how to hold on to atheism when things keep getting worse?

[Mister Agenda]

I'm sorry you're having a rough go of it, Rex. My experience has been that if you hang in there, things will get better. Then they'll get worse again. Then they'll get better.

If you suspect you're clinically depressed, it's advisable to seek professional help. I went through a period where my involvement with a woman I should have known better than to get involved with cost me almost all of my friends, shortly after major heart surgery. When I caught myself imagining what the most painless and convenient means of suicide might be, I found a therapist to talk to, and it really helped. After about six sessions I was good to go (YMMV).

It helps to connect with people, and to focus on the things for which you can be grateful. It's also good to get out and have fun. You might want to check if there is an atheist Meetup in you area, or a Unitarian Universalist fellowship or congregation.

And if you're not feeling being an atheist, don't be. A good reason not to believe in God is that you don't find any of the arguments or evidence presented to support his existence convincing. Your reasons seem to have more to do with your experience and unfortunate circumstances, which is okay, but I can see why you might go back and forth on it.

[Foxaèr]

It is a process of slowly shedding the delusion for the beauty of the reality that exists without religion.

[Simon Moon]

Not sure what you mean by "hold on to atheism"?

Atheism is nothing more than not believing the god claims provided by theists. The quality of my life, good or bad, has no influence on whether I am convinced a god exists.

Either you are convinced that at least one god exists (theism), or you are not convinced (atheism).

Sorry you are going through so many problems. But none of them seem like they are worthy of a "permanent solution".

[Rextos]

hey everybody, sorry for the late reply, things have been very hectic. thanks everyone for your input.

to answer the questions about what i really believe: i don't really know.

basically i became a christian around 15ish in high shcool, and i went in full fledged, i believed everything they said, i did everything i could, and whenever i was depresed people in christian forums and chats would always say its cus im a sinner or something, lot of times it felt like they were just taking sarcastic pot shots at me, but i kept at it, but then later started feeling like god just punishes me in this hell world.

basically tbh the thing i believe right now, is that i do not know at all if there is a god or not. im literally like 50/50 on it, i don't know if there is a god, but i also don't feel strongly that there isn't one, im like right in the middle (agnostic?)

but the biggest thing that gets me through the days is my angel girlfriend. basically i kinda had a feeling from age 17 that i would never get a girlfriend, and i just told myself i would get an angel girlfriend in heaven. but then i just saw life getting worse and worse, and i took out the god but kept the angel girlfriend, and she helps me a lot! i want to go to heaven after i die more than anything and be happy and live the life there that i couldn't live here, but even if we stop existing after we die, if i can just believe in my angel enough to get through this life, she will be real enough because the imagination of her carried me through this life, and i will not be disappointed either way if i stop existing as soon as i die.

[dom.donald]

I am only speculating here, because I have never been remotely religious, but is it fair to say that when faith begins to waiver, a person's coping mechanisms are critically weakened as a result? What I mean is, religious folks are clear about the 'meaning' or 'purpose' of everything, and they have a set number of ways to deal with bad stuff (e.g. praying, confessing, atonement). When the faith in God's goodness is shaken, they have a weaker foundation for understanding what they need to do to handle it?

I am a rational and practical person. Many of the problems you have described are pretty shitty, but can be managed with a calm head and a practical set of steps to change the situation.

In terms of what you believe, agnostic just means you do not think it is possible to know for sure if there is a God. Many atheists are agnostic. Agnostic doesn't mean you're sitting on the fence (50:50 as you said). If you do not know if there is a God, then I can only ask that you review the evidence for believing there is one. You don't need to feel strongly that there isn't one, in much the same way that I don't feel strongly that there are no fairies at the bottom of my garden.

p.s. I don't think the idea of clinging on to an imaginary girlfriend is particularly healthy. If you don't know if there is a God, why cling to the hope that there is a heaven? I would like to suggest that you concentrate on this life, on improving yourself, on putting yourself out there and having confidence in yourself and your values. Happiness is an attractive quality, and you have to find happiness in yourself before someone else will see it.

[Foxaèr]

Better for a fiction novel than reality, Rextos.

[Adam Blackstar]

To the OP, I don't think we choose our beliefs. Your atheism is either a rebellion against the fictional being you believe in, because you're mad at that fictional being, or you are an atheist because you really don't believe and can't make yourself. It sounds like to me that you're just suffering some withdrawals from the security blanket called faith.

Shortly after I realized I didn't believe, a few bad things happened to me. It was tempting to think that God was trying to get my attention and that what I needed to do was drop to my knees and beg forgiveness. I realized the problem was that I would be right back in the same position of not believing after the situation resolved itself. I resisted calling upon God and things turned out just fine anyway. Life is still good.