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Current time: November 7, 2024, 7:28 pm

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BREAKING FAKE NEWS
#1
BREAKING FAKE NEWS
Hillary Is Sealing People's Assholes So They Can't Fart. Allegedly To Stop Accumulating CO2 In The Atmosphere

The CO2 hoax has reached a new level of paranoia. Hillary's deplorable fans are so brainwashed by preventing the climate change that they are filling their assholes with rubber plugs leading to thousands of people being registered to local hospitals where they are being treated to malformed bowels. Some women have even been noted as having a flatulence induced pregnancy and to no other than the Sulfur king himself, the lord of the flies - the Satan himself. But, luckily, Hillary fans are obsessed with abortions so these kind of devils were aborted.

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Jennifer Lawrence Starts A Line Of Her Own Sex Dolls

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"Ever since my sex pics were leaked a day doesn't pass by that some guy doesn't offer to 'clean my holes with his tongue' or to 'make my canoe shellacked' and so on and I mean that literally, so I decided to cash in." said miss Lawrence as lines of fans stood in front of the glass store where her sex dolls were being unfolded.

But if you think that you will have your way with this doll as if it was just some plastic thing with a fake vagina in the middle then you face being rammed into a dry wall. This is not going to play out that you just lower her panties and unwrap her as a Christmas gift. Rather, the purchaser, will have to play by doll's rules.

"While, yes, we agreed on making the asshole taste authentic there is one very important clause that had to be introduced for me to approve this venture" continued miss Lawrence. To activate the doll of being responsive to sexual act the living partner will have to hold its hand and whisper into its ear lines like "Red Sparrow is going to be your new blockbuster franchise" as well as taking her to a real cinema to see her movies and then later on compliment her acting and even mentioning the Oscar in order to activate her labia and make her nipples harden and, most of all, moan sounds.

"Oh yeah, if some guy thinks that he'll just come every day after work with my doll waiting for him spread legged then he better just save his money and jerk off, cuz I ain't a cheap date." finished miss  Lawrence.


Churches All Over US have Recorded A Spike In A Plague Of Stickers Forbidding The Lighting Of Candles Next To "Vote Hillary" Stickers

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Christianity itself is under attack as numerous churches are being invaded with stickers that say "Candle light creates CO2 and kills pandas" as well as "Vote Hillary" stickers. This is just another way the Hillary people are trying to undermine Christianity by using one of the most familiar story from Satanic Bible, that is one of the Global Warming. But they fail to note that presence of holy water at hand is there to exorcise any of the God's creatures that might read those stickers and get possessed by the devil into believing it.



Medical Shows Are Spreading Satanism By Not Showing That Jesus Is The One Who Actually Heals People In The Hospitals

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New spike in atheism is correlated with medicinal TV shows that episode after episode portray doctors healing people with pagan magic known as medicine and never mentioning Jesus. Even worse, frequently if they even mention Jesus or praying it is as a failure. Just last week a "Grey Anatomy" episode featured a Christian mother that prayed with her Christian friends for her child to heal from the cancer, that was untreatable, and the child died in spite of some prayers even being mustered in Latin!!! The bishop from St Luis church notes that it is one of the Satanic agendas to fool people into approving stem cell research, so that they can clone Satan. Satan's DNA was preserved on the Veil of Veronica in form of the saliva because, as Jesus carried the Cross two thousand years ago, the devil jumped by him and, as all devils are homosexuals, kissed him and that's why Veronica wiped his face.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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And now you know why most of my cousins don't have my email addy.
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