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I finally did it!
#11
RE: I finally did it!
It can be tough to be open like this with some families without starting fights. You're doing a great job. Keep it up!
I don't believe you. Get over it.
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#12
RE: I finally did it!
(April 15, 2017 at 12:48 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:
(April 15, 2017 at 12:43 pm)godlessheatheness Wrote: I can't think of a time when she wasn't a crazy Christian, My 2 uncles both have biblical names. She used to think the smurfs and snorks were evil. She's always been way out there.

Of course she doesn't get it. she is completely brainwashed to think that I am now going to hell.

I'm afraid you might just have to let this one go. I see little point in trying to change her, even to get her to understand. With mine, we came to an agreement that religion and politics would not be discussed. It was a compromise that worked, eventually, with a little enforcement on my part.

You're right. but there's no point in her trying to change my mind either. Won't stop her from trying.

(April 15, 2017 at 1:05 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:
(April 15, 2017 at 1:03 pm)godlessheatheness Wrote:  New message from her. 

Don't worry I watched the videos.

Time to unfriend grammy for a while? Start with a warning, if the behavior continues give grammy a enforced break.

Meh I'm not worried. She gives me a lot of comedy gold. we rarely talk. though I can promise I'll be receiving stuff in the mail from her soon.

my response.

Quote:I would like to politely disagree. I do not think that I am wrong. But you could say the same thing. I don't want to start anything with you guys. And I definitely don't want you to go out of your way to try and prove anything to me. I love you guys. and the last thing I want is a debate with my family. I have always felt like an outcast from your side of the family and now I've probably just set that in stone for the rest of my life. I love you the only difference now is I don't agree with you and I'm not afraid to say that out loud.

I feel a little nervous about saying that because my original thought was a lot meaner.
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#13
RE: I finally did it!
(April 15, 2017 at 1:03 pm)godlessheatheness Wrote:
Quote: would ask you to still watch the videos. . . . please. . . . you are wrong and I ask you to keep an open heart to God to show you His truth.
 New message from her. 

Don't worry I watched the videos.

(April 15, 2017 at 12:51 pm)Minimalist Wrote: As the saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family.  While true, you also have the option to ignore your family.

The problem here is that I love my family. they mean so much to me but religion has made them worse. made me not want to have anything to do with them.

It's your choice, of course.  Sounds as if they prefer their invisible friend to you, though.
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#14
RE: I finally did it!
Congratulations godless!

I cannot say I relate with this a whole lot because I was pretty much always open to everyone about being an atheist. At least the people in my family. But I am so glad you did this and I'm sure it feels much better to be open and honest with everyone. surprised your grandmother is the only one to reach out to you honestly.

It's always funny to me when I hear about situations like this where friends or family will reach out, so concerned, telling you to rethink your decision and this and that... as if you've suddenly come up with some new religion or something. It's like, no, I don't have new beliefs I just realize that I never really believed in that stuff in the first place.

It's more of a realization about your self then some new decision you're making. The only decision involved is simply sharing your newfound epiphany with those you love. Are you gonna block grandma?!
“Love is the only bow on Life’s dark cloud. It is the morning and the evening star. It shines upon the babe, and sheds its radiance on the quiet tomb. It is the mother of art, inspirer of poet, patriot and philosopher.

It is the air and light of every heart – builder of every home, kindler of every fire on every hearth. It was the first to dream of immortality. It fills the world with melody – for music is the voice of love.

Love is the magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to Joy, and makes royal kings and queens of common clay. It is the perfume of that wondrous flower, the heart, and without that sacred passion, that divine swoon, we are less than beasts; but with it, earth is heaven, and we are gods.” - Robert. G. Ingersoll


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#15
RE: I finally did it!
(April 15, 2017 at 11:02 pm)AceBoogie Wrote: Congratulations godless!

I cannot say I relate with this a whole lot because I was pretty much always open to everyone about being an atheist. At least the people in my family. But I am so glad you did this and I'm sure it feels much better to be open and honest with everyone. surprised your grandmother is the only one to reach out to you honestly.

It's always funny to me when I hear about situations like this where friends or family will reach out, so concerned, telling you to rethink your decision and this and that... as if you've suddenly come up with some new religion or something. It's like, no, I don't have new beliefs I just realize that I never really believed in that stuff in the first place.

It's more of a realization about your self then some new decision you're making. The only decision involved is simply sharing your newfound epiphany with those you love. Are you gonna block grandma?!

I'm not going to block her unless she crosses a line. I do love her.

Don't worry My dad is steeping right now, the storm is coming. I'm sure I'll get an earful at some point from just about everyone.
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#16
RE: I finally did it!
godlessheatheness Wrote:My goal was to not start an argument but to explain myself.

You are very wise, and IMO, that is a very good way to approach difficult conversations that have the potential to produce conflict.  IMO, when delivering a no,  explaining how one feels and sees things rather than focusing on what the other person says or thinks, helps make your "no" less of a rejection and more of a clarification of your feelings, values, and interests. Hence, this often increases the likelihood of people coming to terms with our nos and eventually accepting them.  

With that said, good luck, and I hope that your family will respect your decision.  Live long and prosper.











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#17
RE: I finally did it!
Good for you and your coming out party! It's not an easy decision.

I've had the conversation you're having with your family. No correct answers but lots to consider.

Direct argument - ends up getting emotional, then personal, then smoldering bridges.

Patronizing - the Irish way - say something obsequious or something pithy to communicate your unwillingness to discuss the topic. Then again, you did post to FB, so....

Be yourself. What is the goal - what do you really want to say? Maybe construct your narrative backwards. Start with the end and work back to lay out your arguments.

Be thoughtful and good luck.
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#18
RE: I finally did it!
I try to remember the law of charity on the posts that show up in my timeline. If there's more than one way to interpret a comment, I try to give the benefit of the doubt and assume the nicest possible one, especially from relatives.

I didn't think my Mom's side of the family was paying attention to my FB posts until I showed a pic of me and my Meetup Group in front of our 'Don't believe? You're not alone.' billboard. I got a 'I can't support this', responded with 'am I still welcome to visit?' and got a 'sure, of course'. That went a lot better than I imagined it would. I'm pretty sure that side of the family are universally Trump fans.
I'm not anti-Christian. I'm anti-stupid.
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#19
RE: I finally did it!
Well, congratulations. I suppose it's probably like taking off a band-aid. Just get it over with fast.

It's stories like these that make me appreciate how liberal my family is. One day on the way to church when I was fifteen I told my parents that I didn't believe and shouldn't be forced to go to church. There was a bit of a heated debate, and that was it. I never had to go to church again, and it was never discussed.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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#20
RE: I finally did it!
I'm pretty sure my whole family knows now. it's funny how one little statement spreads in my family. I suspect they're planning a conversation. :/
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