Gift Registry

[vorlon13]

LOL, haven't led the sort of life that garnered me very many wedding invitations,

-however-

an invite turned up recently.  Distant relative (groom) and someone I helped to remodel his house. Not sure if I've met the bride, woman in that age graphic engaged to young men in that age bracket don't have much chance of being people I find memorable.

Anyhow, I don't mind the invite, I have copious excuses to miss the actual service (possibly religious, they are doing it in a church) and wedding receptions since I've been in 12 Steppers just vex and annoy me.

The big deal, for me at least, is the gift registry.  I know they are extremely efficient in getting stuff the couple wants onto the gift table.  But sheesh, begging for boodle?  And telling me where to buy it, egad !!

So, they are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond and a furniture retailer.  I picked  out a large kitchen pot,  (Calphalon) and I even have one and actually use it and like it.  Good cooking item, and I don't begrudge them having it.

-however-

I was perusing the lists, and I see another negative to a gift registry.  For starters, her choice in colors for the plates and such is definitely out of style.  They have both picked some items that are particularly low rated by Consumer Reports, and I thought the lists were VERY extensive.  They won't want for anything, as near as I can tell.  

A nice thing was I was able to make the purchase on-line, and use Pay Pal.  I'm happy to not waste any time at all running around looking for stuff.

I'll admit, usually for a wedding I don't want to attend, I just send a check.  Not sure why I bothered to even check the registry this time, but there we are.  I guess being a team player this occasion is a decent place to be.  

And having said that, why bother with a registry, can't the social convention be that pretty much everyone sends a check, and then the couple can go get what they want?

[Losty]

A lot of people feel more comfortable giving someone a gift rather than giving them money. I think the best thing about registries is it helps prevent the new couple from getting the same gift from more than one person.

[Minimalist]

possibly religious, they are doing it in a church

That is usually a dead giveaway, all right!

[Losty]

possibly religious, they are doing it in a church

That is usually a dead giveaway, all right!

Really? I think a lot of people have non religious weddings in churches. Most weddings I've been to have been non religious. I mean...the people are Christians and the wedding is in a church but that's all the religion that's there. No sermons or prayers or anything.

[Minimalist]

the people are Christians and the wedding is in a church

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and swims like a duck, it's a fucking duck.

[Joods]

Registries are nice, but they are kind of a spoiler too as the couple can frequently "check" it to see what's been purchased for them on that list. It may not tell them who bought specific items, but it sorta takes away from the surprise of gift giving. For me - cold hard cash will do just fine. At my age (not that it'll ever happen) but most couples have to pay their own wedding expenses anyway. Why not ask for cash and ease the stress on the couple's bank account? Most couples are already living together by this time now anyways and have most things they need. The wants should be few. Just my opinion on that though. I've been shacked up with Rob now for over four years and the majority of stuff that we have is what I brought with me from my house once it got sold. Seriously, we want for nothing - except cash. We like the green stuff.

On another note... some couples do a charity thing instead. I did that one year for my birthday. Instead of gifts, I asked that everyone make a donation to GKTW (Give Kids The World). They are an amazing place that we stayed at for my oldest's Make a Wish trip. They are 100% volunteer run and they help thousands of kids each year get their wishes. My kiddo even has a gold star with her name on it, on the ceiling of the Castle of Miracles there. Fascinating place. I cried a lot while I was there.

Anyway, one of my family members donated enough money so that my daughter's name got engraved on a brick and was made into part of their sidewalk and she was listed as a donor. So there's always that option too for couples who already seem to have everything.

And please don't get me started on china and "silver"ware. Never owned it and I have zero desire to have dust catchers that only get used once or twice a year. I like my everyday scratched up plates from Walmart and my "diner-type" cutlery from Sam's club. They work just fine.

[vorlon13]

The couple is already living together, but to my mind, not for that long to be getting married. His dad is pretty unreligious, I don't know about the bride. I suppose groom will tag along to keep her satisfied.

The help I gave with their house was for free. I just consulted, but got them on the right track on getting the wiring updated and straightened out. He had some 'quaint' ideas how he wanted it, but I got him on the right track. Old fuse box was in a bedroom behind a 'decorative' wood panel. He wanted it moved over to adjacent utility room, but it was very tight with furnace and water heater. I suggested a garage location, and went over advantages for that; real easy to get new heavier lead in wire there, proximity to kitchen, above utility room (and other side of that wall) so easy to connect everything there, ease of 240 service to garage for air compressor, power tools, welder. I think that last one was the clincher as he never gave power in garage a thought and he was going to set up a work area there.

By taking fuse box out of prior location, that room is more comfortably an extra bedroom instead of an inconveniently located basement entrance mud/coat room too. I don't know if they did this, but the living room needed new drywall on the ceiling and I suggested leaving old drywall up there, patching it to make it level, then installing track for tracklights, and then drywalling up to the tracks, partially concealing them. (It won't pass code inspection without drywall beneath the tracks) They wanted a 'different' look with recessed can lights, and with the wacky framing in the attic and the existing ducting, working out the geometry for a reasonable pattern for the can lights didn't look feasible.

I got a kick out of the gift registry for the furniture place, accessories and even wall art were copious for a house with many windows and a fantastic forest view that seems to me to negate the need for art. Lawn furniture was a hoot too.

[brewer]

A lot of people feel more comfortable giving someone a gift rather than giving them money. I think the best thing about registries is it helps prevent the new couple from getting the same gift from more than one person.

Weddings are a pain in the ass. Wedding gifts an even bigger pain. Having to return a duplicate is payback.

[vorlon13]

LOL !!

And another curse of wedding presents:

YOU CAN NEVER GET RID OF THEM !!!

My house, for instance, I have a waffle iron from the 1940s (!!) and since it was a wedding present for dear old mom and dad, can't get rid of it. Same with a toaster (it actually makes good toast, the waffle iron, OTOH, is a piece of crap). Somewhere I have a set of mixing bowls that supposedly are worth some serious $$ on Ebay, but I have to find them to make sure.

There's a mixer in the basement, not sure if it's a wedding present or not, but it still works, but it is REALLY ancient. Maybe it was granny's ??

[mlmooney89]

Ohhhhhh don't get me started on registries!!! I am 100% against them and find them extremely tacky. My family HATES when they are brought up around me because the first thing out of my mouth (and they mock me for this) is "Miss Manners says..."

---

Ok nvm it's too late. I'm started. Lol

First off a wedding present should be a pleasant surprise- NOT expected. By signing up for a registry you are essentially saying "When you get us a present, and we expect it, buy it here for this price and mark it off our list." Second you are also saying hey I'm inviting you to this special day and the price of coming is to buy all my new stuff that I want. Decorate my house... but with only the stuff I pick out.

Oh two people got you the same thing? You POOR newly wed couple with all your other new stuff. I'm sure it is SO difficult to write a lovely thank you note to each person that gave it to you and pretend that it was the only one and the best gift ever. I'm sure it is so hard to donate one of the two things to someone else or to a thrift store. What but then you would be down the money they spent on it? IT WAS A FUCKING GIFT you didn't lose shit on it and you still have one in your house so that if either person comes over you can still show it off. If you are to be so cheap and return it neither person should ever get wind of it, because remember they should never know there were duplicate gifts, then hey you get free money out of it. The price of taking it all the way back to the store is worth free fucking money.

And this isn't a registry gripe but just greedy people in general irritating me. On the other hand of people who register are those that specifically ask for only cash. What is this a pay at the door event? You are making a cover charge for the wedding just like everyone else but congrats you are being more blunt about it.

I do know people EXPECT registries now a days so when I got married last September and just about everyone was harassing us on what we wanted gift wise we finally relented and said we would like a family recipe so we can create a personal cookbook. We provided the recipe cards there at the wedding and the guests felt like they were giving us something worth giving. The notes on the recipes was doubly special over the real gifts we got. There was one recipe from my boss that said it was the first thing she ever made her husband after they were married 45 years ago! Another from my god mother was a recipe for a good marriage based on her own 35 year marriage. Stuff like that is so much better, why would you ask for things off a list? Oh yeah, people are greedy >.>