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Lost Commandments
#1
Lost Commandments
New game:

It's well known that Moses destroyed the first set of tablets given to him, after he saw the golden calf the Israelites had started worshipping and got pissed off.

Scholarly speculation has therefore been rife over the centuries as to what commandments may have been inscribed on them. Suggestions might include:

-Thou shalt not squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube

-Thou shalt not bare thy neighbour's ass

-Thou shalt not rely on Wikipedia as an authority for thine arguments

Can the teams - you lot - come up with any other divine utterances now lost to history?

(Points will be deducted for improper use of 17th century grammar).
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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#2
RE: Lost Commandments
1.  Thou shalt not fail in thy duty to replace the bog roll.

2.  Six days shalt thou work and do all thou art able / The seventh the same and muck out the stable.

3.  Thou shalt not click on suspicious links.  www.seriously,don'tdothat.nz

4.  Take not the third puff.  Thou shalt pass after two.

5.  Beware of strong drink.  It can make thee shoot at tax assessors.  And miss.

Boru
‘Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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#3
RE: Lost Commandments
-Thou shalt vape to please thy Lord.
[Image: keep-calm-and-praise-the-sun.jpg]
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#4
RE: Lost Commandments
(August 17, 2018 at 4:07 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: 1.  Thou shalt not fail in thy duty to replace the bog roll.

2.  Six days shalt thou work and do all thou art able / The seventh the same and muck out the stable.

3.  Thou shalt not click on suspicious links.  www.seriously,don'tdothat.nz

4.  Take not the third puff.  Thou shalt pass after two.

5.  Beware of strong drink.  It can make thee shoot at tax assessors.  And miss.

Boru

4. Take not the third puff.

I was in West Aust and a group of Canadians asked me if I wanted a pipe.
Where I'm from you're not a man if you can't finish a cone.
So I smoked this pipe and finished the cone and even commented on how hard it was to finish.
Everyone thought I was the greediest dope smoker ever as I was supposed to pass it around. :-)




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#5
RE: Lost Commandments
Thou shalt not select reply all.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem




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#6
RE: Lost Commandments
(August 17, 2018 at 6:23 am)Little lunch Wrote:
(August 17, 2018 at 4:07 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: 1.  Thou shalt not fail in thy duty to replace the bog roll.

2.  Six days shalt thou work and do all thou art able / The seventh the same and muck out the stable.

3.  Thou shalt not click on suspicious links.  www.seriously,don'tdothat.nz

4.  Take not the third puff.  Thou shalt pass after two.

5.  Beware of strong drink.  It can make thee shoot at tax assessors.  And miss.

Boru

4. Take not the third puff.

I was in West Aust and a group of Canadians asked me if I wanted a pipe.
Where I'm from you're not a man if you can't finish a cone.
So I smoked this pipe and finished the cone and even commented on how hard it was to finish.
Everyone thought I was the greediest dope smoker ever as I was supposed to pass it around. :-)

In my dope days, I was told more than once, 'It's "puff, puff PASS", bitch!'.

Boru
‘Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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#7
RE: Lost Commandments
1. Thou shall lower thy gaze, except when at enormous heights. Then do not looketh down.
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#8
RE: Lost Commandments
Thou shalt learn to check the seat before sitting on the toilet. Thou shalt not blame other people if thou sit in water. If thy knuckleheaded husband can learn it, thou canst too.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

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#9
RE: Lost Commandments
Thou shalt not say "my bad"

Thou shalt not say, "First time since, IF IT WASN'T THE FIRST TIME".

Thou shalt not fill every damned commercial ad space on tv with the same goddamned commercial.

Thou shalt not dump coal ash, lead or Genx in water supplies.

Thou shalt not deny climate change or evolution.

Thou shalt not kiss dictators asses.

Thou shalt not use chewing, slurping or crunching sounds in TV ads.

Thou shalt not use blue dye in feminine products, what the f are you teaching girls, they are smurfs?

Thou shalt not put ads on fields or uniforms of sports teams.

BUT the most important command of all.........

THOU SHALT NOT BLASPHEME ABBA!
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#10
RE: Lost Commandments
Thou shalt not pisseth off thy Vorlon
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




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