Posts: 25250
Threads: 28
Joined: February 2, 2010
Reputation:
105
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 18, 2016 at 10:15 pm
Hopefully she can see the benefit of abandoning alcohol, no matter what your beliefs are. Your beliefs don't make her drink; she makes herself drink.
I can understand wanting to be considerate of her feelings, but you're assuming responsibility which isn't yours in assuming that you've caused, or extended, her drinking.
Posts: 8661
Threads: 118
Joined: May 7, 2011
Reputation:
56
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 12:19 am
(February 18, 2016 at 10:15 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Hopefully she can see the benefit of abandoning alcohol, no matter what your beliefs are. Your beliefs don't make her drink; she makes herself drink.
I can understand wanting to be considerate of her feelings, but you're assuming responsibility which isn't yours in assuming that you've caused, or extended, her drinking.
Oh no, I don't think I caused it. She's been drinking heavily LONG before she knew I was an atheist.
I'm just assuming some responsibility for helping her get better. I can't make her, but I can try and motivate her. I'm her daughter and she's been a good mother, and by default I have some responsibility to try, just as she would feel to help me if I needed it. To just say "she chose, her own fault" is too callous for me. I am not so dismissive of even criminals, let alone my own mother.
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation:
132
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 1:11 am
(This post was last modified: February 19, 2016 at 1:11 am by Edwardo Piet.)
That's because you're a very compassionate person, Aroura.
Posts: 15352
Threads: 119
Joined: January 13, 2014
Reputation:
116
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 1:12 am
(February 19, 2016 at 12:19 am)Aroura Wrote: (February 18, 2016 at 10:15 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Hopefully she can see the benefit of abandoning alcohol, no matter what your beliefs are. Your beliefs don't make her drink; she makes herself drink.
I can understand wanting to be considerate of her feelings, but you're assuming responsibility which isn't yours in assuming that you've caused, or extended, her drinking.
Oh no, I don't think I caused it. She's been drinking heavily LONG before she knew I was an atheist.
I'm just assuming some responsibility for helping her get better. I can't make her, but I can try and motivate her. I'm her daughter and she's been a good mother, and by default I have some responsibility to try, just as she would feel to help me if I needed it. To just say "she chose, her own fault" is too callous for me. I am not so dismissive of even criminals, let alone my own mother.
Just be careful not to get sucked into the disease. After years in AlAnon dealing with my mother's disease, I know how taking some responsibility for helping them get better can spiral out of control. When dealing with addicts, you have to create and fiercely maintain boundaries. It ends up better for both of you. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is not support.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
Posts: 31815
Threads: 205
Joined: July 19, 2011
Reputation:
141
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 4:03 am
(February 19, 2016 at 1:12 am)SteelCurtain Wrote: Just be careful not to get sucked into the disease. After years in AlAnon dealing with my mother's disease, I know how taking some responsibility for helping them get better can spiral out of control. When dealing with addicts, you have to create and fiercely maintain boundaries. It ends up better for both of you. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is not support.
So much this.
Posts: 8661
Threads: 118
Joined: May 7, 2011
Reputation:
56
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 6:39 am
Well thanks guys, I feel so much better now!
Posts: 25250
Threads: 28
Joined: February 2, 2010
Reputation:
105
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 7:42 am
(This post was last modified: February 19, 2016 at 7:44 am by Thumpalumpacus.)
(February 19, 2016 at 12:19 am)Aroura Wrote: (February 18, 2016 at 10:15 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Hopefully she can see the benefit of abandoning alcohol, no matter what your beliefs are. Your beliefs don't make her drink; she makes herself drink.
I can understand wanting to be considerate of her feelings, but you're assuming responsibility which isn't yours in assuming that you've caused, or extended, her drinking.
Oh no, I don't think I caused it. She's been drinking heavily LONG before she knew I was an atheist.
I'm just assuming some responsibility for helping her get better. I can't make her, but I can try and motivate her. I'm her daughter and she's been a good mother, and by default I have some responsibility to try, just as she would feel to help me if I needed it. To just say "she chose, her own fault" is too callous for me. I am not so dismissive of even criminals, let alone my own mother.
I'm not suggesting dismissing her, just pointing out that we each bear the responsibility for our own choices. There's nothing wrong with wanting to help anyone with a problem they may have -- but understand the limits on one's power ... especially where addicts are concerned.
Posts: 8661
Threads: 118
Joined: May 7, 2011
Reputation:
56
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 1:08 pm
Sarcasm fail. I don't feel better, quite the opposite. I regret posting anything so personal about my mom. I was looking for a shoulder to cry on, not advice. If I wanted to hear this shit, I could have just talked to my brother, father or husband. I'll just keep it to myself next time.
Posts: 12743
Threads: 92
Joined: January 3, 2016
Reputation:
84
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 1:10 pm
Pretty shitty.
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation:
132
RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
February 19, 2016 at 1:34 pm
|
