Butt Wiping Techniques

[MTL]

I just posted this little story in the Shoutbox before I realized it belongs in this thread:


My little nephew is getting just old enough to become self-conscious when doing his business.

My sister found it amusing when he ordered her out of the room yesterday morning,
because he was obviously busy trying to do something in his diaper,

but she complied, taking it as an encouraging  sign of progress, that he wanted privacy

...until she came back and discovered he had reached into his diaper
to remove the offending objects...

...and had smeared the matter EVERYWHERE.

In fact, I now recall another story, from several years before my nephew was even conceived:

My sister told me that one night at their place,
her fiance excused himself to go to the loo,

and some time after he returned, they both noticed a strong shit-like smell in the room,
and looked at each other, perturbed, unable to imagine where it was coming from.

A few minutes of searching turned up no results,

until they realized to their horror
that my sister's fiance had SOMEHOW  managed to smear his own shit
all down the back of his jean-leg,
when he had used the washroom.

Of course, he was mortified.

But now I am starting to wonder if it's a genetic trait.

(I shouldn't be making fun of this,
because I do love my little nephew,

but my nephew is under 3 years of age,

whereas my sister's fiance is over 40,
and is a detestable, odious, pretentious, manipulative little prick whom I'd love to bitchslap).

[Catholic_Lady]

LOL!!!!!

[Catholic_Lady]

You guys are killin me. Soooooo funny!!

[MTL]

both stories are absolutely 100% true.

[KUSA]

smear his own shit
all down the back of his jean-leg,
when he had used the washroom.

I can't figure out how. I need you to speculate on this one.

[ignoramus]

Why are we so special that we feel we need to clean at all.
Tell me one animal in the animal kingdom that feels compelled or embarrassed to cleanup up...

We, as humans are way too vogue!
(As if you heathens don't pick and eat your boogers in private anyway) 
I don't, but many do...

Why in the name of all holiness would a grown adult eat their snots?

I think it's a throwback to infancy...
People as a general rule are self conscious of picking their nose in public, but in private, a good portion of them will put it back in their mouth like toddlers do.

[MTL]

Why are we so special that we feel we need to clean at all.
Tell me one animal in the animal kingdom that feels compelled or embarrassed to cleanup up...

We, as humans are way too vogue!
(As if you heathens don't pick and eat your boogers in private anyway) 
I don't, but many do...

Why in the name of all holiness would a grown adult eat their snots?

Dunno.

But it's still better than what the elephant was eating.

[vorlon13]

snot seems rather quaint compared to some of the things I've had in my mouth . . . .

[MTL]

smear his own shit
all down the back of his jean-leg,
when he had used the washroom.

I can't figure out how. I need you to speculate on this one.

oh god knows what that idiot did.

I figure that the less I understand him, the better.

[Catholic_Lady]

Why in the name of all holiness would a grown adult eat their snots?

I think it's a throwback to infancy...
People as a general rule are self conscious of picking their nose in public, but in private, a good portion of them will put it back in their mouth like toddlers do.

I pick my nose, but I have never eaten it. I remember when I was in like 2nd grade I'd spot kids doing it in class sometimes. Always grossed me out. Ugh.