Purity Ball

[T0 Th3 M4X]

The comments about how these girls are making a “choice” that they aren’t being “sex objects” either haven’t been around this or are very misguided. These aren’t adult women making the decision to be chaste without pressure. That would be fine.

Imagine you are a 12 year old girl. You have been brought up in a family and a community that teaches that women will need to submit to the headship of a man, and that the duty of a woman is to submit to male authority. You have been told that this is the path for a woman to be pleasing to god and go to heaven (with the implication that failure to do so leads to hell). You have been shielded from most pop media and told that our culture is decadent and sinful, focusing only on sex which devalues the PROPER role of women as submissive wife and mother. This is all you know and all you have been told your entire life.

Now imagine that your church/school is putting on this purity ball. Your family, friends, and church are really hyping this. They talk about how they’re committing themselves to purity and to god. You know your parents and friends all want you to do this.

Recall these can be young girls as young as 12. These girls are just starting puberty, have little to no knowledge of sex and haven’t begun their sexual development. Many don’t have true secondary sex characteristics. This is in addition to not being mentally fully developed. Add to this the incredible pressure and the fact these girls are completely dependent on those pushing this ceremony. This is not a free choice.

And that’s not even getting into the fact that it is true, boys don’t go through this. Sure, they may be told that abstinence is best, but they aren’t pressured for it. Girls are the ones who are told it is THEIR responsibility to avoid sex, tht boys simply can’t help themselves.

Did any of the peeps complaining about it actually watch the video?  They are not all teenie boppers going to a ball.  Some are actually grown adult women.

[Natachan]

As I’ve said, my comments come from my experience with this. I’m aware of how it’s marketed, and I’m also aware of how it is often done.

I also don’t think a 15-16 year old, who is usually who markets this, is an “adult woman” capable of freely making this choice. There is almost always an element of coercion. It is VERY RARE for a grown woman (read, in her 20’s) who is financially independent to make this choice. It happens, and they have my respect. But that isn’t what happens.

[T0 Th3 M4X]

As I’ve said, my comments come from my experience with this. I’m aware of how it’s marketed, and I’m also aware of how it is often done.

I also don’t think a 15-16 year old, who is usually who markets this, is an “adult woman” capable of freely making this choice. There is almost always an element of coercion. It is VERY RARE for a grown woman (read, in her 20’s) who is financially independent to make this choice. It happens, and they have my respect. But that isn’t what happens.

Some of the participants are adult women who had contracted STDs and recovered.  In light of it, they determined abstinence would be a good option until they are married.  That way there are less risks involved with it happening again.  I agree that some of it can be manipulative, but I don't believe it's fair to say it applies to all.  In and of itself, there's nothing wrong with a ball or making a promise, agreement, or covenant with someone else.  If you're forced into it, then that's something completely different.

[The Grand Nudger]

Pyschosexual pageantry, between father and daughter.

[Natachan]

Even if you age up the players from their early to mid teens to early to mid 20’s and made them financially independent, which would make this a rare outlier for purity balls, I would still have issues with this for the other reasons I listed.

One of the only fights I have ever had with my mother on the topic of religion involved a similar issue. The teachings of male headship and female submission to male authority is incredibly coercing and damaging. Add to this the belief that women who have premarital sex are fallen, sinful, or dirty and the full context begins to come into view. Is a woman whose family all believes this, whose circle of friends believe this, whose entire community and social support network believes this, capable of making a free choice? I would say no.

[The Grand Nudger]

The faithful commonly fail to recognize that their beliefs are deeply coercive..and on the odd moment that they do, generally list that as a pro, not a con. It just comes with the territory of thinking that shit is right and good and proper. This ends up covering for all manner of sins.

[downbeatplumb]

I am pleased to see this.

These young ladies realize their bodies are sacred, not just toys for men to mistreat.

I feel its bigoted to go after them. Leave the little ladies and their proud papas alone will ya?

Ok I'm calling poe here. 
Right here.

[T0 Th3 M4X]

The faithful commonly fail to recognize that their beliefs are deeply coercive..and on the odd moment that they do, generally list that as a pro, not a con.  It just comes with the territory of thinking that shit is right and good and proper.  This ends up covering for all manner of sins.

The unfaithful commonly fail to follow the idea of MYOB.  Instead, they bother anybody who thinks differently and are frequently insistent that you must adhere to their personal ideology instead.  If not, they will make insulting or degrading comments towards you, and insist that you must be inferior to them.

See, I can make those statements too.

[The Grand Nudger]

Yep..that's us, knocking on doors, asking folks if they've heard the good news, telling people what they can and can't do with their vjays...

Oh..no..no, wait, that's the jesus freaks, again.

To make statements like mine, Max, you'd have to possess a competence far beyond anything you're capable of. The sad thing..is that it's not because I'm particularly smart...but more to the effect of your being particularly silly.

[Natachan]

Look, either you aren’t part of this particular religious practice AND are unaware of how prevalent their influence is, or you’re being deliberately obtuse. Many of us came from traditions that have this sort of practice, or teach these things. As such these teachings have been deeply harmful to us personally. So this does make it very deeply our business. The other issue is these teachings and practices are pervasive, and the people who do this want to impose it on the general culture again making it very much our business.

This is a subculture that stifles girls, that limits their possibilities. Aside from my general concern for other people and their well being, this means that a lot of possibilities are lost because these girls are pressured into roles they may not fit into. And it is also a culture that wants to expand. In their wildest hopes they want women like me, who are the primary breadwinners and who choose not to have children while their husbands stay home, to leave the work force and go back to submit to male headship. In their present state women like me are demonized, creating deep divisions and animosities. This is a problem.

So when asked “what do you think of this? Have you ever participated in this?” then yes, I have a right to comment on it. I’m not going to go into the churches and tell them to stop, but I do have a right to express concern over this.