In the midst of "medical miracle"

[krstl_mrrw]

Hello! This is my first posting here, and I'll get to the introduction forum in a bit, but first...

My 15 year old cousin was a passenger in a pretty horrific car accident a couple weekends ago. His airbag didn't deploy (that was under recall), and his seat belt didn't lock, essentially taking away any protection it provided. His neck was actually cut deeply by the seat belt as he came forward, also hitting his head on windshield. He lost quite a significant amount of blood at the scene, nearly bleeding out right there. They were able to stabilize him and take him to a PICU. He's been in a coma and on a ventilator ever since it happened. Initially, the doctors told us all to say our goodbyes. He was a 3 on the Glasgow Coma Scale, but had been raised to a 6 over the week, and even now may be scoring higher since there's signs that he's coming out of the coma.

Most of my family is fairly religious. They all believe that their prayers are what is healing him since many of the doctors are being "proven wrong." He is living when they said he would die. His brain swelling was pretty severe, but apparently has gone done quite a bit without the doctors having to intervene much. The doctors also specifically said that he wouldn't be able to move the right side of his body with the brain damage that was done, but has since moved his toes and squeezed a hand with that side. His mother was also told that a fracture in one of his vertebra is healing on his own, which they claim is 'remarkable'. (I don't know if that's true or not...???) Apparently she's been told they can't explain why he's doing do well all things considered, which has only served to prove to my family that prayer works. My cousin is still facing surgeries: his jaw was broken and will be wired shut for at least 6 weeks, he'll be getting a tracheotomy when they extubate him later this week, they'll place a feeding tube, he'll also need a plate in his head since part of his skull was removed, and he's battling infections all while still trying to awake from the coma. Not to mention the daunting physical, speech, emotional therapies he will need after all of this.

I really don't know what to say to everyone around me about the miracle they claim they are witnessing. They all go on and on about the power of prayer and how a god is healing him. I just sit there and keep my mouth shut. Mind you, the driver of the car (his brother who was DUI) and his pregnant girlfriend in the backseat both walked away from this accident unharmed. I think a minor case of whiplash was the worst of the injuries between the two of them. To me, that would have been the time for a miracle... change that split second decision in the driver's mind so he doesn't change lanes and crash into a big rig, rather than shatter the life of a 15 year old kid. But that's life. You either survive, or you don't. You either recover from your injuries, or you don't. I don't see the work of a god, I see a kid (a pretty big kid at 6'02"!) fighting for his life with medical technology keeping him alive in the meantime. Is the best thing to do to keep my opinions to myself? Because that's what I've been doing so far. I feel like instances like these are why religions will always be around.

[SteelCurtain]

Shite. I'm so sorry your cousin and family are going through this. It must be enraging to see doctors do their job and watch all of the credit go to prayer.

I think your most important role is to be there for you family; if they think prayer is working and that helps them rally around the boy, so be it. The forum can be your venting place!

Welcome!

[krstl_mrrw]

Shite. I'm so sorry your cousin and family are going through this. It must be enraging to see doctors do their job and watch all of the credit go to prayer.

I think your most important role is to be there for you family; if they think prayer is working and that helps them rally around the boy, so be it. The forum can be your venting place!

Welcome!

Thank you for the welcome!

It definitely is frustrating, especially since we already went through a 'miracle' when my daughter was born at 24 weeks. I'll get into that another time, but it's reminding me a lot of that situation and how my family acted then, too.

[robvalue]

Welcome to the forum

I'm very sad to hear about your brother, that's a horrible accident and I send you and your family my best wishes

As for prayer, it's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of. God (pretending he exists) allowed the accident to happen, he is responsible. And if prayer is making him partially repair some of this damage, that means he otherwise wouldn't have. Why not? Wouldn't he have noticed without them pointing it out? Does he need an ego massage before his power will work?

I understand it must be frustrating when surrounded by religious nuttery. I agree that keeping your mouth shut about it is probably the best plan for now. It's their way of coping and trying to make sense of things, by deferring to magical forces. They're unwittingly elevating the doctors to God-like status, if their knowledge of everything is supposed to be perfect; and any disagreements must be due to magic. Instead, the sensible conclusion is that we just don't know everything about the human body, and an explanation is not available at this time. The conclusion is not "it's a miracle". That's an argument from ignorance, every time.

[ignoramus]

It would be easy to rip into them now as you are angry for many reasons...
But don't. It's not about your ego or the other's egos.
It's just about everyone being there amicably for the sick kid.
It was just an accident really. Most times you don't even have time to think, you just react... But anger can turn to blame ...don't say anything you may regret.

I hope he gets better.

[zebo-the-fat]

So... god is healing him, what a pity god couldn't be bothered to prevent the accident in the first place.

[drfuzzy]

I wouldn't advocate arguing with them at this point.  But I thought you might appreciate these memes.

[TheRocketSurgeon]

I would advise you to keep your mouth shut, unfortunately, though it grates at me as well to see people make such claims. The doctors tend to downplay success rates, because people who are told "no chance" and then get a loved one back are happy, while people who are told "we can likely save him", only to have that loved one die, tend to be both outraged and litigious.

However, serious scientific study has been done on the "power of prayer", and the answer is (wait for it...) NO. Not effective.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/12082681/ns/he...sual-test/

More interestingly, the study found that people who knew they were being prayed for had a lower recovery rate than those who were in the double-blind studies. So, while their prayers aren't doing anything to help, at least they're not hurting him... because he's in a coma, and can't know they're praying for him.

I wish him all the best, as well as all your family. May the doctors' skill exceed their own hopes/expectations.

[The Valkyrie]

I would advise you to keep your mouth shut, unfortunately, though it grates at me as well to see people make such claims. The doctors tend to downplay success rates, because people who are told "no chance" and then get a loved one back are happy, while people who are told "we can likely save him", only to have that loved one die, tend to be both outraged and litigious.

However, serious scientific study has been done on the "power of prayer", and the answer is (wait for it...) NO. Not effective.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/12082681/ns/he...sual-test/

More interestingly, the study found that people who knew they were being prayed for had a lower recovery rate than those who were in the double-blind studies. So, while their prayers aren't doing anything to help, at least they're not hurting him... because he's in a coma, and can't know they're praying for him.

I wish him all the best, as well as all your family. May the doctors' skill exceed their own hopes/expectations.

This.

Were the family members praying and talking to him in the room with him?  Studies have shown that coma patients may be able to hear and respond to the voices of loved ones, which is why we encourage people to talk to them.  Unless I've missed something recently, there's nothing conclusive in these studies, yet.

People recover.  It happens.

And patients that are expected to live die unexpectedly.  That happens too.  Last year I had a patient die on the operating table before the surgery even began. 

Other than that, welcome to the forums, and I hope your cousin makes a full recovery.

[brewer]

god/prayer? No need for physicians or medical technology then. They are praying to the all mighty, right?

Wait, maybe god/prayer working through physicians? Has your family told the physicians that "If it were not for god you (MD's) would not be making a difference. Thank god that he sent you to medical school and gave you all that talent. Sorry he couldn't help pay for your schooling. Could you feel god directing your hand as you held the scalpel?"?

Should probably keep quiet until he is out of the woods.