Adoption of mentally impaired babies

[ukatheist]

That giving up a baby for adoption because he/she is disabled, is immoral. Just worried that someone had said to you that had you ultimately given up your baby that it would have been immoral.

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[AceBoogie]

I think it's safe to say that raising a child with a mental or physical illness is going to be a different, and probably much more difficult, experience than raising a "perfectly healthy" (if there is such a thing) child.

I would not blame a couple for giving up a disabled child. Period.

Give the child up and allow a mentally stronger, more compassionate couple to raise the child and, hopefully, create a mentally well adjusted, productive member of society (depending on the severity of the illness of course). I would rather a more fit couple raise a child like this than a couple who feels they are not up to the challenge and will, therefore, probably not do as good of a job. Parents help mold their children into who they are. Sure, some traits and characteristics are genetic, but parents basically help their children become who they are and who they're going to be.

A few outliers break the mold and change their ways, despite growing up in very difficult situations. But most kids end up just like their parents, I would say. If your parents were bar rats, you'll be a bar rat. If your parents were active, productive people, you'll probably be an active, productive person. In a perfect world, only the most physically and mentally fit people would have children. Eventually though, I believe science will find a way to eliminate disease and illness from our world, which I think is a beautiful thing.

To be fair though, I don't think anyone who isn't fit to have children should have children. This bullshit about "stepping up to the plate" that I hear from some people is complete nonsense. Some folks are simply unfit to raise another human being, period.

So, in short, no I do not think it would be wrong for a couple to give up a mentally or physically impaired child... especially if they are self aware enough to realize that they are not up for that sort of challenge. Parents who are strong and compassionate enough to accept this challenge should certainly be given some sort of assistance by the government to help with their situation. I'm not a huge welfare fan but some people truly should get assistance if they are in difficult situations like this.

To the people who refuse to answer, quit being a pussy and tell us how you feel. Let's see how high up on the horse you sit.

[Catholic_Lady]

That giving up a baby for adoption because he/she is disabled, is immoral. Just worried that someone had said to you that had you ultimately given up your baby that it would have been immoral.

Oh no, no one said that to me. It was never a serious consideration of mine, anyway. Just something that crossed my mind, but only if I could give him to a loving family... not just dropping him off at the orphanage. And then we got word that he would very likely die in utero anyway, so it became irrelevant.

[Amarok]

How do you guys feel about a couple who, upon learning their unborn baby had a mental impairment such as Down Syndrome (or other), decide to look for a good family to adopt their baby? Apparently there are people out there who feel a calling and have a passion for special needs children, and who specifically look for these types of babies to adopt. 

Let me also say that this pregnant couple has the financial means and plenty of support to take care of a mentally impaired child. But the reason they want to put their child up for adoption is because they feel like emotionally/mentally they just wouldn't be able to handle the grief and heartache that would come from seeing their child struggle through life.   

So, do you think it's wrong for the pregnant couple to choose to put their baby up for adoption in this case? Would you judge them? How do you feel about this type of decision?

(bolded to emphasize this would be about finding a loving adopted family prior to the birth, NOT leaving the child in an orphanage)

In my professional experience a mentally distressed parent is a dangerous parent. On the other hand adoption is traumatic no matter what for all our culture loves to paint it as a light and fuzzy notion it must always be remembered that this is only  happening because something has gone wrong . As for judgement that's not my job my job is to mediate the circumstances as much as possible to the benefit of all.

[Neo-Scholastic]

Are there any orphanages left? I thought the system had changed to foster care until permanent adoption becomes available.

[Catholic_Lady]

Are there any orphanages left? I thought the system had changed to foster care until permanent adoption becomes available.

Oh i have no idea.

[Amarok]

Are there any orphanages left? I thought the system had changed to foster care until permanent adoption becomes available.

Oh i have no idea.

Nope they were discontinued as in the U.S anyway as they tended to be unfavorable for children( thou fosters I argue can be just destructive) due to a high rate of institutional abuse and logistical problems.

[Godscreated]

To judge them is not for us to do. What I do believe is that God blessed them with a child and expects them to raise this child in a loving home. As one who cares for a mentally challenged lady I know the joy that comes with it and that joy far out weighs the frustrations. I can't believe her parents gave her up and missed out on the joy she is. Yes there are challenges but what in life is not a challenge, maybe laziness. I believe there are those who would be embarrassed by such a child especially if they run in certain circles, if they only new the beauty of these children and the ugliness of those around them that would judge them. This child is a God given gift and should be accepted that way. I pray this child will end up in a good home, our girl spent seven years in hell before she came to us, I thank God for her every day.

GC

[Catholic_Lady]

To judge them is not for us to do. What I do believe is that God blessed them with a child and expects them to raise this child in a loving home. As one who cares for a mentally challenged lady I know the joy that comes with it and that joy far out weighs the frustrations. I can't believe her parents gave her up and missed out on the joy she is. Yes there are challenges but what in life is not a challenge, maybe laziness. I believe there are those who would be embarrassed by such a child especially if they run in certain circles, if they only new the beauty of these children and the ugliness of those around them that would judge them. This child is a God given gift and should be accepted that way. I pray this child will end up in a good home, our girl spent seven years in hell before she came to us, I thank God for her every day.

GC

This was beautiful, GC. 

[Cato]

If still legal where they live (not knowing how far along she is), I think abortion would be the optimum solution, but that's not my choice. What happens if they never find a 'good' home? The foster care system is evidence enough that finding children good homes isn't exactly easy.

If they go the adoption route I think they should be made to pay for the child's care, including into adulthood as many people with mental disabilities require.

On second thought, fuck them. To simultaneously hold the position that every life is sacred and carry to term only to try and adopt, not because they don't have the means but because it would be too emotionally distressing, is some deep sanctimonious bullshit. If this is the fortitude of this couple I can only hope the child finds a loving family. As for these two, I dread the thought of them ever having a child. The reason given for their decision to adopt will rear its head in any number of parenting situations where future children will suffer. Selfishness is not a good basis for parenting.

I think this couple should have their genitals removed and placed in jars on their kitchen table as a daily reminder of how fucked up they are. Will also ensure they aren't given another opportunity to fuck up another child's life.