the same people who brought us such wonderful programs such as 19 Kids and Counting, and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo) called "My Big Fat Fabulous Life".  The entire premise of the show upsets me.

First let me say I would never judge a person by their weight.  My brother is, sadly, morbidly obese.  Most people I know are at least heavy set.  ALL of my female friends are heavy or obese, and my hubby has a 40lb spare tire.  I love these people, not despite or because of their bodies, but because I think they are nice, decent, good people.  I would never want to "fat shame" any of them (any more than I like being skinny shamed...and it does happen).  As someone who sometimes has a hrad time keeping any weight ON because of my nervous disorder, I understand that our weight is not really 100% under our own control.

That being said, I'm disgusted by the notion of CELEBRATING being obese.  TLC will yet again be showing something in a positive light that really should not be shown that way. I disagree with shows celebrating anorexic models as the epitome of beauty, and I disagree with this show on the same basis.  Acceptance is not the same as encouragement.

As I said, I battle being to skinny.  Not because of anorexia or any other eating disorder, thank heavens, but I do understand what it is like to battle with your weight.  Some people laugh that off, or even get snarky or angry with me.  
"Oh, poor YOU, too skinny and can't keep weight on, whaaa." <-----this hurts!
But that seems a much more accepted behavior than the exact same kind of dismissive or shaming attitude towards bigger people.

So I suppose my question is, do you think we can show acceptance and love for people of all shapes and sizes while avoiding the pitfalls of encouraging them to become an unhealthy weight (on either end) or encouraging them to just give up and accept that weight? Do you think the current movement for acceptance of obesity is going to far, and moving into the realm of encouragement?

I do understand how easy it is to become defensive over something like one's weight, but shouldn't we show love an acceptance while still encouraging people to try and be healthier?  My family is always encouraging me to finish my food, or buying me things like protein shakes for my birthday, lol. 
Sometimes I feel like I'm 3. My husband: "Finish your milk and yogurt, dear, you need the energy."  But I am not upset at them for this, I know they love me an just want to keep me healthy, and help me live a longer, more fulfilling life.
Now when someone laughs off my issues with my weight, that sucks.  But the current obesity movement feels just like that, like we are all just supposed to laugh off their weigh issues.  Is this really ok?  I am afraid to even speak of eating and weight issues to anyone I know, except my close family, because most big people I know (mostly women, but not all women) are getting this weird attitude that even discussing their weight is "shaming" them.

Am I wrong?

You are NOT wrong. I couldn't agree more. Thank you for bringing to light something that so many people want to say but don't have the courage to.

[Longhorn]

Obesity is a major health risk. It's a fact. It needs to be recognized as the threat it is, for the sake of the person's wellbeing. However I think fat shaming is really, really low.

I'm all for accepting oneself and positive body image, I think it's fucking awesome that awareness is being raised on it. BUT with the caveat that it is a healthy body image of a healthy body. The last thing I want is to make obese people feel like shit for their weight, but let's not kid ourselves, it's a major health risk. It's not that it's just another shape of your body (referencing unhealthy obesity here specifically, not slightly overweight people), it's endangering your health and possibly your life. So yes, positive body image....But do recognize the health issue.

[brewer]

Ya mean we have our own "Twiggy" on AF. Groovy, far out man. I'm so 60's brain now. HAH.

Obesity: accepting, supportive, encouraging change (not nagging, not fat shaming) yes. Glamorizing, (this and other shows) no.

Same with under weight for what ever reasons.

Now, go eat something damn it (ducks while exiting thread).

[Pyrrho]

...

So I suppose my question is, do you think we can show acceptance and love for people of all shapes and sizes while avoiding the pitfalls of encouraging them to become an unhealthy weight (on either end) or encouraging them to just give up and accept that weight? ...

For a lot of people, no, they can't do that, as it is too subtle.  Still, it is a worthy goal, and some people can manage it.

[Regina]

I think accepting obesity is wrong personally.

Now, I don't at all advocate going up to fat people in the street and making them feel shit about themselves, okuurr...

I just think it's a step too far the way that some people;

a) completely deny that being 400lbs has anything to do with the lifestyle choices they are making.

b) completely deny that being 400lbs has adverse health affects, and claiming that doctors who say so are just "fat shaming".

This isn't funny to me, it's dangerous. You're not going to say "oh I eat salad and go for walks every day but I'm still fat" (something I've actually seen written before). No bitch, you don't get to that kind of weight overnight or by accident, you get there by consistently eating too much and moving too little. It's just the truth. Then it's "oh well I have a high metabolism/thyroid problem". Even if you do, a thyroid problem and/or a slow metabolism would only make you, at maximum, like 50lbs heavier than average. It doesn't make you morbidly obese.

I just feel like if you don't like it, you can change it, there's countless diets to try and gyms around every corner, get to work. And if you're fat and comfortable in yourself, great more power to you, none of this applies to you I guess.

[TheRealJoeFish]

I saw a commercial for this while I was working out, and I only heard bits and pieces. I heard the one girl say something along the lines of "I only have one life to live and I want to make it count," and I figured it was a show about really obese people losing weight, seizing the day as it were.

[CapnAwesome]

Obesity is not just a health risk, it drastically decreases you quality of life. I see people all the time who's mobility is impaired because of their weight. If you are in your 20s and a little chunky, obesity like that is coming unless you change your lifestyle.

What I can't stand about the current body acceptance movement is the constant excuse making. You are not fat because of your metabolism, you are fat because you consume more calories than you burn. That's it. You either need to burn more calories or consume less. That's 99% of overweight people, but 90% of those people will play it off like they have some sort of condition which is ridiculous, unscientific and inaccurate. The whole movement is built on lies and nothing like that can be respectable. That show itself is doomed because what if someone dies of heart attack who is on it? Do they show them when they are 60 and have lost a foot to diabetes?

I know what certainly isn't on that show, them doing anything athletic.

[Divinity]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the story about a woman who is severely overweight who is working to lose weight?

I mean I don't watch TLC. Fuck TLC. 19 kids and counting and honey boo boo were fucking stupid. But it sounds to me like the show is about a mobidly obese woman who is working to lose weight (while not hating herself)

My youngest daughter is underweight (she doesn't weigh 100 lbs soaking wet). And one of her best friends is underweight, but not by quite as much as she is. She does some modeling, and a few people told her she needed to lose weight if she wanted more jobs. For fucks sake that's ridiculous. People have fucking ridiculous standards for what a woman should look like. I know that I'm not super model thin, but I'm in pretty fucking good shape. My BMI is in the fucking normal range, and some people would consider me 'fat' (I fucking dare any of them to fucking tell me that to my fucking face).

Do some people need to lose weight? Yeah. But a lot of people don't, and shaming them isn't the fucking way to get them to lose weight. And telling people of normal weight they need to lose weight needs to fucking stop. And telling people who are underweight they need to lose MORE weight really needs to fucking stop.

[CapnAwesome]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the story about a woman who is severely overweight who is working to lose weight?  

I mean I don't watch TLC.  Fuck TLC.  19 kids and counting and honey boo boo were fucking stupid.  But it sounds to me like the show is about a mobidly obese woman who is working to lose weight (while not hating herself)

My youngest daughter is underweight (she doesn't weigh 100 lbs soaking wet).  And one of her best friends is underweight, but not by quite as much as she is.  She does some modeling, and a few people told her she needed to lose weight if she wanted more jobs.  For fucks sake that's ridiculous.  People have fucking ridiculous standards for what a woman should look like.  I know that I'm not super model thin, but I'm in pretty fucking good shape.  My BMI is in the fucking normal range, and some people would consider me 'fat' (I fucking dare any of them to fucking tell me that to my fucking face).  

Do some people need to lose weight?  Yeah.  But a lot of people don't, and shaming them isn't the fucking way to get them to lose weight.  And telling people of normal weight they need to lose weight needs to fucking stop.  And telling people who are underweight they need to lose MORE weight really needs to fucking stop.

The modeling industry is certainly that way, but I don't think society tells people to be underweight. Certainly most men don't prefer women underweight.