Facing a dilemma

[Aroura]

Hey King,

Firstly, I am truly, deeply sorry that all of this happened to you and your family.

I'm not comfortable giving strong advice about something so personal. However, the one thing that strikes me is that this man did commit murder, and he's still on the lose. If it were me, I would want to testify just in the hopes of protecting other possible victims. I know you said it has been 26 years, but someone capable of that kind of premeditated murder might do it again. Even decades later.

[drfuzzy]

Hey Kingpin, -- I stepped away for a few minutes and thought about my previous post.  I think I was wrong.

Here's my new response: you HAVE been through therapy, and you have gained your closure.  You're stronger now.  
Yes, re-living those memories would be hard.  The memories are real and the fear is real.  But it will probably not be traumatic. You've "been there, done that, it was a long time ago".  You can handle it.  

I have a poster in my office that says "the only way out is through".  You've already gone through.  All that is left is facts.

[Kingpin]

Sometimes you just have to go back and tend to unfinished business.  I would suggest that you accept that you're afraid and don't want to do it...but do it, nonetheless. 

You're not weak anymore. Things are much clearer to you, you're stronger, smarter and more than capable. 
Now you're ready. Get it done.

This is true thena. I am afraid. You need to understand the power this man had over me. We were physically and sexually abused and I suffered multiple bone breaks and bruises from this man. He was the reason I couldn't go on the stand 26 years ago, the reason I wet my bed until I was 14, and the reason I had night terrors. He had an amazing psychological grip on me. I did have a turning point at 19 where I got my personal closure but even still to this day thinking of him terrifies me. But you make good points. Admit the fear, face it and have no regrets.

[Jenny A]

There are times when doing the right thing really, really sucks.  I think that is is one of them.  Your personal closure has nothing to do with it.  There is a cold blooded deliberate murderer on the streets.  If you are the one person who can stop that or one of the only ones who can, you really must even if it it will hurt.  And I'm so, very sorry.

[Exian]

Holy shit, King. I had you pegged all wrong. Nice work on ending up such a great person.

There's no way I could have advice for you, I can only offer some thoughts. In a perfect world, moving on would mean being able to face him in court without fear. After all, you've moved on, but that's never what happens. Moving on usually takes on a literal meaning where you become stumped with how to handle an issue, so you just move on to the next thing, leaving the matter un-conquered. Maybe this would end up helping you? Maybe this would end up helping a lot of people?

Honestly, I wouldn't have the heart to go through with it. I mean, the actual organ. Courts, lawyers, emotions; I'd probably drop dead before it was over, or it would take a huge toll. I don't know if these are reasons that weigh on you, but I get not wanting to go through with it.

[Minimalist]

Testimony from 26 years ago will be enough of a problem for the prosecutors to overcome. 

It sounds as if you have no particular knowledge about the actual crime, though.  You can only testify to what you have seen and since you apparently saw very little there is not much you can testify about.  A fair question to put to the investigators would be "what is it exactly that you think I can help you with?"  They may not even know themselves at this point.  They are simply looking for anyone who might provide background.

[KUSA]

The right thing to do is to tell the truth in a court of law.

[The Valkyrie]

Holy shit, that's rough.

First, my sympathy that you've had to go through all this.

On a personal note, I would want a potential killer brought to justice.  But I understand that you've moved on and that going through it all again would open up feelings long buried.

My question would have to be this: Without your testimony, would there be enough enough evidence to send this guy away, or would a conviction hinge on your participation?

[Athene]

Sometimes you just have to go back and tend to unfinished business.  I would suggest that you accept that you're afraid and don't want to do it...but do it, nonetheless. 

You're not weak anymore. Things are much clearer to you, you're stronger, smarter and more than capable. 
Now you're ready. Get it done.

This is true thena. I am afraid. You need to understand the power this man had over me. We were physically and sexually abused and I suffered multiple bone breaks and bruises from this man. He was the reason I couldn't go on the stand 26 years ago, the reason I wet my bed until I was 14, and the reason I had night terrors. He had an amazing psychological grip on me. I did have a turning point at 19 where I got my personal closure but even still to this day thinking of him terrifies me. But you make good points. Admit the fear, face it and have no regrets.

Yes. This man needs to answer for what he's done. It's doubtful he ever thought a day of reckoning would come. Looks like he thought wrong.

You're going to surprised at how strong you are, I know it.

[Kingpin]

Holy shit, that's rough.

First, my sympathy that you've had to go through all this.

On a personal note, I would want a potential killer brought to justice.  But I understand that you've moved on and that going through it all again would open up feelings long buried.

My question would have to be this: Without your testimony, would there be enough enough evidence to send this guy away, or would a conviction hinge on your participation?

They have my testimony as a then 9 year old on file and they are looking for me to now present it in a court of law. My testimony about what this man did to me and to my mother would probably be the only thing to put him away but even then I don't know that it's enough by today's standards. 26 years ago probably.

I had my personal closure when I confronted this man when I was 19. I looked him in the eye and told him I forgave him and I walked away. I remember being so scared doing it but oddly confident. I threw up afterwards. The look on his face was horror. He knew who I was and probably thought I came to kill him. That was my personal closure and it has brought me a lot of healing. But I need to think of my other family members who are still hurting from this who haven't had that closure (my grandparents have been writing letters every year to the state to reopen the case). I think I owe it to them to try. Even if justice is not served, knowing that I did all I could would be enough for at least some closure. The investigator is supposed to call me this week some time to get a sworn statement.