How would you react to finding out you were making out with a transsexual?

[TaraJo]

So, I had fun little experience this last weekend.

Back story: I was dating Lee since 2011 but we recently split up. He didn’t seem to have any kind of sex drive towards the end and I do. This left me VERY frustrated. Now that I’m single and I have my own apartment, I want to have a little fun.

I found a local club that hosts a sex party on Saturday nights. There were a few people in a secular group talking about it and since I would know a few people there, I figured I would give it a try.

It was a very fun, new experience for me. I had a few drinks, loosened up and started making out with some guy. We were all lips and tongue and strong manly arms holding onto me.

So, I mentioned transsexual, right? Yeah, I’m trans. I don’t like to make a big deal out of it, especially irl (makes life much easier when you live in super conservative Oklahoma). So I didn’t really come out at the club. I was making out with the guy, having fun, but I never told him I’m trans. If his hands started to go to a certain, unwanted part of my body, I started pulling away, so he just left himself going to other places. Then he whispered in my ear that he wanted to do something that I couldn’t really do yet; not until after I have surgery, anyway.

In my defense, I’m not used to having to come out to people and I’m really not used to coming out to someone who has their tongue shoved down my throat. Last time I was single, I looked like Eddie Izzard. Even now, I constantly see myself as some big, ugly m, hairy man-thing. The idea that someone couldn’t tell I’m trans just by looking at me still doesn’t register.

He wasn’t really into it, but he wasn’t hostile to me, either. I guess I was lucky, but I feel a bit safer in kink communities where sexual differences aren’t looked down on. I still get a bit nervous about what other guys would say or do upon finding out I’m trans; I mean guys who aren’t in sex clubs or stuff like that.

How do you think you’d react to finding out you had been making out with a transsexual?

[bennyboy]

I have to be straight up. If a trans person made out with me, and I didn't know, I'd consider it a kind of sexual assault. I don't know what I'd do-- maybe laugh and shrug my shoulders, maybe get violent.

It partly depends how far it got and the circumstances, though. Like, when I was younger if I took a bunch of ecstasy and went to a rave on Davie Street in Vancouver (which is mostly gay bars but also with a lot of everything else mixed in), then it would be one of those oops moments that you just laugh about, and maybe if it goes too far hope your other friends don't find out about because they'll keep razzing you about it. I never made out with a transexual person as far as I know, but I met a few that I'm pretty sure I would have if I was on the right mix of drugs-- which I very often was. And some of my friends were paid by trans (we always said "trannies" back then) for various sexual services, so there wasn't really that much stigma on it.

I had a fair number of non-XX people do pretty horrible things to me or try to when I was young. I was like 140lb in high school (well, in my pause between middle school and finally getting to go back into school), long hair, pretty face, a bit effeminate-- turns out that a lot of people are into that, from female sex workers to dirty old church leaders telling me if I masturbated I really needed to talk to them about it, to 13 year-old girls pretending to 18, to homeless guys with a bottle of wine pulling their dicks out and offering a swig of wine in exchange for services (Canada was freaking COLD in winter for a kid on a park bench). When I was in homeless hostels, I'd get up super-early to shower on my own, but there was always at least one guy watching me take a shower. I wouldn't say I was really sexually abused, but there was certainly unwanted attention from almost every corner. (and I really liked being in an apartment with a lot of exotic dancers, actually, but I realize now that what they did to me was probably stat rape in Canada, and I'm pretty sure that was part of the fun for them).

At the risk of being genderist, I saw enough to believe that trans women had some of the rapacious or aggressive tendencies that "normal" men have, and if that manifested the wrong way (say in someone trying to drug and trick me into a sexual encounter), I might potentially have reacted violently. I was a pretty nice kid, but living on the streets can bring out the claws sometimes.

In general, if I wasn't high, and I thought I was making out with XX-female and you hadn't told me, I'd say my reaction would have been negative. I feel the first kiss should be the cut-line: I'd want you to tell me before the first kiss, or I would feel that you had violated me.

[The Grand Nudger]

It would be difficult not to keel over laughing.  

Yall buddies now, or was it a one off encounter?

[TaraJo]

It would be difficult not to keel over laughing.  

Yall buddies now, or was it a one off encounter?

One off. Strictly. I’m not looking for a relationship anytime soon, just flings, hook ups and casual sex.

[The Grand Nudger]

I meant buddies in the pg way, lol.  It's the kind of thing that could make for a hilarious start to a friendship.  In my experience, lgbtq people make the best wingmen.

[TaraJo]

I feel the first kiss should be the cut-line: I'd want you to tell me before the first kiss, or I would feel that you had violated me.

Y’know what’s funny? I always told myself that, too. I always said that was my rule, but, damn, it’s easy to make the rule when you’re in a monogamous relationship and hard to stick to the rule when it’s actually happening.

[fredd bear]

@TaraJo

At my age, grateful.

Before that, I honestly don'y know.Was never confronted with that situation.

I think it was Carl Jung who said sexual labels are nonsense .That human beings are simply sexual, and that most have a dominant preference.

[Gwaithmir]

I had a transsexual girlfriend during the late 1980's. I didn't find out she was transgender until shortly after we had sex for the first time. It didn't bother me a bit.

[SteelCurtain]

If I was attracted to her before I knew, that wouldn't change. I'm not into penises for the most part, so likely I wouldn't be interested in going further.

I might be upset that I was misled, and I do agree that everyone involved in a sexual contact deserves to be fully informed.

[Shell B]

Yeah, I like to know. I don't know how I'd react, but I wouldn't be very happy with being misled. I wouldn't be a total cunt, I hope.

Also, good to see you around.