Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: November 24, 2024, 2:24 am
Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#1
The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 14, 2017 at 11:02 pm (This post was last modified: October 14, 2017 at 11:03 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
God was having sex with a volcano one day with his gigantic penis when he suddenly felt like plowing into Mary (and she remains a virgin after because sex with celestial beings doesn't count)

God gets way ahead of himself and starts asking Mary for advice on what they should call their son at the same time as he penetrates her. God is always getting way ahead of himself like that. He gets confused about when the right time to say things because all that being outside of space and time lark makes him rather tipsy.

"WHAT SHOULD WE CALL OUR SON MARY??!?!" shouts God psychotically as he snorts cocaine and invents the dinosaurs, galaxies and Martians all at once whilst he fiddles between different time periods.

In goes the boner.

"JESUS CHRIST!" shouts Mary.

"I like it" says God.

The end.

Already more clearly written than the whole Bible.

P.S. I love how mature I am.
Find
Reply
Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
*****
Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation: 156
#2
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 14, 2017 at 11:26 pm
"That's always struck me as peculiar."
-"What has?"
"Why did they call that kid 'Jesus Christ'? Might as well have called him 'bloody hell' or something!"

--Smith and Jones, head-to-head
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Find
Reply
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#3
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 12:03 am
LOL!!!!
Find
Reply
Patrick33 Offline
Newbie
*
Religious Views: atheist
Posts: 37
Threads: 1
Joined: July 26, 2016
Reputation: 0
#4
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 1:34 am
Nice.
One for the memory bank...
Find
Reply
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
*****
Religious Views: n/a
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation: 111
#5
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 5:05 am
Who was Herbet then? God father?
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Find
Reply
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#6
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 3:40 pm (This post was last modified: October 15, 2017 at 4:38 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
(October 15, 2017 at 5:05 am)ignoramus Wrote: Who was Herbet then?

One of my granddads. Apparently his nickname was "lemon sherbet"
Find
Reply
vorlon13 Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: agnostic 12 stepper
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation: 92
#7
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 3:58 pm (This post was last modified: October 15, 2017 at 3:58 pm by vorlon13.)
Still think God missed an opportunity to form Jesus of the dust of the ground and imbue him with His mighty nostrils His essence of being as Himself and as His son and as His undefined relationship with the Holy Ghost.

Why muck about with a vagina and placenta and cervical mucus and amniotic fluid and Joseph eventually depositing his second rate spooj in a sacred flower pot ?
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




Find
Reply
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#8
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 4:39 pm
(October 15, 2017 at 3:58 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: Why muck about with a vagina and placenta and cervical mucus and amniotic fluid and Joseph eventually depositing his second rate spooj in a sacred flower pot ?

I bet God is a really lousy gynaecologist.
Find
Reply
vorlon13 Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: agnostic 12 stepper
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation: 92
#9
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 4:43 pm
like Joseph would have dared to peek in the shrine . . .
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




Find
Reply
Brian37 Offline
RationalPoet
*****
Religious Views: JGH 1933-2017 RIP MOM
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation: 71
#10
RE: The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name
October 15, 2017 at 5:08 pm
You are FAR more mature than the people who wrote it and the gullible people who still buy it.
Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37  I also have a new blog here at https://www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
The True Tale of How Jesus Christ Got His Name

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  What would be your papal name? Fake Messiah 46 6114 December 10, 2020 at 5:15 am
Last Post: zebo-the-fat
  I got a simulated Fleck BrianSoddingBoru4 2 342 August 4, 2020 at 7:45 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  I got a stimulating chick. Gawdzilla Sama 0 297 August 4, 2020 at 6:53 pm
Last Post: Gawdzilla Sama
  Why did I (an atheist) legally change my name to "Dog"? ignoramus 13 1578 July 13, 2020 at 4:28 pm
Last Post: A. Secular Human
  He Invested his life in a pig farm. Brian37 9 1558 December 28, 2019 at 11:01 pm
Last Post: Brian37
  My cab driver...... True story today.... Brian37 4 550 February 22, 2019 at 5:19 pm
Last Post: Brian37
  Spell your last name please.... Brian37 9 1847 October 12, 2018 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: Fireball
  Cheez-its Christ LadyForCamus 2 323 August 6, 2018 at 12:09 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Daily Show guest gives 45 new nick name. Brian37 1 493 July 16, 2018 at 11:22 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  I finally got a sign from Jesus! ignoramus 10 1048 June 18, 2018 at 4:19 am
Last Post: ignoramus



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)