(May 1, 2016 at 3:14 pm)dragonman73 Wrote:(May 1, 2016 at 1:15 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: I agree with Rob. She's unfairly pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, mostly to keep up appearances. It's, ironically, very unchristian-like behavior.
There's something that doesn't feel quite right about how you describe how she's trying to force the two of you as being a package deal with church activity. Is she trying to force you to go to church because, even though she's not devout, she doesn't like that you're an atheist? That somehow it's just a phase? I dunno, that part just seems peculiar to me.
What's stopping her from teaching the Sunday school class(es), by the way? Seems like the perfect solution.
I think part of it is she doesn't want to be "that wife" who is at church without her husband every Sunday. Another part is, while she hasn't mentioned it that she thinks there is "hope" for me I supposed. I made it clear why I don't believe and why I am an atheist. I think she thinks is a phase like you said.
Typical christian fashion she thinks something bad has happened to me that drove me off the path. I think she's mentioned I didn't start believing this way until my mom died in 2010. But it was way after that.
Truth be told it was when the pastor got on the pulpit one Sunday back in 2012 and did a sermon on tithing. He said we owe the Church 10% of our gross before taxes and God didn't care what debt you have. It lead me on a path to trying to figure things out...then it all started looking like BS to me.
She could def teach the class if she was one of those type of people. She's not very organized and doesn't like talking in front of people. Usually she sits there while I do all the talking...I don't think she wants to teach a class by herself. Another reason it is put on me.
(May 1, 2016 at 1:50 pm)Fake Messiah Wrote: There is something about religious wives and atheist husbands. For instance my cousin was always an atheist and even bragged, when we were kids, how he always spits 3 times on the church when he passes by it and yet he met some christian woman who made him baptize and marry in the fucking church and I know few more guys like that. I mean really guys you need to grow a pair.
You see they don't believe and don't really care they just go to the church maybe once every few years, but at the same time let their own kids be roasted by this religious assholes that tell them science is a lie and make them at least confused that they'll have problems learning science in school not to mention later finishing worthy college, if they don't go full fanatic. So at least you should do it for your kids and therefore for the rest of the world, because world would certainly be a better place if there were more smarter people.
Maybe you should confront your wife and discuss about the core of Christianity and the fact that it has been debunked. I'm not saying to press her into de-converting, but go trough some facts, some books (like Jerry Coyne's 'Faith Versus Fact') and/or something like Richard Dawkins videos on youtube. For instance how science shows us that Adam and Eve never existed and therefore Jesus' mission is bullshit. If she refuses to even talk about it ask her if she wants to be a stubborn fanatic that she doesn't want to learn some scientific facts and if they don't convince her then you'll all revert back to religion. I mean you said that she was already on the "other" side but she obviously needs to go deeper.
When it comes to your community, of course you need to go step by step, but if you have your wife on your side and they don't accept you as you are then fuck them. Are people that don't accept you really worthy of your company? Maybe they drag you in in some ideological conversations but you explain them.
Honestly, when wife and I first for married we lived in another town away from her friends and family and joined the church there. We were "members" for a few years but rarely went. I don't think my wife cares about going either. Or at least that has been proven in the past.
Tried discussing things with her already. Even had her sit through a couple of Richard dawkin videos and several of the youtube channels on Christianity. She shuts down and when I try to talk about it with her she says I am making fun of her beliefs.....even when I sugar coat it and try and approach it on tactfully.
(May 1, 2016 at 3:11 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: It seems that you are willing, at least in part, to consent to this church activity so I'm not quite sure how much sympathy I have. If it can down to your wife choosing you and your not participating or the church activity/socializing which one do you think she would pick? Sounds like the two of you need to have a heartfelt discussion. I socialize with xtians all of the time, just not at church/church events (my wife is catholic). Is this not an option for your wife?
Never had this situation with a spouse, only parents. When they forced me to attend I'd go but walk out within 10 minutes, with the whole congregation watching. It only took them a couple of times to get the hint. It became easier for them to attend without me than have the embarrassment of everyone seeing me walk out and not return. You could try the same thing but it may bring you to much grief.
The devious part of my mind says teach scary old testament sunday school. Focus on the killing and misogyny in the bible. They'll ask you to quit. But that may be to over the top and needlessly scar the kids.
You should not have to live your life as a hypocrite. Does your wife understand that? Would she live hers that way?
Good luck!
It's a fine line, especially when your married. You want to compromise and make everyone happy. I'm trying to keep my wife in good graces with her parents, because I know if I quit going they will start acting like I am the black sheep. Even though I am educated, work hard, pay my bills and am not a burden to anyone.
Also add to the fact that we are so involved right now with kids stuff that it's hard to rip that band aid off without being noticeable. I wanted to start scaling back, getting other people to take our spots every other sunday and so forth. That way I can just fade out and nobody notices because someone else is picking up the slack.
We've had heartfelt discussions, then they turn into an argument. But I told her yesterday I am just going to quit going. She got up today, waited until the last minute to leave and then she went to church. She came home and she's fine.
I think she's embarrassed to be there without her husband because then people start talking or want to know where I am at. And like most Christians she provably used the "he sick" excuse.
Now that she knows where you stand, don't make a big issue out of it, either way. If you cant discuss it, you can still let her know you love her, but it may be better if simply leave it alone. You can at least drive her to church, that cant hurt you either.
But there is one thing with mixed religion couples, not just atheist/religious, but say a Christian and a Jew or a Muslim and Christian, if you don't have kids yet, you better have that conversation. No matter what differences you may have now, neither of you would have any business using the kid as a pawn in your adult disagreements. Even outside the issue of religion, it is one thing to not get along, and get a divorce, but far too many adults try to pit the kid against the other.
Even outside the issue of religion, BOTH of you are entitled to be yourselves and you can have your disagreements, but the way you have them matters. Don't name call, don't hold grudges, don't bring up the past. Make it about listening, and problem solving for the future.
