How would you react to finding out you were making out with a transsexual?

[Cod]

I would hope the person would be honest before it got that far, if not I wouldn't be too impressed.
My world wouldn't fall apart over it though.

[Mr.Obvious]

I would honestly feel mislead, deceived and done an injustice.
I imagine I would experience confusion, discomfort and some anger.
I would like to think that I would try to understand and not make a big deal out of it. But I don't truly know if I could keep my calm.
I don't think I'd turn to violence or anything like that. I'm a pretty-non-violent guy. But I guess I might utter some unpleasant and politically incorrect stuff, in the heat of the moment.
I'm not proud of that. But I think that's as much of a fair assumption of myself I feel I can make, not having ever been in that situation.

I imagine myself months and years later having miniature flashbacks to that moment, cringing, and uttering 'Did you just assume my gender?'
I tend to utter key-phrases to myself when uncomfortable memories pop in my head.

[brewer]

I would stop making out and wonder why you hadn't told me prior to the act.

By not disclosing I think you might be playing a dangerous game.

[The Grand Nudger]

Dangerous, mostly, to the trans person I'd wager.  It's not as if a guy is going to burst into flames on account of having kissed a guy.  Can't really call it an accident, either, the underlying weirdness of the idea that this is some sort of reverse rape or violation by deception is difficult to miss.

The person chiefly engaged in lying to the guy or deceiving him is, frankly, himself.  I don't know that a person who initiates with a transperson can actually justify the idea that they've been victimized, though obviously they do and some then take that as grounds to -actually- victimize the person who has made them aware of something about themselves that they apparently find shameful.  I wonder if men would feel the same way if, for example..a woman initiated and then claimed to have been violated on account of how we failed to disclose any other deeply personal but ultimately inconsequential thing about ourselves.   

I have strong personal opinions about how all horses should be made into glue.  Would that qualify? Can I reverse rape a horse lover on account of them?

[Angrboda]

This reminds me of the question of whether and when to disclose that you have a mental illness to someone. Are you engaged in deceit if you don't tell them? What about an employer? And what about polyamory? Does a polyamorous person have an obligation to disclose? If a polyamorous person discloses, and it gets back to their employer, they could be terminated without cause. Yet the polyamorous that I've talked to believe in disclosing up front. Some of these questions are tricky, and there's often good and conflicting reasons for both sides.

If I found out someone I was making out with was trans, it would depend on if they were MtF or FtM. If they were FtM, I might be less interested. If they were FtM, I'd probably be even more turned on.

I have some kink that isn't fully explored.

[The Grand Nudger]

Yeah, that's another good example.  In your specific case you may have unexplored kink but..as far as the hypothetical incident itself...I don't know that it represents an ounce of kink at all.  Presumably, a guy gets handy because he likes to touch pretty things. I can't help but quote one of my favorite short stories.

The thing is, it's still only Lila, not Lon Chaney or somebody... she's got her guitar lesson one night a week, and her pottery class one night, and she cooks eggplant maybe twice a week. She calls her mother every Friday night, and one night a month she turns into a wolf. You see what I'm getting at? It's still Lila, whatever she does, and I just can't get terribly shook about it. A little bit, sure, because what the hell. But I don't know.

I remember a girl in germany that I met one night at a bar. She was drinking me under the table. Pretty, too. Not knowing the laws over thur it had never occurred to me that she might not be what I considered of age. She wasn't exactly offering up the deets on her birthday either. Assumptions, alcohol, things got handy. Personally, the thought of reaching down and finding some underage vag is more knee-jerk repulsive than an of age dick. So obviously that didn't work out after I found out - but how out of place does the idea that she somehow violated me seem in that context? Or, for that matter, that there was something kinky about it had we pursued the relationship further? Could've gone the other way, coulda leaned in. Thing just had to end more for the fact that it could get me in trouble than anything else. Just for completeness, what about the idea that I would have felt so violated and angry that I slapped the girl?

My life took a different arc, happily married and tons of kids later I wouldn't go back and change things...but you never know, could have been the love of my life that I rejected for murky or cynical reasons. I haven't exactly forgotten her, after all, and I can't even remember the names of other girls that made a good run at a lifelong relationship with me. I mean, if I really had to pin it down, yeah it could have gotten me into shit - but was that really the deciding vote or was it the fact that she shared my sisters name, which also featured prominently in consideration....right, lol?

[brewer]

I'm just saying that by not disclosing and connecting with the wrong type of guy could cause trouble. I know lots of big burly insecure males who don't solve their problems with words.

[The Grand Nudger]

Yeah, ofc, we can't really help but feel the way we feel...that's how a person gets themselves into the hypothetical predicament in the first place.  It's not even limited to big burly guys, or guys in general, or even things like this.  All of us are likely to respond to some insecurity with a version of the windmill, lol.

When we're in that mode, we're pretty dangerous to be around. Human beings are kindoff badasses that way, from the smallest to the largest. Most other animals have already learned the lesson...but we're stubborn, and, besides, we like to touch pretty things.

---

For a bit of fun role-reversal time...if some trans person, on the other end of that hypothetical, sees so much as the slightest whiff of an impending shame based windmill event would it be terribly surprising for the guy to find himself tazed, hit in the dick, or just laid flat from a preemptive cross?

Maybe we could get a comment on that from Tara. What would you do if it looked like Mr. Hands was about to become Mr. Fists?

[Yonadav]

I have never even remotely considered making out with someone before telling them. In my opinion, it would be a crime to do so. The law is that both adults must be consenting. Don't make out with someone who wouldn't have consented had they known. It's rape or attempted rape.

[TaraJo]

Maybe we could get a comment on that from Tara.  What would you do if it looked like Mr. Hands was about to become Mr. Fists?

Yeah, that's why I have that rule for myself.  That's why I tell myself I need to tell a guy before it goes all hands and all.  

And also, yeah, I agree that all parties should have all significant information before engaging in activities like this.  While I'm not exactly lying that I'm a woman, I also know that there's a significant enough difference between myself and a cis woman that it matters.

So, that's the key to my problem:  I have the rule, I know, intellectually, what I need to do.  But when the time comes, I really resist doing it.  And last weekend could have gone REALLY bad for me.  If I had invited a guy back to my plalce without him knowing, it could have gotten even worse.  I guess my question is, how do I get myself to follow my rule when I know I should follow when I really don't want to?  I don't know if any of your experiences can relate with what I'm asking about because it's so damn hard to find something to accurately compare this to.