RE: So I asked a guy out on a date...
April 30, 2016 at 11:16 pm
(This post was last modified: April 30, 2016 at 11:24 pm by TheRocketSurgeon.)
I say talk to him directly. Tell him you are more than flattered by the attention and think he's a great catch; you're just not interested in such a relationship at this time, for personal reasons. Tell him that if he needs a wingman, you'll help him find guys any time he wants, or buy him a drink because you're his friend and no other reason need be.
If he was so bold as that, then he sounds like a little direction could do him a lot of good. He doesn't need to know that you know nothing about picking up guys... but you can make him a better person, and a better catch, by showing him what it is to respect everyone equally, treat them right, not just go for easy scores, etc., just as you would if teaching him to look for a female mate.
Also - You handled it well, but I'd be surprised if you weren't hit on again in the future. It's a new age. I mean, I'm really straight, and I think you're clearly a very attractive guy. So, can you blame the kid? Really!
Edit to Add: And before anyone makes any "I knew it!" jokes, I am comfortable in my sexuality, which unfortunately is heterosexual Kinsey 1 (I say "unfortunately" because I get hit on by guys damned near twice as often as by women, in part because I work with a gay-related charity organization, and those come-ons do me no good... I think it would be nice to have the option), and I have rejected as much of the internalized homophobia as the society in which I was brought up allows possibility. In prison slang, "Hey man, I have zero 'plex." I have realized that the camaraderie that women often share, in which they can honestly assess how "hot" the other looks and share physical contact without having to mumble, "no homo", was something masculine culture needed to re-establish. I have made an effort to become comfortable with this aspect of the world, and it really has improved my life... drives me crazy when I hear cisgendered hetero WASPs whining about it, when it clearly stems from their terror at what lies beyond the door of 100% Acceptance. They use their religion to shield them from that terror, but I opened the door, and I like it on this side!
If he was so bold as that, then he sounds like a little direction could do him a lot of good. He doesn't need to know that you know nothing about picking up guys... but you can make him a better person, and a better catch, by showing him what it is to respect everyone equally, treat them right, not just go for easy scores, etc., just as you would if teaching him to look for a female mate.
Also - You handled it well, but I'd be surprised if you weren't hit on again in the future. It's a new age. I mean, I'm really straight, and I think you're clearly a very attractive guy. So, can you blame the kid? Really!
Edit to Add: And before anyone makes any "I knew it!" jokes, I am comfortable in my sexuality, which unfortunately is heterosexual Kinsey 1 (I say "unfortunately" because I get hit on by guys damned near twice as often as by women, in part because I work with a gay-related charity organization, and those come-ons do me no good... I think it would be nice to have the option), and I have rejected as much of the internalized homophobia as the society in which I was brought up allows possibility. In prison slang, "Hey man, I have zero 'plex." I have realized that the camaraderie that women often share, in which they can honestly assess how "hot" the other looks and share physical contact without having to mumble, "no homo", was something masculine culture needed to re-establish. I have made an effort to become comfortable with this aspect of the world, and it really has improved my life... drives me crazy when I hear cisgendered hetero WASPs whining about it, when it clearly stems from their terror at what lies beyond the door of 100% Acceptance. They use their religion to shield them from that terror, but I opened the door, and I like it on this side!
A Christian told me: if you were saved you cant lose your salvation. you're sealed with the Holy Ghost
I replied: Can I refuse? Because I find the entire concept of vicarious blood sacrifice atonement to be morally abhorrent, the concept of holding flawed creatures permanently accountable for social misbehaviors and thought crimes to be morally abhorrent, and the concept of calling something "free" when it comes with the strings of subjugation and obedience perhaps the most morally abhorrent of all... and that's without even going into the history of justifying genocide, slavery, rape, misogyny, religious intolerance, and suppression of free speech which has been attributed by your own scriptures to your deity. I want a refund. I would burn happily rather than serve the monster you profess to love.
I replied: Can I refuse? Because I find the entire concept of vicarious blood sacrifice atonement to be morally abhorrent, the concept of holding flawed creatures permanently accountable for social misbehaviors and thought crimes to be morally abhorrent, and the concept of calling something "free" when it comes with the strings of subjugation and obedience perhaps the most morally abhorrent of all... and that's without even going into the history of justifying genocide, slavery, rape, misogyny, religious intolerance, and suppression of free speech which has been attributed by your own scriptures to your deity. I want a refund. I would burn happily rather than serve the monster you profess to love.
), but I haven't talked to him since I dropped him off. I don't want to push him away by badgering him. I'm going to give him the "walk with me" after our exam on Monday just to clear the air. Tell him again that I'm not offended or weirded out by it at all. I'll probably tell him I spent the whole weekend worrying about him, and didn't want to freak him out by calling or badgering him. We're good, I want to remain friends if that's what he wants as well.
