Australia

[Haipule]

If you've every seen a duckbill platypus you would know that God has a sense of humor. It was late on a Friday night and God said, "lets just go with what we got and call it a day".

Then there's the echidna which looks cuddly but has long fingernails growing all over it's body. Both the platypus and the echidna are the only monotremes(egg laying mammal) on the planet.

Then there's the wombats, kangaroos, fucking kookaburras(coo coo birds) which I hate! You ask "why?" Can you imagine what it's like to listen to hundreds of those birds on the wires and in the trees which all sound like children laughing right outside your bedroom window in the morning when you want to sleep in!

Then there's the wallabies, devils and a hideous creature(now extinct since the 1930's but sightings are still reported) known as a Thylacine called a Tasmanian Tiger:







This thing was a marsupial! 

Now, why are all the weirdest damn critters on the planet all in Australia? None of these things were on the ark! How did they get there? And why were they all in one of the last places ever discovered on earth? Was someone hiding them there?

The people of Australia eat yeast extracts known as marmite, promite and vegemite loaded with vitamin "B" which gives them superpowers! I lived there for a year and somehow I escaped with my life! There are a couple of other strange creatures down under. One is called The Valkyrie and the other is called The Little Lunch! There are others!



Guess which one is the Australian?

Yea this alleged "God" has such a sense of humor he also allows cancer and eboli too. Fun when kids die from disease isn't it?

The duckbill platypus looks the way it does because of evolution, not comic book cosmic sky hero.

But sure, they do have some noisy birds there. My friend Bob, lives in Brisbane, and before he went to a nursing home, I would skype chat him and those birds would drown him out sometimes. I am visiting him in Feb, I hope my hotel isn't surrounded by those noisy birds.

Australia also has very dangerous microscopic jellyfish as poisonous as a rattle snake. They have another type of aggressive beach snake that will chase you not run away.

People often ask me about surfing and say, "Aren't you afraid of sharks?" I reply, "There are about a hundred things out there that can kill." "The least likely is a shark". Let's not forget the saltwater crocodile!

[Succubus]

...Australia also has very dangerous microscopic jellyfish as poisonous as a rattle snake. They have another type of aggressive beach snake that will chase you not run away.

When I was working in Australia I devised a good rule of thumb regarding the critters; If it moves its probably poisonous, if it doesn’t move its probably poisonous. There's even poisonous birds an Australia for fuck sake!

[The Valkyrie]

...Australia also has very dangerous microscopic jellyfish as poisonous as a rattle snake. They have another type of aggressive beach snake that will chase you not run away.

When I was working in Australia I devised a good rule of thumb regarding the critters; If it moves its probably poisonous, if it doesn’t move its probably poisonous. There's even poisonous birds an Australia for fuck sake!

Ever been growled at by an angry koala?

[Succubus]

When I was working in Australia I devised a good rule of thumb regarding the critters; If it moves its probably poisonous, if it doesn’t move its probably poisonous. There's even poisonous birds an Australia for fuck sake!

Ever been growled at by an angry koala?

I've been mauled by a Dropbear.

True dat.

[Little lunch]

When I was working in Australia I devised a good rule of thumb regarding the critters; If it moves its probably poisonous, if it doesn’t move its probably poisonous. There's even poisonous birds an Australia for fuck sake!

Ever been growled at by an angry koala?

I misread this at first and thought you were an even sicker puppy than I realised. :-)

---

Ever been growled at by an angry koala?

I misread this at first and thought you were an even sicker puppy than I realised. :-)

I came across a large male on the road one night so I doubled back to scare him off into the bush.
I got out of my car and clapped my hands, hissing at him.
He growled, my legs went to jelly and I almost shit me pants.
Don't misread that line Beccs. :-)

[The Valkyrie]

...Australia also has very dangerous microscopic jellyfish as poisonous as a rattle snake. They have another type of aggressive beach snake that will chase you not run away.

When I was working in Australia I devised a good rule of thumb regarding the critters; If it moves its probably poisonous, if it doesn’t move its probably poisonous. There's even poisonous birds an Australia for fuck sake!

Death held out a hand. I WANT, he said, A BOOK ABOUT THE DANGEROUS CREATURES OF FOURECKS-

Albert looked up and dived for cover, receiving only mild bruising because he had the foresight to curl into a ball.

After a while Death, his voice a little muffled, said: ALBERT, I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND HERE.

Albert scrambled up and pulled at some of the huge volumes, finally dislodging enough of them for his master to clamber free.

HMM... Death picked up a book at random and read the cover. "DANGEROUS MAMMALS, REPTILES, AMPHIBIANS, BIRDS, FISH, JELLYFISH, INSECTS, SPIDERS, CRUSTACEANS, GRASSES, TREES, MOSSES, AND LICHENS OF TERROR INCOGNITA, " he read. His gaze moved down the spine. VOLUME 29C, he added. OH. PART THREE, I SEE.

He glanced up at the listening shelves. POSSIBLY IT WOULD BE SIMPLER IF I ASKED FOR A LIST OF THE HARMLESS CREATURES OF THE AFORESAID CONTINENT?

They waited.

IT WOULD APPEAR THAT-

"No, wait master. Here it comes."

Albert pointed to something white zigzagging lazily through the air. Finally Death reached up an caught the single sheet of paper.

He read it carefully and then turned it over briefly just in case anything was written on the other side.

"May I?" said Albert. Death handed him the paper.

"'Some of the sheep, '" Albert read aloud. "Oh, well. Maybe a week at the seaside'd be better, then."

[The Valkyrie]

Ever been growled at by an angry koala?

I misread this at first and thought you were an even sicker puppy than I realised. :-)

---

I misread this at first and thought you were an even sicker puppy than I realised. :-)

I came across a large male on the road one night so I doubled back to scare him off into the bush.
I got out of my car and clapped my hands, hissing at him.
He growled, my legs went to jelly and I almost shit me pants.
Don't misread that line Beccs. :-)

You asked to see his growler, didn't you?

[c172]

Awww, geez. So much for a nap.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_brown_snake

[The Valkyrie]

Here's one for you.

https://australianmuseum.net.au/drop-bear

[c172]

Oh, and this sonofabitch right. In. Sydney.
http://www.bigsoccer.com/threads/cpc-796...t-36163938