Knock-knock jokes, atheist style.

[Reltzik]

Proselytizer: [knocks on door]

Resident: [opens door] Yes?

Proselytizer: "Good morning! Have you found Jesus yet?"

Resident: "Aw, man, don't tell me you Christians lost him AGAIN..."

Proselytizer: "Uh, no, I meant tha-"

Resident: "Okay, okay, we can figure this out. I'll go back inside and call the I.R.S. and see if he's been hanging out around their offices."

Proselytizer: "Um, what..."

Resident: "While I do that, you drive on down to the red-light district and check with all the hookers."

Proselytizer: "HOOKERS? Why would-"

Resident: "Don't worry, we've got this. We'll find him." [shuts door]

Proselytizer: "..... wut."

-----------

Anyone else have any funny ways to turn away the door-knockers?

[Little lunch]

The door knockers in my area are all old, very polite and walking up and down the streets in the hot sun.
I don't have the heart to be anything but nice.
I tell them straight up that I'm an atheist and I'm not interested but would they like a glass of water?
They usually decline, we talk about the weather for a bit and they leave.
Last week I gave them some cuttings from a few plants they didn't have in their yards, wrapped up in wet paper towel in a plastic bag.
I guess I was bought up to respect my elders. :-)

[onlinebiker]

I had three show up at my place some years back. I had just got up( Saturday morning) and only had on a pair of shorts. This was back when I was longhaired and bearded.

2 guys, mid 30' s one girl ( cute) , early 20's.

I opened the door and they want into the usual mindless spiel.

While staring at her, with what I hoped was a look of lechery on my face, I motioned at her and said "She can come in -  you two wait in the car".

They went into retreat mode.

[Little lunch]

The last time a young cute girl turned up at my door trying to sell me something, I ended up with a years subscription to Green Peace.

[polymath257]

I was living in a basement apartment and got a knock on the door early in the morning. I wrapped a blanket around myself (no available clothes) and went to answer the door.

There was an 80 year old JW. When she saw my undressed state, her eyes widened a bit. But I invited her in and she began her spiel.

After a few minutes, my girlfriend wandered out of the bedroom, similarly wrapped in a blanket. The JW's eyes widened a bit more---surely some sinning is going on here.

So she continued her little talk, telling us about the risk of hell, etc.

After a few minutes, my girlfriend's other boyfriend walked out similarly clad.

This little old woman's eyes got *huge*---A DEN OF INIQUITY!

I almost felt sorry for her......almost.