Having such a hard time in High School right now

[Distheist]

I'm a male Freshmen in High School having a really hard time with making friendships.  I've always had a hard time connecting and opening up with people and being plain lonely but its been getting really bad this year.

I live in a Suburb in Grand Rapids, Michigan and also happen to be Gay and an atheist. and I hate it. I hate how people treat me. It's not just because I'm an Atheist or Gay, it's me. They treat me like crap for no reason. I've been spit on in a crowded area in the school just for laughs, I've been taunted at, I take choir and all the boys in my section sit away from me because they don't like me leaving me to sit in my own row, Boys will falsely report me for sexual harassment to the administration for the fun of it, I sit all alone at a lunch table table during lunch, a group of students during PE class will target me and throw dodge balls at me as hard as they can, locker rooms are a horror story, I can't even change in one without being harassed that I'm looking at boys in it. AND I JUST take it all. It's just so humiliating to be treated like this and not do anything. Sometimes it makes me just wanna climb onto my bed and cry for a few hours.

I'm not a horrible person, I get good grades, but i can never maintain a good friendship for long. The area i live around 75% of students go to Church, which is absolutely fine with me, but does result in a culture clash in between me and the majority of the students in my school. I also am not interested at all in dating, which is again absolutely fine if they're doing it, but i just believe the chance of meeting someone i want to spend the rest of my life with and meeting them in high school is so slim.

[vulcanlogician]

It will get better. Hang in there. High school sucked for me too. College is a whole different ballgame.

I'm sure you'll have some good times in high school too, though. Try not to let it get to you.

[Distheist]

It will get better. Hang in there. High school sucked for me too. Collage is a whole different ballgame.

I'm sure you'll have some good times in high school too, though. Try not to let it get to you

But that's the thing, it won't. I'm such an awkward mess with social interaction and I hate how fake people can be, Life to me isn't about watching some crappy reality tv show or looking at some snotty girl's photo on snapchat or whatever the hell the new social media platform is right now, I want people that desire true connection and not a shallow construct of being.

The other thing that irritates me is how unemphatic people are. Yes i am a bit flamboyant, but my life doesn't just revolve around the fact that I'm gay. I don't want to be a Gay Best Friend, I don't wanna be some random girl's status symbol that doesn't even care about how i feel. 

 I want to be a stage actor but feel i won't make it, which means i'll also be poor and unhappy. I know i have to have a positive attitude or I'm dooming my self to fail. I'm a committed person, I've been a vegetarian for years, Always stick to my personal thoughts than the herd, and I love nature, traveling, and art.

[vulcanlogician]

"He who seeks, easily gets lost. All loneliness is guilt"—thus speaks the herd. And you have long belonged to the herd. The voice of the herd will still be audible in you. And when you will say, "I no longer have a common conscience with you," it will be a lament and an agony. Behold, this agony itself was born of the common conscience, and the last glimmer of that conscience still glows on your affliction.

But do you want to go the way of your affliction, which is the way to yourself? Then show me your right and your strength to do so. Are you a new strength and a new right? A first movement? A self-propelled wheel? Can you compel the very stars to revolve around you?

I don't know if this helps or not, but I thought it was pretty cool. It's about the perils of nonconformity. 

Edit: Basically sometimes the things that seem like weaknesses and cause you much grief, turn out to be strengths.

[Catholic_Lady]

As far as the spitting and harassment go, report them at school for bullying. No one should have to take that sort of treatment.

For making friends, join some sort of club or sport. I ran cross country in high school and loved it. Everyone on my team was super nice and accepting. Is that something you'd wanna do?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[AFTT47]

As far as the spitting and harassment go, report them at school for bullying. No one should have to take that sort of treatment.

We are in total agreement here. No one should have to go through that - but they do - and the schools don't care. The public school system is absolutely apathetic to the bullying issue. They completely blow it off as "kids being kids." It's disgusting and shameful.

I am a victim of the same shit. I'm not gay but I'm different in just about every other way. I was a target too. I got through it but it made me hyper-sensitive to bullying as an adult. All it takes now is some asshole blowing his horn at me and I will accelerate in front of him, flip him off and slam on my brakes. Anybody fucks with me now and I will go down their throat. I wouldn't be surprised if it gets me killed eventually or I kill them or cause an accident that kills someone else.

I am a gentle person at heart and would prefer not to cause any pain of any kind to anyone. But my experience with bullying as a child has made me a powder keg as an adult. Anybody fucking with me or disrespecting me better be ready to defend themselves. I'm not entirely rational in that area and it's because of what I suffered as a child.

I totally empathize with the hell the OP is going through but I don't know what to offer than to respond to violence with violence. Even though you may get your ass beat, punch the bastards in the face. Hurt them as much as you can. They will respect you quickly and back off. That's all they will respect.

[Catholic_Lady]

Bullies suck

[Silver]

High school is the worst. You're more mature than them, and that is offputting for them.

I can't say I ever experienced bullying, I was lucky enough to grow up in a town where it literally didn't exist.

I wish I had some sort of advice to help you, but I don't.