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So I asked a guy out on a date...
#21
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
(May 1, 2016 at 6:00 am)ignoramus Wrote: So as to not hurt his feelings, I would have told him: sorry mate, not tonight, had Indian for dinner just before, and it could get messy, if you know what I mean!
Give him a little wink and leave it at that ...  hehe

ROFLOL
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#22
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
(April 30, 2016 at 8:03 am)SteelCurtain Wrote: ...completely on accident. Sorry for the click-bait!! Tongue

So I've been sort of mentoring this kid from my C++ class, he's a sophomore, 18-19 years old, a little awkward. Mentoring is a strong word, I've been trying to help him socially I guess, big brother style. Anyways, he doesn't have a car so I occasionally give him a ride to his apartment, and I make him talk (he'd be perfectly silent if I didn't...) about anything and everything. We were talking about the trans laws a couple of weeks ago and I mentioned that I identify as straight, but I am more accurately on the bi spectrum. I say this to set up what happened on Thursday. I was in Murfreesboro to lead a study group for our final, and I mentioned to this kid afterwards that I was going to to the bar to watch the NFL Draft and have a few beers. I asked him if he wanted to come along, and he looked really happy and said sure. We went to the bar, and I told him it's on me. (He's a struggling college kid, and I'm not struggling at all, so I figured it was the least I could do.)

I was totally oblivious. He never mentioned he was gay (or bi, as he tells me now) and he tried to hold my hand. I have mentioned how oblivious I am to flirting in general, I guess I missed a whole lot of cues. I was just trying to be friendly, but hindsight being 20/20 and all, I see where I sent a lot of mixed signals. I feel so bad for him. I can only imagine how much guts it must have taken to hold a guy's hand in a sports bar in Middle Tennessee. It was a college bar, but still, there's no shortage of dude-bros here. Also, it's apparent that he's been crushing on me for months. I missed a lot of signals. I really only asked him to go because I thought he'd say no, he literally has zero interest in sports, and only the most idiotic fans (read: ya boi) would sit and watch the NFL Draft. Yeah, signal right in the face. Still missed it.

Now, I don't know what to do. I want to reach out and tell him he's okay, but I don't want to prolong an awkward situation for him if he's too embarrassed to talk about it. Luckily I didn't react poorly, I just said "oh, no, I'm so sorry." Damn.

What would you do?

I feel bad for him because I know that had to have been horrifying and embarrassing. You, MCB, are absolutely adorable. I accidentally do this to people all the time. I have no idea what to say you should except continue on being friends with him and hanging out with him (probably in groups outside of studying so he doesn't think you're leading him on or something) as if it never happened. You could ask him if he wants to talk about it or just forget about it.


There's not a lot you can do that won't be awkward but just try to make it obvi that nothing has changed.

I don't know how it is for you or in the specific situation, but I seriously do this to people a lot. I've tried to pay better attention to stop it from happening but I'm apparently incapable of telling the difference between friendship behavior vs flirting.
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay

0/10

Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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#23
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
I don't end up in this situation too often. Generally, I am super over the top sensitive to being a testosterony man and staring and saying objectifying things to women that I don't know, so I don't send signals to women that are normal, I'd guess. Most women think I'm gay. I flirt intellectually, I am never going to be the guy that goes into a bar and picks up women, partly because that's not my personality, and partly because the very idea of 'picking up' women sounds terrible and a little grocery store aisle to me. (I was a terrible man whore in college, so this didn't always apply.)

As an adult, I generally date people I've known for a while, and that has meant that I don't date a lot. After Alex and I separated, I haven't dated at all. (Mostly because I am busy 18 hours a day and sleeping the other 6, partially because I'm still a bit hung up on her.)

But with guys, I haven't ever even had that kind of relationship on my radar. So I didn't expect it, nor was I thinking it was a possibility.

As an update, I talked to him after the final, and he said he wanted to still be friends, but he needed a little distance. More because he was embarrassed, I'd guess. I told him I'm here for him as a friend whenever, and when school starts up in the fall, to text me or call me (apparently the kids don't do Facebook anymore.) And we'll have lunch in the student center.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great

PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
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#24
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
The question is, did he put out?
Dying to live, living to die.
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#25
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
I don't even go to bars. It's not my scene. I like family places that serve alcohol on a limit. And I like fancy lunch places with bars. I don't like actual bars or clubs. I only end up in those places out of coercion and I usually spend the whole time trying to will myself to be invisible.
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay

0/10

Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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#26
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
(May 8, 2016 at 11:28 pm)Losty Wrote: I don't even go to bars. It's not my scene. I like family places that serve alcohol on a limit. And I like fancy lunch places with bars. I don't like actual bars or clubs. I only end up in those places out of coercion and I usually spend the whole time trying to will myself to be invisible.

How am I supposed to drug you if you're not in a bar?

Angry
Dying to live, living to die.
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#27
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
(May 8, 2016 at 11:30 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:
(May 8, 2016 at 11:28 pm)Losty Wrote: I don't even go to bars. It's not my scene. I like family places that serve alcohol on a limit. And I like fancy lunch places with bars. I don't like actual bars or clubs. I only end up in those places out of coercion and I usually spend the whole time trying to will myself to be invisible.

How am I supposed to drug you if you're not in a bar?

Angry

Just say you're gonna drug me and I'll comply
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay

0/10

Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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#28
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
It's been too long since I last went to a nightclub. I'm rarely in the mood these days but I've fancied it since my birthday

Waiting for my friend to get back from Brazil then we're gonna hit London again, I can't wait

-Dogface
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane"  - sarcasm_only

"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable."
- Maryam Namazie

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#29
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
(May 8, 2016 at 11:33 pm)Losty Wrote:
(May 8, 2016 at 11:30 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: How am I supposed to drug you if you're not in a bar?

Angry

Just say you're gonna drug me and I'll comply

Would it be ever so slightly on the extremely fucking perverted side if I watched?

* Edwardo Piet pokes his eyes out of his gratuitously mayo-stained turtle shell chanting "Do it. Do it. Do it."

-Hammy
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#30
RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
(May 9, 2016 at 12:19 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote:
(May 8, 2016 at 11:33 pm)Losty Wrote: Just say you're gonna drug me and I'll comply

Would it be ever so slightly on the extremely fucking perverted side if I watched?

* Alasdair Ham pokes his eyes out of his gratuitously mayo-stained turtle shell chanting "Do it. Do it. Do it."

-Hammy

Yes.

Don't make me vivisect you!
Dying to live, living to die.
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