Advice on a personal matter

[Sterben]

I'm turning thirty soon and I'm really bothered by fact I'm not as young as I once was. I'll elaborate more on why it's bothering me.
over the past I would say eleven years, I've mostly used the internet for my personal socialization. I do talk with others at work, but I never expose my true self; only a small portion is ever is ever shown. Even now, the whole self is never shown; it's out of fear, this fear has granted me comfort and has imprisoned my mentally. I shut myself out of the real world as much I can. The anxiety is really building up and I'm starting to self isolate from the world even more. All I'm starting to see is doors closing and I don't know how to manage this midlife crisis any more.

[ignoramus]

30 is a little early for mlc.
Are you happy to open up to us here on an anon forum to dissect/discuss any psychological issues?

We've probably all felt a little of what you are feeling ...so many here can relate to your position.
My first q is what do you think is the root of these negative emotions.

[AFTT47]

Lol!

Dude, you still have some time left! There is plenty of life left in your 30s. Just make the most of it because after that, it's mostly downhill from there.

I'm 57 and it sucks for me. A lot of that has to do with the choices I have made though. Watch out for substance abuse because that can seriously set you back. I've seen others in their 60s who rock! It depends on what you do.

[Sterben]

30 is a little early for mlc.
Are you happy to open up to us here on an anon forum to dissect/discuss any psychological issues?

We've probably all felt a little of what you are feeling ...so many here can relate to your position.
My first q is what do you think is the root of these negative emotions.

        I would have to say to say fear of getting close to other people, I've had too many bad experiences with getting screwed over in this regard. Mostly over money aspect.

---

Lol!

Dude, you still have some time left! There is plenty of life left in your 30s. Just make the most of it because after that, it's mostly downhill from there.

I'm 57 and it sucks for me. A lot of that has to do with the choices I have made though. Watch out for substance abuse because that can seriously set you back. I've seen others in their 60s who rock! It depends on what you do.

      I already had the substance abuse phase of my life, so I think I'm good there.

[ignoramus]

So you trusted people and they let you down? Friends? Lovers? business?
The first step is to compartmentalise ...

Do you think you are naturally trusting/gullible with everyone?

[paulpablo]

I'm turning thirty soon and I'm really bothered by fact I'm not as young as I once was. I'll elaborate more on why it's bothering me.
over the past I would say eleven years, I've mostly used the internet for my personal socialization. I do talk with others at work, but I never expose my true self; only a small portion is ever is ever shown. Even now, the whole self is never shown; it's out of fear, this fear has granted me comfort and has imprisoned my mentally. I shut myself out of the real world as much I can. The anxiety is really building up and I'm starting to self isolate from the world even more. All I'm starting to see is doors closing and I don't know how to manage this midlife crisis any more.

Socializing is a big spectrum.  Are you just terrified of being yourself around everyone?  What were you like before the last 11 years?

I can't really talk about how to cure social anxiety because I have it.  But I don't really see it as much of a problem, I don't go out to nightclubs, pubs or anything.  I've got some friends I met through music who I still keep in touch with and a few female friends.
I openly tell the people in work what I'm like.  I got invited to a wedding in work and I told them both you know how much an anti social twat I am so it's likely I won't go.

The biggest thing that changed how I socialized probably was through slow progress of talking online, meeting up with women online.  Having disasterous awful meetings, finding various people who I loved talking to even on the phone which I used to hate. Meeting some amazing people, meeting even better people, getting more confident and progressing.

To cut a long story short I took the long and grinding approach.  You said it's like you're in a prison, well how I got out is by digging out with a spoon.  Not a big wooden stiring spoon either, I'm talking about a tiny teaspoon.

And I'm still socially awkward as fuck, but it's taken me this long to get to a place that I think is at least acceptable.  I'm not living in a hole as a hermit collecting bottles of my own urine but I'm hardly a glamerous socialite either.

But I have to clarify I don't know what kind of social anxiety you have.  A lot of men with social anxiety I imagine cure it by getting married so they don't have to socialize with lots of women, just the one who they get to know over time.  And they watch sports so they can definitely have something to talk about and socialize with other men about, life solved.

[Aoi Magi]

A mid-life crisis at 30? bahahahahaha

You seem to have a bit of social anxiety and that's quite common. Just keep putting yourself in social situations and you'll soon get comfortable with it. I myself am a huge introvert and so I have a very small friend circle, I too have problems trusting people, but it's not like I have to trust someone with my life if I just plan on having a little chat, right? I'd suggest find some friends, join a club where you can find people with similar interests, heck you can even see if anyone from here lives near you for a quick meetup, from there move on to making acquaintances with their friends and slowly grow your social circle. Like everything else, it gets easier with the effort you put in.

[LastPoet]

What Magi said. Back in 2002 I stopped abusing heroin. To do that, I isolated myself from the social aspects, just going and coming from work, using the internet. I found myself in a similar situation to yours. I had to rebuild my social network away from my druggie friends, as it could make me relapse. I went to a psychologist that advised me Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy. It has worked wonders since then. Its not magic, its just thought discipline. You need to overcome social anxiety and the avoidance it brings. And that will can only come from you.

[HairyCyclist]

Join a social group to get out and about, a cycling or walking group would be good as you can interact as much or as little as you want with other members.
Camping also is a great way to meet people and get out in the air, I find it really social, but you can always zip up the tent door when you want to be alone.

[mlmooney89]

I don't understand the fear of getting older but then again I'm not afraid of death and honestly I have felt like I was in my thirties since I was 17 so maybe once I reach my forties I will start being fearful.

I just see it as looks are not worth getting upset over so it keeps me from being afraid of looking older. I see the more time you spend on earth the more you learn and you aren't some ignorant teenager anymore so that's a plus of getting older. I just hope that I go before I get so old and infirm that I can't take care of myself and become a burden on others. But that's a long way away and I can try to work hard to provide a future where I won't burden others or I can make the decision to end things myself if need be.

I get that you have anxieties about other things that you are linking to getting older but honestly I don't see how they can really relate at such a young age of thirty. Mind you I'm going on 28 myself here in a few months. Life expectancy is so high these days you could live your life twice over still. You will get only depressed if you think you are old at 30.

---

Also just to remind everyone that life doesn't stop at a certain number I have a customer at the bank I work at that is 83. He still drives himself around, still works full time at the construction company he owns, and over the past year he and I discussed him loading a pick up truck full of construction stuff and how he was going to go drop it off at the site. I was floored especially cause he had just been a wreck (not his fault) and had broken limbs and a busted face and he had bounced right back! He is 83 and doing more physically labor than I do. He isn't wealthy but he is working and happy.

And another guy just told me yesterday that he is getting married this week... He is in his late sixties. I'm so happy for him.

Age is nothing darlin.