Another raaaaaaaaaape!!!

[Napoléon]

"Blame" is absolutely the wrong word. No one is to blame for being a victim, all the victim blaming needs to stop, period.

The victim can increase or decrease the risk to themselves by being careful, but even if the victim is completely reckless, one is still not to blame for being a victim of rape. The only person to blame in such a situation is the rapist.

Eh, I disagree with this.

The woman initiated the sexual encounter by jumping into the shower with the guy. You can't do that then halfway through exclaim rape, and pin the blame solely on a guy that is inebriated in the first place.

I'm sorry, but she was stupid as shit.

But hey, I'm sure you'll come back and say "you're defending the rapist" or some other bollocks that nobody said.

Nope.

Just pointing out the obvious.

Guarantee if it was a guy who jumped in the shower with a naked chick, then said "stop" just before putting the tip in, and later said he got "raped" nobody would bat an eye.

[Tiberius]

If a rape victim consented to sex and then withdrew consent during the act, it's still rape if the person having sex with the victim continues to have sex with them.

It doesn't matter if someone is "asking for it". A person can request sex and then refuse it, even during the act. Consenting to sex doesn't mean you have to go through with the entire act.

[vorlon13]

Apparently (some?) of these devices are sold in SA.

I could imagine a "Candid Camera" clip of the looks upon men's faces when they spy a 2/3 empty display rack for these at a scuzzy truck stop somewhere.

[dyresand]

I am not going to be biased when i say this. I will state the fact as the facts are presented to me.
She got into the shower with a drunken guy alright then she kisses said drunken guy. At any point
even before getting in the shower with the drunken guy she could have said no you may not come in with me.
Even after the fact they kissed something happened again stating the fact at any point the OP said this has happened
to her over several other times do not get angry at me. At any point i'll say it again should could have not kissed him
should also could have not went home with the guy or have him come home with her. I will say this i am in no way
a misogynist just no. All i am really trying to say without stepping on toes here she should have simply said no and she
shouldn't have kissed the guy. Simply put being intimate with someone is fine what is not fine is being intimate with a
drunk person you don't know. And even then if you know the person its best that if you get intimate with someone
being drunk i say no don't do it. I am not going to say who is to blame or isn't to blame i don't even know the full
story of what happen i cannot blame anyone.

[Tiberius]

Guarantee if it was a guy who jumped in the shower with a naked chick, then said "stop" just before putting the tip in, and later said he got "raped" nobody would bat an eye.

The fact that nobody would bat an eye is completely irrelevant. The fact that nobody would bat an eye is wrong, just as continuing to have sex with someone who revokes their consent during the act is wrong.

Just because men are treated unfairly in society on this issue doesn't mean we can treat women the same way. The focus should be on making sure that people realize that both men and women can get raped, and both men and woman can consent and then revoke consent at any time.

[Edwardo Piet]

The woman initiated the sexual encounter by jumping into the shower with the guy. You can't do that then halfway through exclaim rape, and pin the blame solely on a guy that is inebriated in the first place.

Kissing someone is not consenting to rape. If someone is halfway through that's irrelevant, "no" means no, "stop" means stop.

The guy is inebriated, yes. It was his decision to get drunk in the first place, once he is severely drunk he is not capable of making the same responsible decision making, yes. But beforehand he was capable, and one thing is certain: The woman carries zero blame because she didn't consent to anything.

[KevinM1]

I don't know.

How late was it?
Do you live on a dark street?
Are there ample places for an assailant to hide?
Is it in a neighborhood that has a relatively high crime rate?

Keep in mind, like I and everyone else has said in this thread: RAPE IS THE FAULT OF THE RAPIST

What we're trying to say is that people assume a certain amount of risk with whatever they do - driving on the highway, going to parties, and, yes, walking alone at night.  The point is to not exacerbate that risk by being an idiot.  Jumping in a shower with a drunk stranger and kissing them is stupidly risky.  

Walking alone at night?  Far less risky, although, it definitely depends on the circumstance.  For example, my old college campus was notorious for nighttime rapes and the faculty and campus police urged everyone walking at night to do so at least in pairs, if not greater numbers, to mitigate risk.

Your attempts to paint me and Aegon as some kind of misogynistic assholes misses the mark.  Shit, my cousin/god mother was molested for at least 8 years of her childhood by my own fucking father, and she kept it quiet because she knew that the family needed his income because of my ample medical bills.  While I've never been the victim of rape itself, my mere fucking existence forced someone I love dearly to have to go through pain and humiliation and fear I cannot imagine.  If you don't think I'm sympathetic to rape victims because I think everyone - male, female, non-cisgendered, old, young, black, white, whatever - should be a bit smarter across the board in order to mitigate the risk (not just the risk of getting raped, but all risk) they inevitably face in life rather than bumbling around and increasing risk in an idiotic fashion, I don't know what to tell you.

I am in NO WAY attempting to paint ANYONE as a misogynist. Please do not put words in my mouth. I have no desire to antagonize. That is the opposite of why I am participating in this thread. I NEVER said you were not sympathtic. Please stop trying to paint me as an angry, misandrist feminist.

I am just speaking as someone who knows what it's like on the other side of that fence. My hope is that it will help with understanding, perhaps that's naive of me.

To your list of questions, how would answering either way to any of those make me at fault? This is what the police asked me as well. They told me that I shouldn't have done that. A young, cute girl should expect that sort of thing if she wasn't paying attention.

If I'm misinterpreting you, then I'm sorry.  I'm getting pissed off because it seems like everyone is misinterpreting what I'm trying to (and obviously failing) to say.  So, I'll attempt to rephrase:

You are not at fault for your rape.  I will say it until the cows come home.  The rapist is the person who bears the responsibility.  That's it.  And the cops did a shitty job trying to make you feel responsible or guilty for it.

The risk mitigation stuff I'm trying (and, again, failing) to talk about is tangential, but still somewhat related.  My point isn't that you, this other lady, or anyone else should live in paranoia or fear from would-be assailants.  That if you don't engage in Jason Bourne personal security measures that you invited an assault or rape upon yourself.  What I'm trying to say is that jumping headlong into an obviously risky situation (like jumping in a shower with, and kissing, a drunk stranger) is dumb.  It does not excuse whatever crime may occur, but it most definitely increases the risk of it happening.

I hope that lady's rapist gets the book thrown at him.  I also hope she's far less naive in the future and learns to recognize (and avoid!) such an obvious trap in the future.

I don't know enough about your situation, but if it happened in a known risky/dangerous place, I would hope you would avoid going there alone at night in the future if you can help it.  Not because "Oh, shit, there you go inviting rape on yourself again, you harlot," but simply to avoid taking a recognized unnecessary risk.

Keep in mind, I'm not talking about risk mitigation just in terms of rape, but in a more general sense.  And, yes, I'm very aware that people can do everything reasonably expected of them, but still get assaulted/raped/harmed.

[Napoléon]

If a rape victim consented to sex and then withdrew consent during the act, it's still rape if the person having sex with the victim continues to have sex with them.

It doesn't matter if someone is "asking for it". A person can request sex and then refuse it, even during the act. Consenting to see doesn't mean you have to go through with the entire act.

Show me where I said anything to contend this.

[Napoléon]

Kissing someone is not consenting to rape.

By definition, you don't consent to 'rape'.

[Edwardo Piet]

Just because men are treated unfairly in society on this issue doesn't mean we can treat women the same way. The focus should be on making sure that people realize that both men and women can get raped, and both men and woman can consent and then revoke consent at any time.

Absolutely this 100%. Two wrongs do not make a right. Rape is rape, consent is consent: It's ridiculous to see unfairness on one side and think that justifies unfairness on another side.