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Born in the wrong country
#1
Born in the wrong country
I was born in India 28 years ago and lived almost my entire childhood in a city called Bangalore in a state called Karnataka. The local language in Karnataka is Kannada, a language I still cannot speak and can only barely understand. At home, I spoke English and Malayalam; the latter is a language spoken in another Indian state called Kerala, which is where my parents are from. That's right, every state in India has its own language; how convenient is that! Since I lived in a state where I didn’t speak the local language, I never fit in: I couldn’t communicate with 80% of the residents and was probably regarded as an outsider by them. When I was in the third grade, I used to watch a TV show called Small Wonder where everyone, literally everyone, spoke English. It was then that I decided that I would immigrate to an English speaking country someday.

As a child, I was physically abused by my mother, since unfortunately corporal punishment is legal in India. My mother pretty much destroyed my childhood, making me memorize verbatim notes that the teacher would give in class. I used to come first in every exam in school, despite the fact that I really wasn’t learning much. In grade 10, I developed OCD and depression and in grade 12 I had what can be best described as a psychiatric breakdown. My parents decided to involuntarily hospitalize me during a big fight at home, so after the hospitalization, I had OCD, depression, insomnia and PTSD, the latter resulting from excessive force used during this hospitalization. It would not be an exaggeration to say that this involuntary hospitalization destroyed my life; I spent the next 5 years at home doing pretty much nothing. I have now been told by my psychiatrists at Canada that my mother’s childhood abuse is probably responsible for my bipolar disorder (forgot to mention that I’ve been diagnosed with that as well!) and OCD; I was told that I perform the rituals of my OCD because I’m still afraid of defying my mother, as I have internalized her.

I have now simultaneously resumed my education and immigrated to an English-speaking country as I always wanted to; I’ve lived in Canada for the past few years.

The mean IQ in India is 82.5. I study undergraduate mathematics, so my IQ is probably closer to 110. I would like to exemplify the brilliance of a few Indians:
  1. In 2012, my parents and I were at an appointment with an Indian therapist and I told him that I was still upset about my parents involuntarily hospitalizing me when I was in grade 12. This therapist accused me of “bullying” my parents and got into a verbal fight with me.
  2. In 2017, when my father told my Indian psychiatrist that I’ve been distant towards my parents since the involuntary hospitalization, she said “Yeah, yeah. Blaming others for his problems”. Reread paragraph 2. My Canadian psychiatrists are the ones who said that my parents are to blame for my PTSD and OCD.
  3. Indians are generally more rude and less friendly than Canadians.
I was once told by a poster on another forum that I was a “self-hating Asian”. I hate my nation, I may even hate my own race (South Asian) but I definitely do not hate myself. Indeed, I loved myself enough to climb out of that shithole.

Thank you for reading and any constructive criticism will be appreciated.
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#2
RE: Born in the wrong country
Good stuff on what you've accomplished.

I also learnt the hard way that just because 2 people are your parents doesn't mean they aren't arseholes irrespective.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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#3
RE: Born in the wrong country
I do not know how to escape even my own past! I wish you the best in the future!
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!






Reply
#4
RE: Born in the wrong country
You are strong my friend , You are a survivor , My advice would be to focus on what will make you grow ( Science for example ) , and to put the "hatred" behind your back and move on , hatred well just make you miserable , I hope you live happily .

I heard this line from a movie but it have some shade of truth in it :-
" Rejoice , The broken are the more evolved "
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