Ask a former IV heroin addict

[AceBoogie]

"Lab grade"?  What, you mean like the actiqs or the patches?  Street fentanyl wasn't a thing when I was using, but the pharmaceutical stuff came around a lot.  It gave me one of the worst hangovers I've ever had.

Most, if not all, of the fentanyl used to cut heroin comes from illicit dealers in China and/or the Middle East. It's not "lab grade" fentanyl so one gram of the illicit fentanyl might not be quite as pure (therefore not as potent) as one gram of pharmaceutical or lab grade fentanyl.

What I mean is that I got fentanyl in powdered/crystalline form that was from a research lab somewhere in the Midwest. Sort of like getting crystalline LSD before its converted into a liquid mixture and soaked onto blotter paper. Basically fentanyl synthesized with permission of the US government but not yet converted into patches or pills by pharmaceutical companies. I was getting batches of fentanyl before big pharma companies got their hands on it (though I'm not sure if this lab was specifically supplying any companies or if they were making it just for research purposes).

Yeah, the guy I used to get oxy from would shoot up benzos and opiates all of the time.  He mixed all kinds of crazy things with oxy and would save all of his cotton balls. Then, when he couldn't find any drugs, he would melt down all of his used cotton balls that probably contained about 5-10 different drugs and shoot that up.

People do crazy shit with drugs.  All the while that I abused opiates I had a large prescription for ativan.  I'm probably lucky that I didn't get sick, but I never hit the opiates very hard.  I developed a daily habit for a little bit, but it was small doses.  

Did you go on suboxone?

That's crazy.

And no but they did give us tramadol and small amounts of buprenorphine, which is in Suboxone, in the detox center.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I have a question for you and the other ex-addicts here.


After Jesus helped you change your life, and get you off drugs, why did you walk away from HIM?

Because of course, only Jesus can change people's life...right?

... and only Priceline.com can fetch you good airfares, right?

[Mister Agenda]

I hit the rock for a bit, but due to having a pretty good life was able to walk away when I realized I was becoming addicted. That was about 15 years ago that I quit. I would try anything smokable in the late 90s/early oughts; a time when I was hanging out with some women who were having a rougher time than me. It was foolish and I regret it, but I suppose it was a good lesson to learn.

Or maybe I'm just too lazy to put in all that effort chasing a high. It's like a whole lifestyle. I'm sure I would have wound up living in a small trailer in a bad neighborhood if I had stuck with it.

I love you buddy, we agree most of the time, but I don't see "lifestyle" as appropriate to say. It is an addiction. And addictions affect all classes, even the middle class and rich. I think using that word allows people to be stigmatized, especially the poor.

Perhaps I didn't express myself well. There's a lot that goes into being an addict besides just taking drugs. There's getting the drugs, getting the money to get the drugs, having contacts with dealers, having addict friends, finding safe places to get high, evading the authorities, lying to people about your habit, and in extremity; stealing and hustling to support your habit. There's smoking your house, your car, maybe the kid's college fund. There's the risk of death (my cousin's daughter only got to experiment with heroin once). Possible jail time, possible rehab time. It's clearly an exhausting life. But once you're addicted, you're in that life until you manage to get free or you die. I was fortunate to quit before I really got hooked. Putting off going cold turkey another week might have resulted in my house getting smoked and raiding my 401K and losing my job, then I'd been up shit creek in my forties. My addict friend not supporting my choice (or wanting an excuse not to share) to quit might have had the same effect, there were a few times those first months when I was weak. Sorry for my poor choice of words.

[LastPoet]

I went for like a dozen cold turkeys and relapses untill the final try that worked.
Fuck, like willingfull torture.

[Crunchy]

The first time you stuck a needle in your arm (before you were addicted) did it cross your mind that what you were about to do was really stupid?

Actually, no. I think when you're on heavy drugs your thinking is so clouded that you can't really correctly analyze a situation even if you wanted to.

That being said, I didn't care to examine myself during that period of time, I was too concerned with getting high and I think I would have done anything to rationalize getting a bigger, better high.

edit: it's also worth mentioning that by the time I injected heroin for the first time I was already pretty addicted to heroin mentally, so injecting I guess didn't seem like that big of a step up.

I don't know what you mean by "pretty addicted to heroin mentally" ? Can you expand?
To me, it seems impossible to imagine ever tying off your arm, and sticking a steel needle into your vein. But you seem to be implying that you were high on other drugs before injecting that first time. Were you taking heroin orally prior to injecting?

Since your kind enough and brave enough to share your experience, this idea of injecting is the one that most baffles me as to how anyone could do it under any circumstance. (excluding force, of course)

[Catholic_Lady]

Wow, that's insane. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but good on you for having stuck it out.

Can you explain, like, biologically, why detoxing from these drugs is so hard on your body? It seems like quitting something bad would feel good on the body, so it's weird that it feels like crap before it gets better.

Much appreciated.

Because using heroin causes your brain to release massive amounts of dopamine into your system. After some time your body physically becomes dependent on that outside source of dopamine and stops producing the chemical on its own. So when you stop using heroin it takes a while for your body to start producing dopamine on its own again and up until your body balances out chemically, you experience that lack of dopamine as heroin withdrawal.

Interesting. I never would have thought that lack of dopamine makes you physically ill. Thanks for answering.

[brewer]

Much appreciated.

Because using heroin causes your brain to release massive amounts of dopamine into your system. After some time your body physically becomes dependent on that outside source of dopamine and stops producing the chemical on its own. So when you stop using heroin it takes a while for your body to start producing dopamine on its own again and up until your body balances out chemically, you experience that lack of dopamine as heroin withdrawal.

Interesting. I never would have thought that lack of dopamine makes you physically ill. Thanks for answering.

It's much more complicated than that, but dopamine is a driving factor.

[AceBoogie]

I don't know what you mean by "pretty addicted to heroin mentally" ? Can you expand?
To me, it seems impossible to imagine ever tying off your arm, and sticking a steel needle into your vein. But you seem to be implying that you were high on other drugs before injecting that first time. Were you taking heroin orally prior to injecting?

Since your kind enough and brave enough to share your experience, this idea of injecting is the one that most baffles me as to how anyone could do it under any circumstance. (excluding force, of course)

The same as being mentally addicted to cigarettes, shopping, pot, alcohol, etc. Even though I wasn't physically dependent on the substance I still had constant urges to use heroin. It went from me wanting heroin once every few months to every single day, multiple times a day.


when you're in the midst of abusing hard drugs your brain chemistry is drastically altered, even when you're not actively under the influence of the drugs. It changes your thinking and affects your ability to make sensible, safe decisions. So no, when I first injected heroin I wasn't high on anything. But prior to that I had been abusing heroin for maybe two years so I was not in any sort of position to make a smart decision about much of anything.

I was also well aware that injecting heroin produces a much more intense and immediate high than any other route of administration and at that time I think I was more focused on that than anything else.

Now, obviously, I see how insane it was.

It's much more complicated than that, but dopamine is a driving factor.

Yea I'll admit I'm not too educated on the biology of it.

It's also my understanding that your body has opiate receptors in the brain, spinal cord and other areas of the body. I'd be interested to hear a doctor or something explain exactly what happens when your body becomes dependent on opiates.

If anyone has a more informed view for catlady I'd be interested to hear about it as well

[LastPoet]

Interesting. I never would have thought that lack of dopamine makes you physically ill. Thanks for answering.

When that natural chemical in your brain starts to be force produced by your intake of drugs, you can only derive pleasure after using, eg being high. the brain can't produce enough dopamine to what you are used to. All life experiences feel dull if you are not in that high. you keep wanting to return to that state, hence the body develops the habit. It comes to a time you just want to feel not sick.

It took quite a while to be able to feel pleasure again, but everything has come to normal. I still have random dreams of using and I wake up in sweat, just about all.

I saw so much pain, death and filth for a lifetime, not going back there anytime soon.

[LastPoet]

Yeah, serotonin is also involved.