Could really use some help on how to tell family...

[freemike]

Hope this is in the right forum but I have been battling this the last 4 years and it's wearing me down, I'm 24. Well just to give some background. I was raised southern baptist by my mother, my father was a sinner until I was 16 and appears to have returned that way but we don't talk about god. My mother has always tied god into everything. Like certain things that seem completely and is really illogical to connect she will with god. Like the reason my last relationship did not work out is because I had sex with the girl once 4 months before she showed she couldn't be trusted and didn't respect me. Well you two had sex, god just wasn't going to bless that. I'm like really WTF, I pretty much just got cheated on and you want to throw that crap in my face. This just really proves to me how inconsiderate and how messed up christians can be. I'm sitting there hurting and she wants to throw up something that happened 4 months ago in my face. My father he lets me be myself and make my own decisions without criticizing me and will catch me when I fall and tell me to keep my head up and keep moving. I'm not so concerned about telling him as I am my mother. Like she doesn't even think I should be trying to date, until I get things with god worked out. Wow, this sounds so pathetic, I'm 24 and my mother still tries to run my life. I still live with them while I'm working on getting through school and the girl that I thought was the one didn't work out, and I had to limp back home after she got done with me lol. I just wish my mother respected me as a person. I guess in writing this out I have realized that is probably the major issue here. All my friends, co-workers, and pretty much everyone knows I'm an atheist except my family and even extended family. I just don't know how to tell them, or to get my mother to respect me?


Sorry this turned into a rant/life story. Though just writing this down has helped as I finally realize a big issue about this is my mother respecting me as my friends have told me before.

[Minimalist]

Like she doesn't even think I should be trying to date, until I get things with god worked out.

O-kay...well, look. The first thing you have to understand is that anyone who could make such an asinine comment is waaayyy too far gone for you to deal with rationally. What she needs is professional psychological therapy to find out why she feels her life is so worthless that she has to invent an invisible sky-daddy to get validation for her existence? I get the sense that you are not studying psychology so you are out of your league.

You need to find a way to release the pressure that is building up in you in a controlled manner or else one day you are going to explode and find yourself screaming

"BLOW JESUS OUT YOUR ASS, MOM!


Mothers hate it when that happens.

[freemike]

Well I must admit I got a laugh out of that. Though it's true, because over the last few days I have had to just walk away from her, so I didn't just go on a rant with her. Most of the time when she brings up "god" or how I should incorporate the idea of god with my life, I usually just nod and go um yeah I'll think about that. Which I don't but it keeps her quiet for awhile but I really wish I knew how to get her to just let me be myself, not try to shove religion down my throat, and respect my beliefs. Though I realize some of the fault is on my part because I haven't told her. I'm thinking about just wait for her to bring up "god" again and just calmly give her my honest opinion and beliefs? Though when I say atheist, she will automatically lump me in with the devil worshipers of the world.

Edit:
Nope not doing psychology, going to be a surgical tech, then nursing school. Which my mother in her scary views doesn't feel that non christians should be working in the medical field (people will die), educational (children need to be taught about god), or government (country will fail). So she will probably tell me that I need to choose a different path because everyone I deal with will die since their caretaker doesn't believe in god. The only reason I bring this up is so before anyone else answers they know what I am facing here.

[theVOID]

Just go: "Mum, I've read all the arguments and seen debates by the best of the best of the world's theists, and if they can't convince me that a God exists, there is no way that you are going to, so just let it go"

[Beam Reach]

Hope this is in the right forum but I have been battling this the last 4 years and it's wearing me down, I'm 24. Well just to give some background. I was raised southern baptist by my mother, my father was a sinner until I was 16 and appears to have returned that way but we don't talk about god. My mother has always tied god into everything. Like certain things that seem completely and is really illogical to connect she will with god. Like the reason my last relationship did not work out is because I had sex with the girl once 4 months before she showed she couldn't be trusted and didn't respect me. Well you two had sex, god just wasn't going to bless that. I'm like really WTF, I pretty much just got cheated on and you want to throw that crap in my face. This just really proves to me how inconsiderate and how messed up christians can be. I'm sitting there hurting and she wants to throw up something that happened 4 months ago in my face. My father he lets me be myself and make my own decisions without criticizing me and will catch me when I fall and tell me to keep my head up and keep moving. I'm not so concerned about telling him as I am my mother. Like she doesn't even think I should be trying to date, until I get things with god worked out. Wow, this sounds so pathetic, I'm 24 and my mother still tries to run my life. I still live with them while I'm working on getting through school and the girl that I thought was the one didn't work out, and I had to limp back home after she got done with me lol. I just wish my mother respected me as a person. I guess in writing this out I have realized that is probably the major issue here. All my friends, co-workers, and pretty much everyone knows I'm an atheist except my family and even extended family. I just don't know how to tell them, or to get my mother to respect me?


Sorry this turned into a rant/life story. Though just writing this down has helped as I finally realize a big issue about this is my mother respecting me as my friends have told me before.

Set limits with your Mon, give her the reasons you are not christian and end the conversation. She will never agree with you, and the results of your comment will result in an assault on any logic you used to explain your view. It is best to make your statement and tell her it is not a subject you will debate with her. People who use religion to blame everything on are not going to change, and your only option is to set these boundaries and limit access to your personal religious views. I think at 24 she needs to be out of you sex life, as well. The causes of failed relationships are none of her business, and discussing this with her is something you need to recognize as a poor decision. You are an adult at 24, and the responsibilities you assume as an adult require you come to grips with your own issues related to relationships. It is best to accept the breakup as a joint problem between adults, solve the problems you had in the relationship, and recognize the problems of the other person so you won’t make them in your next relationship. Than move on and find someone new.
With your Dad, I would limit the religious talks with him to the same statement you used on your mother. It is best to recognize he is living in his own hell with a person who links everything on her mythical gods, and sees sex as something god oversees.

[freemike]

Set limits with your Mon, give her the reasons you are not christian and end the conversation. She will never agree with you, and the results of your comment will result in an assault on any logic you used to explain your view. It is best to make your statement and tell her it is not a subject you will debate with her. People who use religion to blame everything on are not going to change, and your only option is to set these boundaries and limit access to your personal religious views. I think at 24 she needs to be out of you sex life, as well. The causes of failed relationships are none of her business, and discussing this with her is something you need to recognize as a poor decision. You are an adult at 24, and the responsibilities you assume as an adult require you come to grips with your own issues related to relationships. It is best to accept the breakup as a joint problem between adults, solve the problems you had in the relationship, and recognize the problems of the other person so you won’t make them in your next relationship. Than move on and find someone new.
With your Dad, I would limit the religious talks with him to the same statement you used on your mother. It is best to recognize he is living in his own hell with a person who links everything on her mythical gods, and sees sex as something god oversees.

Thanks for the advice and yeah the relationship thing we got straight. She basically accepted the fact that we don't agree on that and at this point she just doesn't want to know lol. Maybe the "god" subject will be the same as well, one could only hope but I doubt it. TBH, with my dad I'll probably say I'm atheist and he will go okay if that's who you want to be, lets go to the barn and grab a beer. My parents are like polar opposites, noone that knows me and them can see how they have lasted 30 years.

[Minimalist]

So she will probably tell me that I need to choose a different path because everyone I deal with will die since their caretaker doesn't believe in god.

Everyone will die whether they believe in her fucking god or not. Surely she has noticed that her god-believing family and friends occasionally drop dead in spite of their silly beliefs?


Or perhaps not? These people can be really far gone.

[downbeatplumb]

I know, anounce loudly that your gay then after a moments pause say, "not really, I'm an Atheist"
The relief might cancel out the shock.(just to add, I have nothing against gay people, but have it on good authority that some god botherers do)

[Jaysyn]

I know, anounce loudly that your gay then after a moments pause say, "not really, I'm an Atheist"
The relief might cancel out the shock.(just to add, I have nothing against gay people, but have it on good authority that some god botherers do)

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!

[Eilonnwy]

Will you get kicked out for being an atheist? That's an important thing to consider, because if you think you might, then you'll want to wait till you're living on your own.

It's hard to give advice with such little information. My family is liberal Catholic. I rebelled against the idea of God when I was 14 and they fought me for a little then gave up. Clearly not the same circumstance as you.

If everyone does know except your family, you run the risk of them finding out second hand and that can be an issue.

Ultimately, you need to decide what is best for you. If you listen to the Atheist Experience, the host Matt Dilahunty comes from a baptist family, and has to deal with his parents pressing the God issue. He managed to mostly get them to have a sort of truce by proposing this compromise:

They believe in a God that answers prayers and this God must know what it would take for him to believe in God. So please stop talking about God and instead pray for me that God will reveal himself and provide what he requires to believe.

It generally works. They of course will mention God in the conversationally way, but as an atheist sometimes you just got to bite your tongue. It's not worth it.

I know, anounce loudly that your gay then after a moments pause say, "not really, I'm an Atheist"
The relief might cancel out the shock.(just to add, I have nothing against gay people, but have it on good authority that some god botherers do)

You got that from Pat Condell, and in some cases people might see being gay as better than an atheist.
My family didn't give a rats ass about me being bi, but there was some arguing over the atheism.