I'm about to be a multi-millionaire!

[Joods]

Fish on!

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
 
We are a Licensed Investment company in UAE, duo to market quest for maximizing our shareholders value in our company, we are looking out for a viable investment projects outside UAE we can fund as a soft loan under our ongoing cooperate finance program at 3% interest rate per annum without collateral.
 
 
We are mostly interested in the following sectors; Oil/Gas, Banking, Real estate, Stock Speculation, Mining, Transportation, Hotel & Tourism, Health Sector, Tobacco, Communication Services, Agriculture, Forestry & Fishing, Thus any feasible sector.
 
 
Note that the borrower shall procure a Surety Bond from the Insurance company base here in Dubai for the Security Coverage.
 
 
If you have any viable project which requires funding, we would like to work with you, send the business plan or any related documents via email at; [email=[email protected]][email protected][/email]

addy and isp matches the previous sender.  Apparently they like alpacas.  Crowdsourcing hilarity.  Who has ideas? The general context, thusfar, is that I may be coming into 45 million dollars, a deal Ilm working on with another uae entity.

Oh what fun! I do believe you've caught yourself a LAD. You're going to have so much fun stringing him/her along, whilst doing your societal duty to keep them distracted/entertained so that they cannot harm innocent people. Did you post this in the other forum? I'm quite sure that you will get a plethora of ideas from some of the seasoned baiters there.

[The Grand Nudger]

.....to be continued, I hope.

I was still mulling over what to do with the sideline email I was sent..when I got a more direct response, I;m glad I didn;t blow it.

This message is to re-assure you that this transaction is 100% real and risk free. However, if this fund is not claimed from the bank you know of cause the directors will disburse it within them. For more details, here is the confirmation of client's plane crash, this website will explain more: 

Nevertheless, thanks for your candid response and guts. But please one thing we must consider first in this deal is confidentiality; no single information should be disclosed to anybody and no third party. I will draft a copy of application that you will use to contact the bank and request for the immediate release of this fund as soon as I receive your response to this message. The application will pose you as a business partner to my late client, that way we can be able to make head way in this claim since none of his relatives I know that is alive.

This is what I will use to procure any document if the bank demands one. Call me as soon as you respond to this message for immediate follow up. The sharing ratio is 50 for you and 50 for me, but then I still want to invest my own share in Real Estate in your country if the condition is good. Get back to me so we can proceed without delay.

to which I reply

You;re absolutely right Saleem.  We need to play this close to the belt.  I;ve created an email address so that nothing ties anything back to us together.  In all future communications, you should refer to me as "Mr Harrendale".  I;ve created an email that only you know about.



[one of my emails]


Awaiting confirmation of this message.

[Joods]

Awesome. The next step should be for him to prove that he is who he says he is, so you get him to take a picture with something to prove his loyalty to you and the mission. Say, have him get a tattoo on his back with the words "Lad bait" and several hearts around it.

.

[The Grand Nudger]

I;m already at that point with one I;ve been working just for the boards......

[Joods]

I;m already at that point with one I;ve been working just for the boards..

I'm gonna need you to fill me in on that story

[The Grand Nudger]

Beloved in Christ.

 
Greetings my dear, I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears in my eyes and great sorrow in my heart. I prayed before searching the internet and I saw your email address.
 
I am (Mrs.)Sharon Smith  from Uzbekistan and  a widow to late Martin Smith, I am 63 years old, suffering from long time Cancer of the breast. From all indications my condition is really deteriorating and it's quite obvious that I won't live more than 2 months according to my doctors.
 
I have some funds I inherited from my late loving husband Mr. Martin Smith, the sum of ($850.000,00) which he deposited in a Bank  .
 
I need a very honest and God fearing person that can use these funds for Charity work, helping the Less Privileges, and 20% of this money will be for your time and expenses, while 80% goes to charities.

Greetings Sister Smith.  I feel so blessed that the Lord brought you to our ministry.  I;m sorry to hear about your prognosis, but then I remember that it;s selfish to mourn for those brothers and sisters the Lord calls home.  My own late wife, Tammy, died of breast cancer in '87.  We had never been blessed with a child.  That's what got me into Harvest Ministries.  Are you on our message boards?

We have an incredible youth program that could certainly find a blessed use for any donations..and, I notice you're from Uzbekistan?  I;ve heard that there are christian orphanages there in dire need of support from more fortunate believers like you and I.  

I;d love to be able to to send them a package, we have some surplus ipads and macbooks from the christmas season that the kids here are always asking for.  Perhaps we could arrange to have them sent to you or your church?  

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours in Christ,
[an alias]
Youth Coordinator, Harvest Church Ministry

I took this decision because I do not have a child who will inherit this money and I can not believe my relatives, because they were hostile to me, since I have been suffering from this illness.I prefer to trust outsiders than people i know because people I know might take my request for granted.

I want you to know that my main aim is to do something the lord will appreciate before I leave this earth, this is highly risk free I assure you because the funds is owned by my late husband and presently I am the beneficiary, but since the doctor have said that I have a short time to stay on earth, I think the best thing is to put smiles on the Motherless children's face also I have dreamed of opening a charitable foundation to create a cancer patient care facility in your name, I feel a great responsibility to help the poor in any possible way I can help and shelter them too.

Sister Smith,

We're all praying for you here at Harvest.  I've already told the Elders about your generous offer and we were wondering if we might be able to get a picture of you for the children your donation would serve?  Have you considered our offer as regards your local church?  We also have counsel on staff that can help you set up a trust, and would be willing to match some amount of your own contribution to the account which would be entirely under your control.

My dear I want you to know that I am presently in the Hospital and I must tell you they are taking good care of me, in my next email to you I will scan and send a picture of myself in the hospital.

Please let me know your faith towards this and before we continue I will like you to assure me that you are ready for this task.

I await your urgent reply.

 
Remain blessed .
 
Much  love my dear
Mrs.Sharon Smith

Poor Sharon, it's not looking good.  

[Joods]

---

Beloved in Christ.

 
Greetings my dear, I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears in my eyes and great sorrow in my heart. I prayed before searching the internet and I saw your email address.
 
I am (Mrs.)Sharon Smith  from Uzbekistan and  a widow to late Martin Smith, I am 63 years old, suffering from long time Cancer of the breast. From all indications my condition is really deteriorating and it's quite obvious that I won't live more than 2 months according to my doctors.
 
I have some funds I inherited from my late loving husband Mr. Martin Smith, the sum of ($850.000,00) which he deposited in a Bank  .
 
I need a very honest and God fearing person that can use these funds for Charity work, helping the Less Privileges, and 20% of this money will be for your time and expenses, while 80% goes to charities.

Greetings Sister Smith.  I feel so blessed that the Lord brought you to our ministry.  I;m sorry to hear about your prognosis, but then I remember that it;s selfish to mourn for those brothers and sisters the Lord calls home.  My own late wife, Tammy, died of breast cancer in '87.  We had never been blessed with a child.  That's what got me into Harvest Ministries.  Are you on our message boards?

We have an incredible youth program that could certainly find a blessed use for any donations..and, I notice you're from Uzbekistan?  I;ve heard that there are christian orphanages there in dire need of support from more fortunate believers like you and I.  

I;d love to be able to to send them a package, we have some surplus ipads and macbooks from the christmas season that the kids here are always asking for.  Perhaps we could arrange to have them sent to you or your church?  

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours in Christ,
[an alias]
Youth Coordinator, Harvest Church Ministry

I took this decision because I do not have a child who will inherit this money and I can not believe my relatives, because they were hostile to me, since I have been suffering from this illness.I prefer to trust outsiders than people i know because people I know might take my request for granted.

I want you to know that my main aim is to do something the lord will appreciate before I leave this earth, this is highly risk free I assure you because the funds is owned by my late husband and presently I am the beneficiary, but since the doctor have said that I have a short time to stay on earth, I think the best thing is to put smiles on the Motherless children's face also I have dreamed of opening a charitable foundation to create a cancer patient care facility in your name, I feel a great responsibility to help the poor in any possible way I can help and shelter them too.

Sister Smith,

We're all praying for you here at Harvest.  I've already told the Elders about your generous offer and we were wondering if we might be able to get a picture of you for the children your donation would serve?  Have you considered our offer as regards your local church?  We also have counsel on staff that can help you set up a trust, and would be willing to match some amount of your own contribution to the account which would be entirely under your control.

My dear I want you to know that I am presently in the Hospital and I must tell you they are taking good care of me, in my next email to you I will scan and send a picture of myself in the hospital.

Please let me know your faith towards this and before we continue I will like you to assure me that you are ready for this task.

I await your urgent reply.

 
Remain blessed .
 
Much  love my dear
Mrs.Sharon Smith

Poor Sharon, it's not looking good.  

---

[The Grand Nudger]

Sounds like a heavy lift, I'm down, though...I'll respond from my office in the morning, lol.

[Joods]

How the hell did my post end up as part of my sig line?

That's so weird.

[The Grand Nudger]

Eager Dying Beaver!  I woke up this am to another piece of correspondence from Long Suffering Sharon.  

Beloved ,Just receive the fund and use 80% to help the less privileged, 20% for your time and expenses.I assure you this is a very simple process, and have in mind that the funds was deposited in a bank in Turkey.I want you to know that you will not have to travel to anywhere all we will need to do is for the bank to recognize you as my Next Of Kin so that the funds can be transferred to you directly.

Please send me the below information to enable me know you more better and inform my lawyer of your person,

Full Name:

Phone number:

Contact address:

Age :

Occupation:

 
I await your urgent reply.

The Elders and I held a prayer session for you this morning, and we felt the presence of Christ Jesus.  You can find all of my contact details from the link on our message boards.  I do alot of rural outreach here, so I;m often out of service on my direct line, but you can all anytime between our normal business hours.  I already told Cathy to help you with anything you need, you can leave a message with her if I;m not in my office or on my voicemail and you have my direct email.  It's probably easier to get ahold of me here.  Things are so hectic around tax time!



I think that your idea of sending a picture is fantastic.  The children and I want to send you get well cards.  If you could send us the address of the hospital, and ward, and room number that would be fantastic as well.  There are nine children currently in our care, I tell them that they're my little diamonds in the rough.  They're all very excited and wanted me to tell you that they;re praying for you as well.   I have an idea, and maybe I could speak with the nurses in your ward to help put together something really great for the little ones and also for promotional material for our program.  If you could write a personalized message on a poster board, with nine diamonds (one for each of the children) drawn on it, we could include that here in our outreach pamphlets.  We like to profile our  donors as an example to others of how to truly emulate our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I'm sure someone has some glitter in their desk, maybe the staff could ask around in admitting for a few markers or highlighters.  It would really fill their hearts with joy to see the face of such generosity.


All of our thoughts and prayers go out to you in this trying time.  I look forward to receiving your picture and will await contact from your lawyer regarding the details of the transaction.  

.......and now we wait.  Sister Smith won;t be hearing from our helpful youth coordinator for a few days...as there will be a horrible tragedy.  The Harvest Ministry Youth Center will partially burn down from a lit smoke hastily disposed of in the paper recycling bin (rebellious teens!), and we need her generous donation now more than ever!